“Vice has
no friend like the prejudice which claims to be virtue.”—Lord Lytton.

“When the judgment’s weak, the prejudice is strong.”—Kate O’Hare.

“It is the first right of every child to be well born.”

TABLE OF CONTENTS.

[Transcriber’s Note: This Table of Contents
does not appear in the original book. It has been added to this document for ease of navigation.
To return to it from anywhere in the document, just select ToC from any left margin
page demarcation.]

• Knowledge is Safety, page 3
• The
  Beginning of Life, page5
• Health a Duty, page 7
• Value
  of Reputation, page 9
• Influence of
  Associates, page 11
• Self-Control,
  page 12
• Habit, page 17
• A Good Name, page 18
• The
  Mother’s Influence, page 21
• Home Power,
  page 23
• To Young Women, page 26
• Influence of Female Character, page 30
• Personal Purity, page 31
• How
  To Write All Kinds of Letters, page 34
• How
  To Write a Love Letter, page 37
• Forms of
  Social Letters, page 39
• Letter Writing,
  page 43
• Forms of Love Letters, page 44
• Hints
  and Helps on Good Behavior at All Times and at All Places, page 49
• A
  Complete Etiquette in a Few Practical Rules, page 52
• Etiquette
  of Calls, page 56
• Etiquette in Your Speech, page 57
• Etiquette of Dress and Habits, page 58
• Etiquette on the Street, page 59
• Etiquette
  Between Sexes 60
• Practical Rules on Table Manners, page 63
• Social Duties, page 65
• Politeness, page 70
• Influence of Good Character, page 73
• Family Government 76
• Conversation, page 79
• The
  Toilet or The Care of the Person, page 84
• A Young Man’s Personal Appearance, page 86
• Dress, page 88
• Beauty, page
  91
• Sensible Helps to Beauty, page 95
• How to Keep the Bloom and Grace of Youth, page 97
• Form and Deformity, page 98
• How to
  Determine a Perfect Human Figure, page 99
• The History,
  Mystery, Benefits and Injuries of the Corset, page 101
• Tight-Lacing, page
  104
• The Care of the Hair, page 107
• How to Cure Pimples or Other Facial Eruptions, page 111
• Black-Heads and Flesh Worms,
  page 112
• Love, page 114
• The Power and Peculiarities of Love, page 118
• Amativeness or Connubial Love, page 122
• Love and Common Sense, page 123
• What
  Women Love in Men, page 126
• What Men Love in Women,
  page 129
• History of Marriage, page 132
• Marriage, page 134
• The
  Advantages of Wedlock, page 135
• The
  Disadvantages of Celibacy, page 138
• Old
  Maids, page 140
• When and Whom to Marry,
  page 144
• Choose Intellectually—Love
  Afterward, page 148
• Love-Spats, page
  154
• A Broken Heart, page 159
• Former Customs and Peculiarities Among Men, page 162
• Sensible Hints in Choosing a Partner, page 165
• Safe Hints, page 170
• Marriage Securities, page 174
• Women Who Make the Best Wives, page 178
• Adaptation, Conjugal Affection, and Fatal Errors, page 181
• First Love, Desertion and Divorce, page 185
• Flirting and Its Dangers, page
  190
• A Word to Maidens, page 192
• Popping the Question, page 194
• The
  Wedding, page 200
• Advice to Newly Married Couples, page 201
• Sexual Proprieties and Improprieties, page 206
• How to Perpetuate the Honey-Moon, page 209
• How to Be a Good Wife, page 210
• How to
  Be a Good Husband, page 211
• Cause of Family Troubles,
  page 217
• Jealousy—Its Cause and Cure, page
  219
• The Improvement of Offspring, page 222
• Too Many Children, page 229
• Small Families and the Improvement of the Race, page 232
• The Generative Organs, page 234
• The Female Sexual Organs, page 235
• The
  Mysteries of the Formation of Life, page 238
• Conception—Its Limitations, page 240
• Prenatal Influences, page 244
• Vaginal
  Cleanliness, page 246
• Impotence and Sterility, page 248
• Producing Boys or Girls at Will, page 252
• Abortion or Miscarriage, page 253
• The
  Murder of Innocents, page 256
• The Unwelcome Child, page
  258
• Health and Disease, page 263
• Preparation for Maternity, page 266
• Impregnation, page 269
• Signs and Symptoms of Pregnancy, page 270
• Diseases of Pregnancy, page 274
• Morning
  Sickness, page 282
• Relation of Husband and Wife During Pregnancy, page 283
• A Private Word to the Expectant
  Mother, page 284
• Shall Pregnant Women
  Work?, page 285
• Words for Young Mothers,
  page 286
• How to Have Beautiful Children,
  page 288
• Education of the Child in the
  Womb, page 292
• How to Calculate the Time
  of Expected Labor, page 295
• The Signs
  and Symptoms of Labor, page 297
• Special
  Safeguards in Confinement, page 299
• Where
  Did the Baby Come From?, page 303
• Child
  Bearing Without Pain, page 304
• Solemn
  Lessons for Parents, page 312
• Ten
  Health Rules for Babies Cut Death Rate in Two, page 314
• The Care of New-Born Infants, page 315
• Nursing, page 317
• Infantile Convulsions, page 319
• Feeding Infants, page 319
• Pains and Ills in Nursing, page 321
• Home Lessons in Nursing Sick Children, page 325
• A Table for Feeding a Baby on Modified Milk, page 329
• Nursing [Intervals Table], page
  329
• Schedule for Feeding Healthy Infants During First Year [Table], page
  329
• How to
  Keep a Baby Well, page 330
• How to Preserve
  the Health and Life of Your Infant During Hot Weather, page 332
• Infant Teething, page 336
• Home
  Treatments for the Diseases of Infants and Children, page 338
• Diseases of Women, page
  348
• Falling of the Womb, page 350
• Menstruation, page 351
• Celebrated Prescriptions for All Diseases and How to Use Them, page
  354
• How to Cure Apoplexy,
  Bad Breath and Quinsy, page 365
• Sensible
  Rules for the Nurse, page 366
• Longevity,
  page 367
• How to Apply and Use Hot Water in
  All Diseases, page 368
• Practical Rules for
  Bathing, page 371
• All the Different
  Kinds of Baths and How to Prepare Them, page 372
• Digestibility of Food, page 374
• How to Cook for the Sick, page 375
• Save
  the Girls, page 380
• Save the Boys, page 390
• The Inhumanities of Parents, page 396
• Chastity and Purity of Chracter, page 400
• Exciting the Passions in Children, page 404
• Puberty, Virility, and Hygenic Laws, page 406
• Our Secret Sins, page 409
• Physical and
  Moral Degeneracy, page 414
• Immorality, Disease, and Death,
  page 416
• Poisonous Literature and Bad Pictures, page
  421
• Startling Sins, page 423
• The Prostitution of Men, page 427
• The
  Road to Shame, page 430
• The Curse of Manhood, page 433
• A Private Talk to Young Men, page 437
• Remedies for the Social Evil, page 440
• The
  Selfish Slaves of Doses of Disease and Death, page 441
• Object Lessons of the Effects
  of Alcohol and Smoking, page 445
• The
  Destructive Effects of Cigarette Smoking, page 449
• The
  Dangerous Vices, page 451
• Nocturnal Emissions, page 457
• Lost Manhood Restored, page 459
• Manhood Wrecked and Rescued, page 461
• The Curse and Consequence of Secret Diseases, page 464
• Animal Magnetism, page 470
• How to Read
  Character, page 473
• Twilight Sleep, page 479
• Painless Childbirth, page 479
• The
  Diseases of Women, page 480
• Remedies for Diseases of
  Women, page 483
• Alphabetical Index, page 486
• Hyperlinked Index

KNOWLEDGE IS SAFETY.

1. The old maxim, that “Knowledge is power,” is a true one, but there is still a greater truth:
“KNOWLEDGE IS SAFETY.” Safety amid physical ills that beset mankind, and safety amid the
moral pitfalls that surround so many young people, is the great crying demand of the age.

2. Criticism.—This work, though plain and to some extent startling, is chaste,
practical and to the point, and will be a boon and a blessing to thousands who consult its pages.
The world is full of ignorance, and the ignorant will always criticise, because they live to suffer
ills, for they know no better. New light is fast falling upon the dark corners, and the eyes of many
are being opened.

3. Researches of Science.—The researches of science in the past few years
have thrown light on many facts relating to the physiology of man and woman, and the diseases to
which they are subject, and consequently many reformations have taken place in the treatment and
prevention of diseases peculiar to the sexes.

4. Lock and Key.—Any information bearing upon the diseases of mankind
should not be kept under lock and key. The physician is frequently called upon to speak in plain
language to his patients upon some private and startling disease contracted on account of
ignorance. The better plan, however, is to so educate and enlighten old and young upon the
important subjects of health, so that the necessity to call a physician may occur less
frequently.

5. Progression.—A large, respectable, though diminishing class in every
community, maintain that nothing that relates exclusively to either sex should become the subject
of popular medical instruction. But such an opinion is radically wrong; ignorance is no more the
mother of purity than it is of religion. Enlightenment can never work injustice to him who
investigates.

6. An Example.—The men and women who study and practice medicine are
not the worse, but the better for such knowledge; so it would be to the community in general if all
would be properly instructed on the laws of health which relate to the sexes.

7.
Crime and Degradation.—Had every person a sound understanding on the relation
of the sexes, one of the most fertile sources of crime and degradation would be removed.
Physicians know too well what sad consequences are constantly occurring from a lack of proper
knowledge on these important subjects.

8. A Consistent Consideration.—Let the reader of this work study its pages
carefully and be able to give safe counsel and advice to others, and remember that purity of
purpose and purity of character are the brightest jewels in the crown of immortality.

THE BEGINNING OF LIFE.

1. The Beginning.—There is a charm in opening manhood which has
commended itself to the imagination in every age. The undefined hopes and promises of the
future—the dawning strength of intellect—the vigorous flow of passion—the
very exchange of home ties and protected joys for free and manly pleasures, give to this period an
interest and excitement unfelt, perhaps, at any other.

2. The Growth of Independence.—Hitherto life has been to boys, as to girls, a
dependent existence—a sucker from the parent growth—a home discipline of
authority and guidance and communicated impulse. But henceforth it is a transplanted growth of
its own—a new and free power of activity in which the mainspring is no longer authority or
law from without, but principle or opinion within. The shoot which has been nourished under the
shelter of the parent stem, and bent according to its inclination, is transferred to the open world,
where of its own impulse and character it must take root, and grow into strength, or sink into
weakness and vice.

3. Home Ties.—The thought of home must excite a pang even in the first
moments of freedom. Its glad shelter—its kindly guidance—its very restraints, how
dear and tender must they seem in parting! How brightly must they shine in the retrospect as the
youth turns from them to the hardened and unfamiliar face of the world! With what a sweet
sadly-cheering pathos they must linger in the memory! And then what chance and hazard is there
in his newly-gotten freedom! What instincts of warning in its very novelty and dim inexperience!
What possibilities of failure as well as of success in the unknown future as it stretches before
him!

4. Vice or Virtue.—Certainly there is a grave importance as well as a pleasant
charm in the beginning of life. There is awe as well as excitement in it when rightly viewed. The
possibilities that lie in it of noble or ignoble work—of happy self-sacrifice or ruinous
self-indulgence—the capacities in the right use of which it may rise to heights of beautiful
virtue, in the abuse of which it may sink to the depths of debasing vice—make the crisis one
of fear as well as of hope, of sadness as well as of joy.

5. Success or
Failure.—It is wistful as well as pleasing to think of the young passing year by year
into the world, and engaging with its duties, its interests, and temptations. Of the throng that
struggle at the gates of entrance, how many may reach their anticipated goal? Carry the mind
forward a few years, and some have climbed the hills of difficulty and gained the eminence on
which they wished to stand—some, although they may not have done this, have kept their
truth unhurt, their integrity unspoiled; but others have turned back, or have perished by the way,
or fallen in weakness of will, no more to rise again; victims or their own sin.

6.
Warning.—As we place ourselves with the young at the opening gates of life, and
think of the end from the beginning, it is a deep concern more than anything else that fills us.
Words of earnest argument and warning counsel rather than of congratulation rise to our lips.

7. Mistakes are Often Fatal.—Begin well and the habit of doing well will
become quite as easy as the habit of doing badly. “Well begun is half ended,” says the proverb:
“and a good beginning is half the battle.” Many promising young men have irretrievably injured
themselves by a first false step at the commencement of life; while others of much less promising
talents, have succeeded simply by beginning well, and going onward. The good, practical
beginning is to a certain extent, a pledge, a promise, and an assurance of the ultimate prosperous
issue. There is many a poor creature, now crawling through life, miserable himself and the cause
of sorrow to others, who might have lifted up his head and prospered, if, instead of merely
satisfying himself with resolutions of well-doing, he had actually gone to work and made a good,
practical beginning.

8. Begin at the Right Place.—Too many are, however, impatient of results.
They are not satisfied to begin where their fathers did, but where they left off. They think to enjoy
the fruits of industry without working for them. They cannot wait for the results of labor and
application, but forestall them by too early indulgence.

HEALTH A DUTY.

Perhaps nothing will so much hasten the time when body and mind will both be adequately
cared for, as a diffusion of the belief that the preservation of health is a duty. Few seem conscious
that there is such a thing as physical morality.

Men’s habitual words and acts imply that they are at liberty to treat their bodies as they please.
Disorder entailed by disobedience to nature’s dictates they regard as grievances, not as the effects
of a conduct more or less flagitious. Though the evil consequences inflicted on their descendents
and on future generations are often as great as those caused by crime, they do not think
themselves in any degree criminal.

It is true that in the case of drunkenness the viciousness of a bodily transgression is
recognized; but none appear to infer that if this bodily transgression is vicious, so too is every
bodily transgression. The fact is, all breaches of the law of health are physical sins.

When this is generally seen, then, and perhaps not till then, will the physical training of the
young receive all the attention it deserves.

Purity of life and thought should be taught in the home. It is the only safeguard of the young.
Let parents wake up on this important subject.

VALUE OF REPUTATION.

1. Who Shall Estimate the Cost.—Who shall estimate the cost of a priceless
reputation—that impress which gives this human dross its currency—without which
we stand despised, debased, depreciated? Who shall repair it injured? Who can redeem it lost? Oh,
well and truly does the great philosopher of poetry esteem the world’s wealth as “trash” in the
comparison. Without it gold has no value; birth, no distinction; station, no dignity; beauty, no
charm; age, no reverence; without it every treasure impoverishes, every grace deforms, every
dignity degrades, and all the arts, the decorations and accomplishments of life stand, like the
beacon-blaze upon a rock, warning the world that its approach is dangerous; that its contact is
death.

2. The Wretch Without It.—The wretch without it is under eternal quarantine;
no friend to greet; no home to harbor him, the voyage of his life becomes a joyless peril, and in
the midst of all ambition can achieve, or avarice amass, or rapacity plunder, he tosses on the
surge, a buoyant pestilence. But let me not degrade into selfishness of individual safety or
individual exposure this individual principle; it testifies a higher, a more ennobling origin.

3. Its Divinity.—Oh, Divine, oh, delightful legacy of a spotless reputation:
Rich is the inheritance it leaves; pious the example it testifies; pure, precious and imperishable, the
hope which it inspires; can there be conceived a more atrocious injury than to filch from its
possessor this inestimable benefit to rob society of its charm, and solitude of its solace; not only to
out-law life, but attain death, converting the very grave, the refuge of the sufferer, into the gate of
infamy and of shame.

4. Lost Character.—We can conceive few crimes beyond it. He who plunders
my property takes from me that which can be repaired by time; but what period can repair a
ruined reputation? He who maims my person effects that which medicine may remedy; but what
herb has sovereignty over the wounds of slander? He who ridicules my poverty or reproaches my
profession, upbraids me with that which industry may retrieve, and integrity may purify; but what
riches shall redeem the bankrupt fame? What power shall blanch the sullied show of character?
There can be no injury more deadly. There can be no crime more cruel. It is without remedy. It is
without antidote. It is without evasion.

INFLUENCE OF ASSOCIATES.

1. By What Men Are Known.—An author is known by his writings, a mother
by her daughter, a fool by his words, and all men by their companions.

2. Formation
of a Good Character.—Intercourse with persons of decided virtue and excellence is of
great importance in the formation of a good character. The force of example is powerful; we are
creatures of imitation, and, by a necessary influence, our tempers and habits are very much formed
on the model of those with whom we familiarly associate. Better be alone than in bad company.
Evil communications corrupt good manners. Ill qualities are catching as well as diseases; and the
mind is at least as much, if not a great deal more, liable to infection, than the body. Go with mean
people, and you think life is mean.

3. Good Example.—How natural is it
for a child to look up to those around him for an example of imitation, and how readily does he
copy all that he sees done, good or bad. The importance of a good example on which the young
may exercise this powerful and active element of their nature, is a matter of the utmost
moment.

4. A True Maxim.—It is a trite, but true maxim, that “a man is
known by the company he keeps.” He naturally assimilates by the force of imitation, to the habits
and manners of those by whom he is surrounded. We know persons who walk much with the
lame, who have learned to walk with a hitch or limp like their lame friends. Vice stalks in the
streets unabashed, and children copy it.

5. Live with the Culpable.—Live
with the culpable, and you will be very likely to die with the criminal. Bad company is like a nail
driven into a post, which after the first or second blow, may be drawn out with little difficulty; but
being once driven in up to the head, the pinchers cannot take hold to draw it out, which can only
be done by the destruction of the wood. You may be ever so pure, you cannot associate with bad
companions without falling into bad odor.

6. Society of the Vulgar.—Do you love the society of the vulgar? Then you
are already debased in your sentiments. Do you seek to be with the profane? In your heart you are
like them. Are jesters and buffoons your choice friends? He who loves to laugh at folly is himself a
fool. Do you love and seek the society of the wise and good? Is this your habit? Had you rather
take the lowest seat among these than the highest seat among others? Then you have already
learned to be good. You may not make very much progress, but even a good beginning is not to
be despised.

7. Sinks of Pollution.—Strive for mental excellence, and strict integrity, and
you never will be found in the sinks of pollution, and on the benches of retailers and gamblers.
Once habituate yourself to a virtuous course, once secure a love of good society, and no
punishment would be greater than by accident to be obliged for half a day to associate with the
low and vulgar. Try to frequent the company of your betters.

8. Procure no Friend
in Haste.—Nor, if once secured, in haste abandon them. Be slow in choosing an
associate, and slower to change him; slight no man for poverty, nor esteem any one for his wealth.
Good friends should not be easily forgotten, nor used as suits of apparel, which, when we have
worn them threadbare, we cast them off, and call for new. When once you profess yourself a
friend, endeaver to be always such. He can never have any true friends that will be often changing
them.

9. Have the Courage to Cut the Most Agreeable
Acquaintance.—Do this when you are convinced that he lacks principle; a friend
should bear with a friend’s infirmities, but not with his vices. He that does a base thing in zeal for
his friend, burns the golden thread that ties their hearts together.

SELF-CONTROL.

1. Essence of Character.—Self-control is only courage under another form. It
may also be regarded as the primary essence of character. It is in virtue of this quality that
Shakespeare defines man as a being “looking before and after.” It forms the chief distinction
between man and the mere animal; and, indeed, there can be no true manhood without it.

2. Root of all the Virtues.—Self-control is at the root of all the virtues. Let a man
give the reins to his impulses and passions, and from that moment he yields up his moral freedom.
He is carried along the current of life, and becomes the slave of his strongest desire for the time
being.

3. Resist Instinctive Impulse.—To be morally free—to be more than an
animal—man must be able to resist instinctive impulse, and this can only be done by
exercise of self-control. Thus it is this power which constitutes the real distinction between a
physical and a moral life, and that forms the primary basis of individual character.

4.
A Strong Man Ruleth His Own Spirit.—In the Bible praise is given, not to a strong
man who “taketh a city,” but to the stronger man who “ruleth his own spirit.” This stronger man is
he who, by discipline, exercises a constant control over his thoughts, his speech, and his acts.
Nine-tenths of the vicious desires that degrade society, and which, when indulged, swell into the
crimes that disgrace it, would shrink into insignificance before the advance of valiant
self-discipline, self-respect, and self-control. By the watchful exercise of these virtues, purity of
heart and mind become habitual, and the character is built up in chastity, virtue, and
temperance.

5. The Best Support.—The best support of character will always be found in
habit, which, according as the will is directed rightly or wrongly, as the case may be, will prove
either a benignant ruler, or a cruel despot. We may be its willing subject on the one hand, or its
servile slave on the other. It may help us on the road to good, or it may hurry us on the road to
ruin.

6. The Ideal Man.—”In the supremacy of self-control,” says Herbert Spencer,
“consists one of the perfections of the ideal man. Not to be impulsive, not to be spurred hither and
thither by each desire that in turn comes upper-most, but to be self-restrained, self-balanced,
governed by the joint decision of the feelings in council assembled, before whom every action
shall have been fully debated, and calmly determined—that it is which education, moral
education at least, strives to produce.”

7. The Best Regulated Home.—The best regulated home is always that in
which the discipline is the most perfect, and yet where it is the least felt. Moral discipline acts with
the force of a law of nature. Those subject to it yield themselves to it unconsciously; and though it
shapes and forms the whole character, until the life becomes crystallized in habit, the influence
thus exercised is for the most part unseen and almost unfelt.

8. Practice Self-denial.—If a man would get through life honorably and
peaceably, he must necessarily learn to practice self-denial in small things as well as in great. Men
have to bear as well as to forbear. The temper has to be held in subjection to the judgment; and
the little demons of ill-humor, petulance, and sarcasm, kept resolutely at a distance. If once they
find an entrance to the mind, they are apt to return, and to establish for themselves a permanent
occupation there.

9. Power of Words.—It is necessary to one’s personal happiness, to exercise
control over one’s words as well as acts: for there are words that strike even harder than blows;
and men may “speak daggers,” though they use none. The stinging repartee that rises to the lips,
and which, if uttered, might cover an adversary with confusion, how difficult it is to resist saying
it! “Heaven, keep us,” says Miss Bremer, in her ‘Home’, “from the destroying power of words!
There are words that sever hearts more than sharp swords do; there are words the point of which
sting the heart through the course of a whole life.”

10. Character Exhibits Itself.—Character exhibits itself in self-control of
speech as much as in anything else. The wise and forbearant man will restrain his desire to say a
smart or severe thing at the expense of another’s feeling; while the fool blurts out what he thinks,
and will sacrifice his friend rather than his joke. “The mouth of a wise man,” said Solomon, “is in
his heart; the heart of a fool is in his mouth.”

11. Burns.—No one knew the value of self-control better than the poet Burns,
and no one could teach it more eloquently to others, but when it came to practice, Burns was as
weak as the weakest. He could not deny himself the pleasure of uttering a harsh and clever
sarcasm at another’s expense. One of his biographers observed of him, that it was no extravagant
arithmetic to say that for every ten jokes he made himself a hundred enemies. But this was not all.
Poor Burns exercised no control over his appetites, but freely gave them the rein:

12. Sow Pollution.—Nor had he the self-denial to resist giving publicity to
compositions originally intended for the delight of the tap-room, but which continued secretly to
sow pollution broadcast in the minds of youth. Indeed, notwithstanding the many exquisite poems
of this writer, it is not saying too much that his immoral writings have done far more harm than
his purer writings have done good; and it would be better that all his writings should be destroyed
and forgotten, provided his indecent songs could be destroyed with them.

13. Moral Principle.—Many of our young men lack moral principle. They
cannot look upon a beautiful girl with a pure heart and pure thoughts. They have not manifested
or practiced that self-control which develops true manhood and brings into subordination evil
thoughts, evil passions, and evil practices. Men who have no self-control will find life a failure,
both in a social and in a business sense. The world despises an insignificant person who lacks
backbone and character. Stand upon your manhood and womanhood; honor your convictions, and
dare to do right.

14. Strong Drink.—There is the habit of strong drink. It is only the lack of
self-control that brings men into the depths of degradation; on account of the cup, the habit of
taking drink occasionally in its milder forms—of playing with a small appetite that only
needs sufficient playing with to make you a demon or a dolt. You think you are safe; I know you
are not safe, if you drink at all; and when you get offended with the good friends that warn you of
your danger, you are a fool. I know that the grave swallows daily, by scores, drunkards, every one
of whom thought he was safe while he was forming his appetite. But this is old talk. A young man
in this age who forms the habit of drinking, or puts himself in danger of forming the habit, is
usually so weak that he does not realize the consequences.

HABIT.

1. Habit.—Our real strength in life depends upon habits formed in early life.
The young man who sows his wild oats and indulges in the social cup, is fastening chains upon
himself that never can be broken. The innocent youth by solitary practice of self-abuse will fasten
upon himself a habit which will wreck his physical constitution and bring suffering and misery and
ruin. Young man and young woman, beware of bad habits formed in early life.

2. A
Bundle of Habits.—Man, it has been said, is a bundle of habits; and habit is second
nature. Metastasio entertained so strong an opinion as to the power of repetition in act and
thought, that he said, “All is habit in mankind, even virtue itself.” Evil habits must be conquered,
or they will conquer us and destroy our peace and happiness.

3. Vicious
Habits.—Vicious habits, when opposed, offer the most vigorous resistence on the first
attack. At each successive encounter this resistence grows fainter and fainter, until finally it ceases
altogether and the victory is achieved. Habit is man’s best friend and worst enemy; it can exalt him
to the highest pinnacle of virtue, honor and happiness, or sink him to the lowest depths of vice,
shame and misery.

4. Honesty, or Knavery.—We may form habits of honesty, or knavery; truth,
or falsehood; of industry, or idleness; frugality, or extravagance; of patience, or impatience;
self-denial, or self-indulgence; of kindness, cruelty, politeness, rudeness, prudence, perseverance,
circumspection. In short, there, is not a virtue, nor a vice; not an act of body, nor of mind, to
which we may not be chained down by this despotic power.

5. Begin
well.—It is a great point for young men to begin well; for it is the beginning of life that
that system of conduct is adopted which soon assumes the force of habit. Begin well, and the
habit of doing well will become quite easy, as easy as the habit of doing badly. Pitch upon that
course of life which is the most excellent, and habit will render it the most delightful.

A GOOD NAME.

1. The Longing for a Good Name.—The longing for a good name is one of
those laws of nature that were passed for the soul and written down within to urge toward a life
of action, and away from small or wicked action. So large is this passion that it is set forth in
poetic thought, as having a temple grand as that of Jupiter or Minerva, and up whose marble steps
all noble minds struggle—the temple of Fame.

2. Civilization.—Civilization is the ocean of which the millions of individuals
are the rivers and torrents. These rivers and torrents swell with those rains of money and home
and fame and happiness, and then fall and run almost dry, but the ocean of civilization has
gathered up all these waters, and holds them in sparkling beauty for all subsequent use.
Civilization is a fertile delta made by the drifting souls of men.

3.
Fame.—The word “fame” never signifies simply notoriety. The meaning of the
direct term may be seen from its negation or opposite, for only the meanest of men are called
infamous. They are utterly without fame, utterly nameless; but if fame implied only notoriety, then
infamous would possess no marked significance. Fame is an undertaker that pays but little
attention to the living, but who bedizens the dead, furnishes out their funerals and follows them to
the grave.

4. Life-Motive.—So in studying that life-motive which is called a “good
name,” we must ask the large human race to tell us the high merit of this spiritual longing. We
must read the words of the sage, who said long centuries ago that “a good name was rather
chosen than great riches.” Other sages have said as much. Solon said that “He that will sell his
good name will sell the State.” Socrates said, “Fame is the perfume of heroic deeds.” Our
Shakespeare said, “He lives in fame who died in virtue’s cause.”

5. Influences of Our
Age.—Our age is deeply influenced by the motives called property and home and
pleasure, but it is a question whether the generation in action today and the generation on the
threshold of this intense life are conscious fully of the worth of an honorable name.

6. Beauty of Character.—We do not know whether with us all a good name is
less sweet than it was with our fathers, but this is painfully evident that our times do not
sufficiently behold the beauty of character—their sense does not detect quickly enough or
love deeply enough this aroma of heroic deeds.

7. Selling Out Their Reputation.—It is amazing what multitudes there are who
are willing to sell out their reputation, and amazing at what a low price they will make the painful
exchange. Some king remarked that he would not tell a lie for any reward less than an empire. It
is not uncommon in our world for a man to sell out all his honor and hopes for a score or a half
score of dollars.

8. Prisons Overflowing.—Our prisons are all full to overflowing of those who
took no thought of honor. They have not waited for an empire to be offered them before they
would violate the sacred rights of man, but many of them have even murdered for a cause that
would not have justified even an exchange of words.

9. Integrity the Pride of the Government.—If integrity were made the pride of
the government, the love of it would soon spring up among the people. If all fraudulent men
should go straight to jail, pitilessly, and if all the most rigid characters were sought out for all
political and commercial offices, there would soon come a popular honesty just as there has come
a love of reading or of art. It is with character as with any new article—the difficulty lies in
its first introduction.

10. A New Virtue.—May a new virtue come into favor, all our high rewards,
those from the ballot-box, those from employers, the rewards of society, the rewards of the press,
should be offered only to the worthy. A few years of rewarding the worthy would result in a
wonderful zeal in the young to build up, not physical property, but mental and spiritual
worth.

11. Blessing the Family Group.—No young man or young woman can by
industry and care reach an eminence in study or art or character, without blessing the entire family
group. We have all seen that the father and mother feel that all life’s care and labor were at last
perfectly rewarded in the success of their child. But had the child been reckless or indolent, all this
domestic joy—the joy of a large group—would have been blighted forever.

12. An Honored Child.—There have been triumphs at old Rome, where
victors marched along with many a chariot, many an elephant, and many spoils of the East; and in
all times money has been lavished in the efforts of States to tell their pleasure in the name of some
general; but more numerous and wide-spread and beyond expression, by chariot or cannon or
drum, have been those triumphal hours, when some son or daughter has returned to the parental
hearth beautiful in the wreaths of some confessed excellence, bearing a good name.

13. Rich Criminals.—We looked at the utter wretchedness of the men who
threw away reputation, and would rather be rich criminals in exile than be loved friends and
persons at home.

14. An Empty, or an Evil Name.—Young and old cannot afford to bear the
burden of an empty or an evil name. A good name is a motive of life. It is a reason for that great
encampment we call an existence. While you are building the home of to-morrow, build up also
that kind of soul that can sleep sweetly on home’s pillow, and can feel that God is not near as an
avenger of wrong, but as the Father not only of the verdure and the seasons, but of you.

THE MOTHER’S INFLUENCE.

1. Her influence.—It is true to nature, although it be expressed in a figurative
form, that a mother is both the morning and the evening star of life. The light of her eye is always
the first to rise, and often the last to set upon man’s day of trial. She wields a power more decisive
far than syllogisms in argument or courts of last appeal in authority.

2. Her
Love.—Mother! ecstatic sound so twined round our hearts that they must cease to
throb ere we forget it; ’tis our first love; ’tis part of religion. Nature has set the mother upon such
a pinnacle that our infant eyes and arms are first uplifted to it; we cling to it in manhood; we
almost worship it in old age.

3. Her Tenderness.—Alas! how little do we appreciate a mother’s tenderness
while living. How heedless are we in youth of all her anxieties and kindness! But when she is dead
and gone, when the cares and coldness of the world come withering to our hearts, when we
experience for ourselves how hard it is to find true sympathy, how few to love us, how few will
befriend us in misfortune, then it is that we think of the mother we have lost.

4. Her
Controlling Power.—The mother can take man’s whole nature under her control. She
becomes what she has been called “The Divinity of Infancy.” Her smile is its sunshine, her word
its mildest law, until sin and the world have steeled the heart.

5. The Last Tie.—The young man who has forsaken the advice and influence
of his mother has broken the last cable and severed the last tie that binds him to an honorable and
upright life. He has forsaken his best friend, and every hope for his future welfare may be
abandoned, for he is lost forever, if he is faithless to mother, he will have but little respect for wife
and children.

6. Home Ties.—The young man or young woman who love their home and
love their mother can be safely trusted under almost any and all circumstances, and their life will
not be a blank, for they seek what is good. Their hearts will be ennobled, and God will bless
them.

HOME AMUSEMENTS

Home Power.

1. School of Character.—Home is the first and most important school of
character. It is there that every human being receives his best moral training, or his worst, for it is
there that he imbibes those principles of conduct which endure through manhood, and cease only
with life.

2. Home Makes the Man.—It is a common saying, “Manners make the man;”
and there is a second, that “Mind makes the man;” but truer than either is a third, that “Home
makes the man.” For the home-training includes not only manners and mind, but character. It is
mainly in the home that the heart is opened, the habits are formed, the intellect is awakened, and
character moulded for good or for evil.

3. Govern Society.—From that source, be it pure or impure, issue the
principles and maxims that govern society. Law itself is but the reflex of homes. The tiniest bits of
opinion sown in the minds of children in private life afterwards issue forth to the world, and
become its public opinion; for nations are gathered out of nurseries, and they who hold the
leading-strings of children may even exercise a greater power than those who wield the reins of
government.

4. The Child Is Father of the Man.—The child’s character is the nucleus of the
man’s; all after-education is but superposition; the form of the crystal remains the same. Thus the
saying of the poet holds true in a large degree, “The child is father of the man;” or as Milton puts
it, “The childhood shows the man, as morning shows the day.” Those impulses to conduct which
last the longest and are rooted the deepest, always have their origin near our birth. It is then that
the germs of virtues or vices, of feelings or sentiments, are first implanted which determine the
character of life.

5. Nurseries.—Thus homes, which are nurseries of children who grow up into
men and women, will be good or bad according to the power that governs them. Where the spirit
of love and duty pervades the home, where head and heart bear rule wisely there, where the daily
life is honest and virtuous, where the government is sensible, kind, and loving, then may we
expect from such a home an issue of healthy, useful, and happy beings, capable as they gain the
requisite strength, of following the footsteps of their parents, of walking uprightly, governing
themselves wisely, and contributing to the welfare of those about them.

6.
Ignorance, Coarseness, and Selfishness.—On the other hand, if surrounded by
ignorance, coarseness, and selfishness, they will unconsciously assume the same character, and
grow up to adult years rude, uncultivated, and all the more dangerous to society if placed amidst
the manifold temptations of what is called civilized life. “Give your child to be educated by a
slave,” said an ancient Greek “and, instead of one slave, you will then have two.”

7.
Maternal Love.—Maternal love is the visible providence of our race. Its influence
is constant and universal. It begins with the education of the human being at the outstart of life,
and is prolonged by virtue of the powerful influence which every good mother exercises over her
children through life. When launched into the world, each to take part in its labors, anxieties, and
trials, they still turn to their mother for consolation, if not for counsel, in their time of trouble and
difficulty. The pure and good thoughts she has implanted in their minds when children continue to
grow up into good acts long after she is dead; and when there is nothing but a memory of her left,
her children rise up and call her blessed.

8. Woman, above All Other Educators, educates humanly. Man is the brain, but
woman is the heart of humanity; he its judgment, she its feeling; he its strength, she its grace,
ornament and solace. Even the understanding of the best woman seems to work mainly through
her affections. And thus, though man may direct the intellect, woman cultivates the feelings,
which mainly determine the character. While he fills the memory, she occupies the heart. She
makes us love what he can make us only believe, and it is chiefly through her that we are enabled
to arrive at virtue.

9. The Poorest Dwelling, presided over by a virtuous, thrifty, cheerful, and cleanly
woman may thus be the abode of comfort, virtue and happiness; it may be the scene of every
enobling relation in family life; it may be endeared to man by many delightful associations;
furnishing a sanctuary for the heart, a refuge from the storms of life, a sweet resting-place after
labor, a consolation in misfortune, a pride in prosperity and a joy at all times.

10.
The Good Home Is Thus the Best of Schools, not only in youth but in age. There young
and old best learn cheerfulness, patience, self-control, and the spirit of service and of duty. The
home is the true school of courtesy, of which woman is always the best practical instructor.
“Without woman,” says the Provencal proverb, “men were but ill-licked cubs.” Philanthropy
radiates from the home as from a center. “To love the little platoon we belong to in society,” said
Burke, “is the germ of all public affections.” The wisest and best have not been ashamed to own it
to be their greatest joy and happiness to sit “behind the heads of children” in the inviolable circle
of home.

TO YOUNG WOMEN.

1. To Be a Woman, in the truest and highest sense of the word is to be the best thing
beneath the skies. To be a woman is something more than to live eighteen or twenty years;
something more than to grow to the physical stature of women; something more than to wear
flounces, exhibit dry goods, sport jewelry, catch the gaze of lewd-eyed men; something more than
to be a belle, a wife, or a mother. Put all these qualifications together and they do but little toward
making a true woman.

2. Beauty and Style are not the surest passports to womanhood—some of the
noblest specimens of womanhood that the world has ever seen have presented the plainest and
most unprepossessing appearance. A woman’s worth is to be estimated by the real goodness of
her heart, the greatness of her soul, and the purity and sweetness of her character; and a woman
with a kindly disposition and well-balanced temper is both lovely and attractive, be her face ever
so plain, and her figure ever so homely; she makes the best of wives and the truest of
mothers.

3. Beauty Is a Dangerous Gift.—It is even so. Like wealth, it has ruined its
thousands. Thousands of the most beautiful women are destitute of common sense and common
humanity. No gift from heaven is so general and so widely abused by woman as the gift of beauty.
In about nine cases in ten it makes her silly, senseless, thoughtless, giddy, vain, proud, frivolous,
selfish, low and mean. I think I have seen more girls spoiled by beauty than by any other one
thing, “She is beautiful, and she knows it,” is as much as to say that she is spoiled. A beautiful girl
is very likely to believe she was made to be looked at; and so she sets herself up for a show at
every window, in every door, on every corner of the street, in every company at which
opportunity offers for an exhibition of herself.

4. Beware of Beautiful Women.—These facts have long since taught sensible
men to beware of beautiful women—to sound them carefully before they give them their
confidence. Beauty is shallow—only skin deep; fleeting—only for a few years’ reign;
dangerous—tempting to vanity and lightness of mind; deceitful—dazzling of ten to
bewilder; weak—reigning only to ruin; gross—leading often to sensual pleasure. And
yet we say it need not be so. Beauty is lovely and ought to be innocently possessed. It has charms
which ought to be used for good purposes. It is a delightful gift, which ought to be received with
gratitude and worn with grace and meekness. It should always minister to inward beauty. Every
woman of beautiful form and features should cultivate a beautiful mind and heart.

5.
Rival the Boys.—We want the girls to rival the boys in all that is good, and
refined, and ennobling. We want them to rival the boys, as they well can, in learning, in
understanding, in virtues; in all noble qualities of mind and heart, but not in any of those things
that have caused them, justly or unjustly, to be described as savages. We want the girls to be
gentle—not weak, but gentle, and kind and affectionate. We want to be sure, that wherever
a girl is, there should be a sweet, subduing and harmonizing influence of purity, and truth, and
love, pervading and hallowing, from center to circumference, the entire circle in which she moves.
If the boys are savages, we want her to be their civilizer. We want her to tame them, to subdue
their ferocity, to soften their manners, and to teach them all needful lessons of order, sobriety, and
meekness, and patience and goodness.

6. Kindness.—Kindness is the ornament of man—it is the chief glory of
woman—it is, indeed, woman’s true prerogative—her sceptre and her crown. It is the
sword with which she conquers, and the charm with which she captivates.

7.
Admired and Beloved.—Young lady, would you be admired and beloved? Would
you be an ornament to your sex, and a blessing to your race? Cultivate this heavenly virtue.
Wealth may surround you with its blandishments, and beauty, and learning, or talents, may give
you admirers, but love and kindness alone can captivate the heart. Whether you live in a cottage
or a palace, these graces can surround you with perpetual sunshine, making you, and all around
you, happy.

8. Inward Grace.—Seek ye then, fair daughters, the possession of that inward
grace, whose essence shall permeate and vitalize the affections, adorn the countenance make
mellifluous the voice, and impart a hallowed beauty even to your motions. Not merely that you
may be loved, would I urge this, but that you may, in truth, be lovely—that loveliness
which fades not with time, nor is marred or alienated by disease, but which neither chance nor
change can in any way despoil.

9. Silken Enticements of the Stranger.—We urge you, gentle maiden, to
beware of the silken enticements of the stranger, until your love is confirmed by protracted
acquaintance. Shun the idler, though his coffers overflow with pelf. Avoid the
irreverent—the scoffer of hallowed things; and him who “looks upon the wine while it is
red;” him too, “who hath a high look and a proud heart,” and who “privily slandereth his
neighbor.” Do not heed the specious prattle about “first love,” and so place, irrevocably, the seal
upon your future destiny, before you have sounded, in silence and secrecy, the deep fountains of
your own heart. Wait, rather, until your own character and that of him who would woo you, is
more fully developed. Surely, if this “first love” cannot endure a short probation, fortified by “the
pleasures of hope,” how can it be expected to survive years of intimacy, scenes of trial, distracting
cares, wasting sickness, and all the homely routine of practical life? Yet it is these that constitute
life, and the love that cannot abide them is false and must die.

INFLUENCE OF FEMALE CHARACTER.

1. Moral Effect.—It is in its moral effect on the mind and the heart of man,
that the influence of woman is most powerful and important. In the diversity of tastes, habits,
inclinations, and pursuits of the two sexes, is found a most beneficent provision for controlling the
force and extravagance of human passion. The objects which most strongly seize and stimulate the
mind of man, rarely act at the same time and with equal power on the mind of woman. She is
naturally better, purer, and more chaste in thought and language.

2. Female
Character.—But the influence of female character on the virtue of men, is not seen
merely in restraining and softening the violence of human passion. To her is mainly committed the
task of pouring into the opening mind of infancy its first impressions of duty, and of stamping on
its susceptible heart the first image of its God. Who will not confess the influence of a mother in
forming the heart of a child? What man is there who can not trace the origin of many of the best
maxims of his life to the lips of her who gave him birth? How wide, how lasting, how sacred is
that part of a woman’s influence.

3. Virtue of a Community.—There is yet another by which woman may exert a
powerful influence on the virtue of a community. It rests with her in a pre-eminent degree, to give
tone and elevation to the moral character of the age, by deciding the degree of virtue that shall be
necessary to afford a passport to her society. If all the favor of woman were given only to the
good, if it were known that the charms and attractions of beauty and wisdom, and wit, were
reserved only for the pure; if, in one word, something of a similar rigor were exerted to exclude
the profligate and abandoned of society, as is shown to those, who have fallen from
virtue,—how much would be done to re-enforce the motives to moral purity among us, and
impress on the minds of all a reverence for the sanctity and obligations of virtue.

4.
The Influence of Woman on the Moral Sentiments.—The influence of woman on
the moral sentiments of society is intimately connected with her influence on its religious
character; for religion and a pure and elevated morality must ever stand in the relation to each
other of effect and cause. The heart of a woman is formed for the abode of sacred truth; and for
the reasons alike honorable to her character and to that of society. From the nature of humanity
this must be so, or the race would soon degenerate and moral contagion eat out the heart of
society. The purity of home is the safeguard to American manhood.

PERSONAL PURITY.

1. Words of the Great Teacher.—Mark the words of the Great Teacher: “If
thy right hand or foot cause thee to fall, cut it off and cast it from thee. If thy right eye cause thee
to fall, pluck it out. It is better for thee to enter into life maimed and halt, than having two eyes to
be cast into hell-fire, where the worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.”

2. A
Melancholy Fact.—It is a melancholy fact in human experience, that the noblest gifts
which men possess are constantly prostituted to other purposes than those for which they are
designed. The most valuable and useful organs of the body are those which are capable of the
greatest dishonor, abuse, and corruption. What a snare the wonderful organism of the eye may
become, when used to read corrupt books, or to look upon licentious pictures, or vulgar theater
scenes, or when used to meet the fascinating gaze of the harlot! What an instrument for depraving
the whole man may be found in the matchless powers of the brain, the hand, the mouth, or the
tongue! What potent instruments may these become in accomplishing the ruin of the whole being,
for time and eternity!

3. Abstinence.—Some can testify with thankfulness that they never knew the sins of
gambling, drunkenness, fornication, or adultery. In all these cases abstinence has been, and
continues to be, liberty. Restraint is the noblest freedom. No man can affirm that self-denial ever
injured him; on the contrary, self-restraint has been liberty, strength and blessing. Solemnly ask
young men to remember this when temptation and passion strive as a floodtide to move them
from the anchorage and peace of self-restraint. Beware of the deceitful stream of temporary
gratification, whose eddying current drifts towards license, shame, disease and death. Remember
how quickly moral power declines, how rapidly the edge of the fatal maelstrom is reached, how
near the vortex, how terrible the penalty, how fearful the sentence of everlasting punishment!

4. Frank Discussion.—The time has arrived for a full and frank discussion of
those things which affect the personal purity. Thousands are suffering to-day from various
weaknesses, the causes of which they have never learned. Manly vigor is not increasing with that
rapidity which a Christian age demands. Means of dissipation are on the increase. It is high time,
therefore, that every lover of the race should call a halt, and inquire into the condition of things.
Excessive modesty on this subject is not virtue. Timidity in presenting unpleasant but important
truths has permitted untold damage in every age.

5. Man Is a Careless Being.—He is very much inclined to sinful things. He
more often does that which is wrong than that which is right, because it is easier, and, for the
moment, perhaps, more satisfying to the flesh. The Creator is often blamed for man’s weaknesses
and inconsistencies. This is wrong. God did not intend that we should be mere machines, but free
moral agents. We are privileged to choose between good and evil. Hence, if we perseveringly
choose the latter, and make a miserable failure of life, we should blame only ourselves.

6. The Pulpit.—Would that every pulpit in the land might join hands with the
medical profession and cry out with no uncertain sound against the mighty evils herein
stigmatized! It would work a revolution for which coming society could never cease to be
grateful.

7. Strive to Attain a Higher Life.—Strive to attain unto a higher and better life.
Beware of all excesses, of whatever nature, and guard your personal purity with sacred
determination. Let every aspiration be upward, and be strong in every good, resolution. Seek the
light, for in light there is life, while in darkness there is decay and death.

HOW TO WRITE ALL KINDS OF LETTERS.

1. From the President in his cabinet to the laborer in the street; from the lady in her parlor to
the servant in her kitchen; from the millionaire to the beggar; from the emigrant to the settler;
from every country and under every combination of circumstances, letter writing in all its forms
and varieties is most important to the advancement, welfare and happiness of the human
family.

2. Education.—The art of conveying thought through the medium of written
language is so valuable and so necessary, a thorough knowledge of the practice must be desirable
to every one. For merely to write a good letter requires the exercise of much of the education and
talent of any writer.

3. A Good Letter.—A good letter must be correct in every mechanical detail,
finished in style, interesting in substance, and intelligible in construction. Few there are who do
not need write them; yet a letter perfect in detail is rarer than any other specimen of
composition.

4. Penmanship.—It is folly to suppose that the faculty for writing a good hand
is confined to any particular persons. There is no one who can write at all, but what can write
well, if only the necessary pains are practiced. Practice makes perfect. Secure a few copy books
and write an hour each day. You will soon write a good hand.

5. Write Plainly.—Every word of even the most trifling document should be
written in such clear characters that it would be impossible to mistake it for another word, or the
writer may find himself in the position of the Eastern merchant who, writing to the Indies for five
thousand mangoes, received by the next vessel five hundred monkies, with a promise of more in
the next cargo.

6. Haste.—Hurry is no excuse for bad writing, because any one of sense
knows that everything hurried is liable to be ruined. Dispatch may be acquired, but hurry will ruin
everything. If, however, you must write slowly to write well, then be careful not to hurry at all,
for the few moments you will gain by rapid writing will never compensate you for the disgrace of
sending an ill-written letter.

7. Neatness.—Neatness is also of great importance. A fair white sheet with
handsomely written words will be more welcome to any reader than a blotted, bedaubed page
covered with erasures and dirt, even if the matter in each be of equal value and interest. Erasures,
blots, interlineations always spoil the beauty of any letter.

8. Bad
Spelling.—When those who from faulty education, or forgetfulness are doubtful about
the correct spelling of any word, it is best to keep a dictionary at hand, and refer to it upon such
occasions. It is far better to spend a few moments in seeking for a doubtful word, than to dispatch
an ill-spelled letter, and the search will probably impress the spelling upon the mind for a future
occasion.

9. Carelessness.—Incorrect spelling will expose the most important or
interesting letter to the severest sarcasm and ridicule. However perfect in all other respects, no
epistle that is badly spelled will be regarded as the work of an educated gentleman or lady.
Carelessness will never be considered, and to be ignorant of spelling is to expose an imperfect
education at once.

10. An Excellent Practice.—After writing a letter, read it over carefully,
correct all the errors and re-write it. If you desire to become a good letter writer, improve your
penmanship, improve your language and grammar, re-writing once or twice every letter that you
have occasion to write, whether on social or business subjects.

11.
Punctuation.—A good rule for punctuation is to punctuate where the sense
requires it, after writing a letter and reading it over carefully you will see where the punctuation
marks are required, you can readily determine where the sense requires it, so that your letter will
convey the desired meaning.

12.
Correspondence.—There is no better school or better source for self-improvement
than a pleasant correspondence between friends. It is not at all difficult to secure a good list of
correspondents if desired. The young people who take advantage of such opportunities for
self-improvement will be much more popular in the community and in society. Letter writing
cultivates the habit of study; it cultivates the mind, the heart, and stimulates self-improvement in
general.

13. Folding.—Another bad practice with those unaccustomed to
corresponding is to fold the sheet of writing in such a fantastic manner as to cause the receiver
much annoyance in opening it. To the sender it may appear a very ingenious performance, but to
the receiver it is only a source of vexation and annoyance, and may prevent the communication
receiving the attention it would otherwise merit.

14. Simple Style.—The style of letter writing should be simple and unaffected,
not raised on stilts and indulging in pedantic displays which are mostly regarded as cloaks of
ignorance. Repeated literary quotations, involved sentences, long-sounding words and scraps of
Latin, French and other languages are, generally speaking, out of place, and should not be
indulged in.

15. The Result.—A well written letter has opened the way to prosperity for
many a one, has led to many a happy marriage and constant friendship, and has secured many a
good service in time of need; for it is in some measure a photograph of the writer, and may inspire
love or hatred, regard or aversion in the reader, just as the glimpse of a portrait often determine
us, in our estimate, of the worth of the person represented. Therefore, one of the roads to fortune
runs through the ink bottle, and if we want to attain a certain end in love, friendship or business,
we must trace out the route correctly with the pen in our hand.

How to Write a Love Letter.

1. Love.—There is no greater or more profound reality than love. Why that
reality should be obscured by mere sentimentalism, with all its train of absurdities is
incomprehensible. There is no nobler possession than the love of another. There is no higher gift
from one human being to another than love. The gift and the possession are true sanctifiers of life,
and should be worn as precious jewels, without affectation and without bashfulness. For this
reason there is nothing to be ashamed of in a love letter, provided it be sincere.

2.
Forfeits.—No man need consider that he forfeits dignity if he speaks with his
whole heart: no woman need fear she forfeits her womanly attributes if she responds as her heart
bids her respond. “Perfect love casteth out fear” is as true now as when the maxim was first given
to the world.

3. Telling Their Love.—The generality of the sex is, love to be loved; how are
they to know the fact that they are loved unless they are told? To write a sensible love letter
requires more talent than to solve, with your pen, a profound problem in philosophy. Lovers must
not then expect much from each other’s epistles.

4. Confidential.—Ladies and gentlemen who correspond with each other
should never be guilty of exposing any of the contents of any letters written expressing
confidence, attachment or love. The man who confides in a lady and honors her with his
confidence should be treated with perfect security and respect, and those who delight in showing
their confidential letters to others are unworthy, heartless and unsafe companions.

5.
Return of Letters.—If letters were written under circumstances which no longer
exist and all confidential relations are at an end, then all letters should be promptly returned.

6. How to Begin a Love Letter.—How to begin a love letter has been no
doubt the problem of lovers and suitors of all ages and nations. Fancy the youth of Young
America with lifted pen, thinking how he shall address his beloved. Much depends upon this
letter. What shall he say, and how shall he say it, is the great question. Perseverance, however,
will solve the problem and determine results.

7. Forms of Beginning a Love Letter.—Never say, “My Dearest Nellie,” “My
Adored Nellie,” or “My Darling Nellie,” until Nellie has first called you “My Dear,” or has given
you to understand that such familiar terms are permissible. As a rule a gentleman will never err if
he says “Dear Miss Nellie,” and if the letters are cordially reciprocated the “Miss” may in time be
omitted, or other familiar terms used instead. In addressing a widow “Dear Madam,” or, “My
Dear Madam,” will be a proper form until sufficient intimacy will justify the use of other
terms.

8. Respect.—A lady must always be treated with respectful delicacy, and a
gentleman should never use the term “Dear” or “My Dear” under any circumstances unless he
knows it is perfectly acceptable or a long and friendly acquaintance justifies it.

9.
How to Finish a Letter.—A letter will be suggested by the remarks on how to
begin one. “Yours respectfully,” “Yours truly,” “Yours sincerely,” “Yours affectionately,” “Yours
ever affectionately,” “Yours most affectionately,” “Ever yours,” “Ever your own,” or “Yours,” are
all appropriate, each depending upon the beginning of the letter. It is difficult to see any phrase
which could be added to them which would carry more meaning than they contain. People can
sign themselves “adorers” and such like, but they do so at the peril of good taste. It is not good
that men or women “worship” each other—if they succeed in preserving reciprocal love and
esteem they will have cause for great contentment.

10. Permission.—No young man should ever write to a young lady any letter,
formal or informal, unless he has first sought her permission to do so.

11. Special
Forms.—We give various forms or models of love letters to be studied, not
copied. We have given no replies to the forms given, as every letter written will naturally
suggest an answer. A careful study will be a great help to many who have not enjoyed the
advantages of a literary education.

FORMS OF SOCIAL LETTERS.

1.—From a Young Lady to a Clergyman Asking a
Recommendation.

Nantwich, May 18th, 1915

Reverend and Dear Sir:

Having seen an advertisment for a school mistress in the Daily Times, I have been
recommended to offer myself as a candidate. Will you kindly favor me with a testimonial as to my
character, ability and conduct while at Boston Normal School? Should you consider that I am
fitted for the position, you would confer a great favor on me if you would interest yourself in my
behalf.

2.—Applying for a Position as a Teacher of Music.

Scotland, Conn., January 21st, 1915

Madam,

Seeing your advertisement in The Clarion of to-day, I write to offer my services as a teacher
of music in your family.

I am a graduate of the Peabody Institute, of Baltimore, where I was thoroughly instructed in
instrumental and vocal music.

I refer by permission to Mrs. A.J. Davis, 1922 Walnut Street; Mrs. Franklin Hill, 2021 Spring
Garden Street, and Mrs. William Murray, 1819 Spruce Street, in whose families I have given
lessons.

3.—Applying for a Situation as a Cook.

Charlton Place,
September 8th, 1894.

Madam:

Having seen your advertisement for a cook in to-day’s Times, I beg to offer myself for your
place. I am a thorough cook. I can make clear soups, entrees, jellies, and all kinds of made dishes.
I can bake, and am also used to a dairy. My wages are $4 per week, and I can give good reference
from my last place, in which I lived for two years. I am thirty-three years of age.

4.—Recommending a School Teacher.

Ottawa, Ill., February 10th, 1894.

Dear Sir: I take pleasure in recommending to your favorable consideration the
application of Miss Hannah Alexander for the position of teacher in the public school at
Weymouth.

[pg 41, ToC]

Miss Alexander is a graduate of the Davidson Seminary, and for the past year has taught a
school in this place. My children have been among her pupils, and their progress has been entirely
satisfactory to me.

Miss Alexander is a strict disciplinarian, an excellent teacher, and is thoroughly competent to
conduct the school for which she applies.

Trusting that you may see fit to bestow upon her the appointment she seeks, I am.

5.—A Business Introduction.

My Dear Sir: This will introduce to you Mr. William Channing, of this city,
who visits Earlville on a matter of business, which he will explain to you in person. You can rely
upon his statements, as he is a gentleman of high character, and should you be able to render him
any assistance, it would be greatly appreciated by

6.—Introducing One Lady to Another.

Dundee, Tenn., May 5th, 1894.

Dear Mary:

Allow me to introduce to you my ever dear friend, Miss Nellie Reynolds, the bearer of this
letter. You have heard me speak of her so often that you will know at once who she is. As I am
sure you will be mutually pleased with each other, I have asked her to inform you of her presence
in your city. Any attention you may show her will be highly appreciated by

7.—To a Lady, Apologizing for a Broken Engagement.

Albany, N.Y., May 10th, 1894.

My Dear Miss Lee:

Permit me to explain my failure to keep my appointment with you this evening. I was on my
way to your house, with the assurance of a pleasant evening, when unfortunately I was very
unexpectedly called from home on very important business.

I regret my disappointment,
but hope that the future may afford us many pleasant meetings.

8.—Form of an Excuse for a Pupil.

Thursday Morning, April 4th

Mr. Bunnel:

You will please excuse William for non-attendance at school yesterday, as I was compelled to
keep him at home to attend to a matter of business. MRS. A. SMITH.

9.—Form of Letter Accompanying a Present.

Louisville, July 6, 1895

My Dearest Nelly:

Many happy returns of the day. So fearful was I that it would escape your memory, that I
thought I would send you this little trinket by way of reminder, I beg you to accept it and wear it
for the sake of the giver. With love and best wishes.

10.—Returning Thanks for the Present.

Louisville, July 6, 1894.

Dear Mrs. Collins:

I am very much obliged to you for the handsome bracelet you have sent me. How kind and
thoughtful it was of you to remember me on my birthday. I am sure I have every cause to bless
the day, and did I forget it, I have many kind friends to remind me of it. Again thanking you for
your present, which is far too beautiful for me, and also for your kind wishes.

11.—Congratulating a Friend Upon His Marriage.

Menton, N.Y., May 24th, 1894.

My Dear Everett:

I have, to-day received the invitation to your wedding, and as I cannot be present at that
happy event to offer my congratulations in person, I write.

I am heartily glad you are
going to be married, and congratulate you upon the wisdom of your choice. You have won a
noble as well as a beautiful woman, and one whose love will make you a happy man to your life’s
end. May God grant that trouble may not come near you but should it be your lot, you will have a
wife to whom you can look with confidence for comfort, and whose good sense and devotion to
you will be your sure and unfailing support.

That you may both be very happy, and that
your happiness may increase with your years, is the prayer of

Your Friend, FRANK HOWARD.

LETTER WRITING.

Any extravagant flattery should be avoided, both as tending to disgust those to whom it is
addressed, as well as to degrade the writers, and to create suspicion as to their sincerity. The
sentiments should spring from the tenderness of the heart, and, when faithfully and delicately
expressed, will never be read without exciting sympathy or emotion in all hearts not absolutely
deadened by insensibility.

Dear Nellie: Will you allow me, in a few plain and simple words, respectfully to
express the sincere esteem and affection I entertain for you, and to ask whether I may venture to
hope that these sentiments are returned? I love you truly and earnestly and knowing you admire
frankness and candor in all things, I cannot think that you will take offense at this letter. Perhaps it
is self-flattery to suppose I have any place in your regard. Should this be so, the error will carry
with it its own punishment, for my happy dream will be over. I will try to think otherwise,
however, and shall await your answer with hope. Trusting soon to hear from you, I remain, dear
Nellie.

FORMS OF LOVE LETTERS.

12.—An Ardent Declaration.

Naperville, Ill., June 10th, 1915

My Dearest Laura:

I can no longer restrain myself from writing to you, dearest and best of girls, what I have
often been on the point of saying to you. I love you so much that I cannot find words in which to
express my feelings. I have loved you from the very first day we met, and always shall. Do you
blame me because I write so freely? I should be unworthy of you if I did not tell you the whole
truth. Oh, Laura, can you love me in return? I am sure I shall not be able to bear it if your answer
is unfavorable. I will study your every wish if you will give me the right to do so. May I hope?
Send just one kind word to your sincere friend.

HARRY SMITH.

13.—A Lover’s Good-bye Before Starting on a
Journey.

Pearl St., New York, March 11th, 1894.

[pg 45, ToC]

My Dearest
Nellie: I am off to-morrow, and yet not altogether, for I leave my heart behind in your gentle
keeping. You need not place a guard over it, however, for it is as impossible that it should stay
away, as for a bit of steel to rush from a magnet. The simile is eminently correct for you, my dear
girl, are a magnet, and my heart is as true to you as steel. I shall make my absence as brief as
possible. Not a day, not an hour, not a minute, shall I waste either in going or returning. Oh, this
business; but I won’t complain, for we must have something for our hive besides
honey—something that rhymes with it—and that we must have it, I must bestir
myself. You will find me a faithful correspondent. Like the spider, I shall drop a line by (almost)
every post; and mind, you must give me letter for letter. I can’t give you credit. Your returns must
be prompt and punctual.

14.—From an Absent Lover.

Chicago, Ill., Sept. 10, 1915

My Dearest Kate: This sheet of paper, though I should cover it with loving words, could
never tell you truly how I long to see you again. Time does not run on with me now at the same
pace as with other people; the hours seem days, the days weeks, while I am absent from you, and
I have no faith in the accuracy of clocks and almanacs. Ah! if there were truth in clairvoyance,
wouldn’t I be with you at this moment! I wonder if you are as impatient to see me as I am to fly to
you? Sometimes it seems as if I must leave business and every thing else to the Fates, and take the
first train to Dawson. However, the hours do move, though they don’t appear to, and in a few
more weeks we shall meet again. Let me hear from you as frequently as possible in the meantime.
Tell me of your health, your amusements and your affections.

Remember that every
word you write will be a comfort to me.

15.—A Declaration of Love at First Sight.

Waterford, Maine, May 8th, 1915

Dear Miss Searles:

Although I have been in your society but once the impression you have made upon me is so
deep and powerful that I cannot forbear writing to you, in defiance of all rules of etiquette.
Affection is sometimes of slow growth but sometimes it springs up in a moment. In half an hour
after I was introduced to you my heart was no longer my own, I have not the assurance to
suppose that I have been fortunate enough to create any interest in yours; but will you allow me
to cultivate your acquaintance in the hope or being able to win your regard in the course of time?
Petitioning for a few lines in reply.

16.—Proposing Marriage.

Wednesday, October 20th, 1894

Dearest Etta:

The delightful hours I have passed in your society have left an impression on my mind that is
altogether indelible, and cannot be effaced even by time itself. The frequent opportunities I have
possessed, of observing the thousand acts of amiability and kindness which mark the daily tenor of
your life, have ripened my feelings of affectionate regard into a passion at once ardent and sincere
until I have at length associated my hopes of future happiness with the idea of you as a life
partner, in them. Believe me, dearest Etta, this is no puerile fancy, but the matured results of a
long and warmly cherished admiration of your many charms of person and mind. It is
love—pure devoted love, and I feel confident that your knowledge of my character will
lead you to ascribe my motives to their true source.

May I then implore you to consult your own heart, and should this avowal of my fervent and
honorable passion for you be crowned with your acceptance and approval, to grant me permission
to refer the matter to your parents. Anxiously awaiting your answer,

17.—From a Gentleman to a Widow.

Philadelphia, May 10th, 1915

My Dear Mrs. Freeman:

I am sure you are too clear-sighted not to have observed the profound impression which your
amiable qualities, intelligence and personal attractions have made upon my heart, and as you nave
not repelled my attentions nor manifested displeasure when I ventured to hint at the deep interest
I felt in your welfare and happiness, I cannot help hoping that you will receive an explicit
expression of my attachments, kindly and favorably. I wish it were in my power to clothe the
feelings I entertain for you in such words as should make my pleadings irresistible; but, after all,
what could I say, more than you are very dear to me, and that the most earnest desire of my soul
is to have the privilege of calling you my wife? Do you, can you love me? You will not, I am
certain, keep me in suspense, for you are too good and kind to trifle for a moment with sincerity
like mine. Awaiting your answer,

18.—From a Lady to an Inconstant Lover.

Dear
Harry:

It is with great reluctance that I enter upon a subject which has given me great pain, and upon
which silence has become impossible if I would preserve my self-respects. You cannot but be
aware that I have just reason for saying that you have much displeased me. You have apparently
forgotten what is due to me, circumstanced as we are, thus far at least. You cannot suppose that I
can tamely see you disregard my feelings, by conduct toward other ladies from which I should
naturally have the right to expect you to abstain. I am not so vulgar a person as to be jealous.
When there is cause to infer changed feelings, or unfaithfulness to promises of constancy, jealousy
is not the remedy. What the remedy is I need not say—we both of us have it in our hands. I
am sure you will agree with me that we must come to some understanding by which the future
shall be governed. Neither you nor I can bear a divided allegiance. Believe me that I write more in
sorrow than in anger. You have made me very unhappy, and perhaps thoughtlessly. But it will
take much to reassure me of your unaltered regard.

Hints and Helps on Good Behavior at All Times and at All Places.

1. It
takes acquaintance to found a noble esteem, but politeness prepares the way. Indeed, as ontaigne
[Transcriber’s note: Montaigne?]
says, Courtesy begets esteem at sight. Urbanity is half of affability, and affability is a charm worth
possessing. [Transcriber’s Note: the capital letter beginning the name in this paragraph is
missing in the original text.]

2. A pleasing demeanor is often the scales by which the pagan weighs the Christian. It is not
virtue, but virtue inspires it. There are circumstances in which it takes a great and strong soul to
pass under the little yoke of courtesy, but it is a passport to a greater soul standard.

3.
Matthew Arnold says, “Conduct is three-fourths of character,” and Christian benignity draws the
line for conduct. A high sense of rectitude, a lowly soul, with a pure and kind heart are elements
of nobility which will work out in the life of a human being at home—everywhere. “Private
refinement makes public gentility.”

4. If you would conciliate the favor of men, rule your resentment. Remember that if you
permit revenge or malice to occupy your soul, you are ruined.

5. Cultivate a happy
temper; banish the blues; a cheerful saguine spirit begets cheer and hope.

6. Be trustworthy and be trustful.

7. Do not place a light estimate upon the arts of good reading and good expression; they will
yield perpetual interest.

8. Study to keep versed in world events as well as in local occurrences, but abhor gossip, and
above all scandal.

9. Banish a self-conscience spirit—the source of much awkwardness—with a
constant aim to make others happy. Remember that it is incumbent upon gentlemen and ladies
alike to be neat in habits.

10. The following is said to be a correct posture for walking: Head erect—not too
rigid—chin in, shoulders back. Permit no unnecessary motion about the thighs. Do not lean
over to one side in walking, standing or sitting; the practice is not only ungraceful, but it is
deforming and therefore unhealthful.

11. Beware of affectation and of Beau Brummel airs.

12. If the hands are allowed to
swing in walking, the are should be limited, and the lady will manage them much more gracefully,
if they almost touch the clothing.

13. A lady should not stand with her hands behind her. We could almost say, forget the hands
except to keep them clean, including the nails, cordial and helpful. One hand may rest easily in the
other. Study repose of attitude here as well as in the rest of the body.

14. Gestures are
for emphasis in public speaking; do not point elsewhere, as a rule.

15. Greet your
acquaintances as you meet them with a slight bow and smile, as you speak.

16. Look the person to whom you speak in the eye. Never under any circumstances wink at
another or communicate by furtive looks.

17. Should you chance to be the rejected suitor of a lady, bear in mind your own self-respect,
as well as the inexorable laws of society, and bow politely when you meet her. Reflect that you do
not stand before all woman-kind as you do at her bar. Do not resent the bitterness of flirtation. No
lady or gentleman will flirt. Remember ever that painful prediscovery is better than later
disappointment. Let such experience spur you to higher exertion.

18. Discretion should
be exercised in introducing persons. Of two gentlemen who are introduced, if one is superior in
rank or age, he is the one to whom the introduction should be made. Of two social equals, if one
be a stranger in the place his name should be mentioned first.

19. In general the simpler the introduction the better.

20. Before introducing a
gentleman to a lady, remember that she is entitled to hold you responsible for the acquaintance.
The lady is the one to whom the gentleman is presented, which may be done thus: “Miss A, permit
me to introduce to you my friend, Mr. B.”; or, “Miss A., allow me to introduce Mr. B.” If mutual
and near friends of yours, say simply, “Miss A. Mr. B.”

21. Receive the introduction
with a slight bow and the
acknowledgment, “Miss A., I am happy to make your acquaintance”; or, “Mr. B., I am pleased to
meet you.” There is no reason why such stereotyped expressions should always be used, but
something similar is expected. Do not extend the hand usually.

22. A true lady will avoid
familiarity in her deportment towards gentlemen. A young lady should not permit her gentlemen
friends to address her by her home name, and the reverse is true. Use the title Miss and Mr.
respectively.

23. Ladies should be frank and cordial towards their lady friends, but never gushing.

24. Should you meet a friend twice or oftener, at short intervals, it is polite to bow slightly
each time after the first.

25. A lady on meeting a gentleman with whom she has slight acquaintance will make a
medium bow—neither too decided nor too slight or stiff.

26. For a gentleman to
take a young lady’s arm, is to intimate that she is feeble, and young ladies resent the mode.

27. If a young lady desires to visit any public place where she expects to meet a gentleman
acquaintance, she should have a chaperon to accompany her, a person of mature years When
possible, and never a giddy girl.

28. A lady should not ask a gentleman to walk with her.

A COMPLETE ETIQUETTE IN A FEW PRACTICAL RULES.

1. If you desire to be respected, keep clean. The finest attire and decorations will add
nothing to the appearance or beauty of an untidy person.

2. Clean clothing, clean
skin, clean hands, including the nails, and clean, white teeth, are a requisite passport for good
society.

3. A bad breath should be carefully remedied, whether it proceeds from the stomach or
from decayed teeth.

4. To pick the nose, finger about the ears, or scratch the head or any other part of the
person, in company, is decidedly vulgar.

5. When you call at any private residence, do not neglect to clean your shoes
thoroughly.

6. A gentleman should always remove his hat in the presence of ladies, except out of
doors, and then he should lift or touch his hat in salutation. On meeting a lady a well-bred
gentleman will always lift his hat.

7. An invitation to a lecture, concert, or other entertainment, may be either verbal or
written, but should always be made at least twenty-four hours before the time.

8. On entering a hall or church the gentleman should precede the lady in walking up the
aisle, or walk by her side, if the aisle is broad enough.

9. A gentleman should
always precede a lady upstairs, and follow her downstairs.

10. Visitors should
always observe the customs of the church with reference to standing, sitting, or kneeling during
the services.

11. On leaving a hall or church at the close of entertainment or services, the gentleman
should precede the lady.

12. A gentleman walking with a lady should carry the parcels, and never allow the lady to
be burdened with anything of the kind.

13. A gentleman meeting a lady on the street and wishing to speak to her, should never
detain her, but may turn around and walk in the same direction she is going, until the conversation
is completed.

14. If a lady is traveling with a gentleman, simply as a friend, she should place the amount
of her expenses in his hands, or insist on paying the bills herself.

15. Never offer
a lady costly gifts unless you are engaged to her, for it looks as if you were trying to purchase her
good-will; and when you make a present to a lady use no ceremony whatever.

16. Never carry on a private conversation in company. If secrecy is necessary, withdraw
from the company.

17. Never sit with your back to another without asking to be excused.

18. It is as unbecoming for a gentleman to sit with legs crossed as it is for a lady.

19. Never thrum with your fingers, rub your hands, yawn or sigh aloud in
company.

20. Loud laughter, loud talking, or other boisterous manifestations should be checked in
the society of others, especially on the street and in public places.

21. When you are asked to sing or play in company, do so without being urged, or refuse
in a way that shall be final; and when music is being rendered in company, show politeness to the
musician by giving attention. It is very impolite to keep up a conversation. If you do not enjoy the
music keep silent.

22. Contentions, contradictions, etc. in society should be carefully avoided.

23. Pulling out your watch in company, unless asked the time of day, is a mark of the
demi-bred. It looks as if you were tired of the company and the time dragged heavily.

24. You should never decline to be introduced to any one or all of the guests present at a
party to which you have been invited.

25. A gentleman who escorts a lady to a party, or who has a lady placed under his care, is
under particular obligations to attend to her wants and see that she has proper attention. He
should introduce her to others, and endeavor to make the evening pleasant. He should escort her
to the supper table and provide for her wants.

26. To take small children or dogs with you on a visit of ceremony is altogether vulgar,
though in visiting familiar friends, children are not objectionable.

Children Should be taught early the lessons of Propriety and Good
Manners.

ETIQUETTE OF CALLS.

In the matter of making calls it is the correct thing:

For the caller who arrived first to
leave first.

To return a first call within a week and in person.

To call promptly and in person
after a first invitation.

For the mother or chaperon to invite a gentleman to call.

To call within a week after any entertainment to which one has been invited.

You
should call upon an acquaintance who has recently returned from a prolonged absence.

It as proper to make the first call upon people in a higher social position, if one is asked to do
so.

It is proper to call, after an engagement has been announced, or a marriage has taken place, in
the family.

For the older residents in the city or street to call upon the newcomers to their neighborhood
is a long recognized custom.

It is proper, after a removal from one part of the city to another, to send out cards with one’s
new address upon them.

To ascertain what are the prescribed hours for calling in the place where one is living, or
making a visit, and to adhere to those hours is a duty that must not be overlooked.

A
gentleman should ask for the lady of the house as well as the young ladies, and leave cards for her
as well as for the head of the family.

ETIQUETTE IN YOUR SPEECH.

Don’t say Miss or Mister without the person’s name.

Don’t say pants for
trousers.

Don’t say gents for gentlemen.

Don’t say female for woman.

Don’t say elegant to mean everything that pleases you.

Don’t say genteel for
well-bred.

Don’t say ain’t for isn’t.

Don’t say I done it for I did it.

Don’t say he is older than me; say older than I.

Don’t say she does not see any; say she does not see at all.

Don’t say not as I know;
say not that I know.

Don’t say he calculates to get off; say he expects to get off.

Don’t say he don’t; say
he doesn’t.

Don’t say she is some better; say she is somewhat better.

Don’t say where are you
stopping? say where are you staying?

Don’t say you was; say you were.

Don’t
say I say, says I, but simply say I said.

Don’t sign your letters yours etc., but yours truly.

Don’t say lay for lie; lay expresses
action; lie expresses rest.

Don’t say them bonnets; say those bonnets.

Don’t say party for person.

Don’t say it looks beautifully, but say it looks beautiful.

Don’t say
feller, winder, to-morrer, for fellow, window, to-morrow.

Don’t use slangy words; they
are vulgar.

Don’t use profane words; they are sinful and foolish.

Don’t say it was her, when you
mean it was she.

Don’t say not at once for at once.

Don’t say he gave me a recommend, but say he gave me a
recommendation.

Don’t say the two first for the first two.

Don’t say he learnt me French; say he taught me French.

Don’t say lit the fire; say
lighted the fire.

Don’t say the man which you saw; say the man whom you saw.

Don’t say who done
it; say who did it

Don’t say if I was rich I would buy a carriage; say if I were rich.

Don’t say if I am
not mistaken you are in the wrong; say if I mistake not.

Don’t say who may you be; say
who are you?

Don’t say go lay down; say go lie down.

Don’t say he is taller than me; say taller than I.

Don’t say I shall call upon him; say I shall call on him.

Don’t say I bought a new pair
of shoes; say I bought a pair of new shoes.

Don’t say I had rather not; say I would rather not.

Don’t say two spoonsful; say two
spoonfuls.

ETIQUETTE OF DRESS AND HABITS.

Don’t let one day pass without a thorough cleansing of your person.

Don’t sit down
to your evening meal before a complete toilet if you have company.

Don’t cleanse your
nails, your nose or your ears in public.

Don’t use hair dye, hair oil or pomades.

Don’t wear evening dress in daytime.

Don’t wear jewelry of a gaudy character; genuine jewelry modestly worn is not out of
place.

Don’t overdress yourself or walk affectedly.

Don’t wear slippers or dressing-gown or smoking-jacket out of your own house.

Don’t sink your hands in your trousers’ pockets.

Don’t whistle in public places, nor inside of houses either.

Don’t use your fingers or
fists to beat a tattoo upon floor desk or window panes.

Don’t examine other people’s
papers or letters scattered on their desk.

Don’t bring a smell of spirits or tobacco into the presence of ladies.

Never use either
in the presence of ladies.

Don’t drink spirits; millions have tried it to their sorrow.

ETIQUETTE ON THE STREET.

1. Your conduct on the street should always be modest and dignified. Ladies should carefully
avoid all loud and boisterous conversation or laughter and all undue liveliness in public.

2. When walking on the street do not permit yourself to be absent-minded, as to fail to
recognize a friend; do not go along reading a book or newspaper.

3. In walking with a
lady on the street give her the inner side of the walk, unless the outside if the safer part; in which
case she is entitled to it.

4. Your arm should not be given to any lady except your wife or a near relative, or a very old
lady, during the day, unless her comfort or safety requires it. At night the arm should always be
offered; also in ascending the steps of a public building.

5. In crossing the street a lady
should gracefully raise her dress a little above her ankle with one hand. To raise the dress with
both hands is vulgar, except in places where the mud is very deep.

6. A gentleman
meeting a lady acquaintance on the street should not presume to join her in her walk without first
asking her permission.

7. If you have anything to say to a lady whom you may happen to meet in the street, however
intimate you may be, do not stop her, but turn round and walk in company with her; you can take
leave at the end of the street.

8. A lady should not venture out upon the street alone after dark. By so doing she
compromises her dignity, and exposes herself to indignity at the hands of the rougher class.

9. Never offer to shake hands with a lady in the street if you have on dark or soiled gloves, as
you may soil hers.

10. A lady does not form acquaintances upon the street, or seek to attract the attention of the
other sex or of persons of her own sex. Her conduct is always modest and unassuming. Neither
does a lady demand services or favors from a gentleman. She accepts them graciously, always
expressing her thanks. A gentleman will not stand on the street corners, or in hotel doorways, or
store windows and gaze impertinently at ladies as they pass by. This is the exclusive business of
loafers.

11. In walking with a lady who has your arm, should you have to cross the street, do not
disengage your arm and go around upon the outside, unless the lady’s comfort renders it
necessary. In walking with a lady, where it is necessary for you to proceed singly, always go
before her.

ETIQUETTE BETWEEN SEXES.

1. A lady should be a lady, and a gentleman a gentleman under any and all circumstances.

2. Female Indifference to Man.—There is nothing that affects the nature and
pleasure of man so much as a proper and friendly recognition from a lady, and as women are more
or less dependent upon man’s good-will, either for gain or pleasure, it surely stands to their
interest to be reasonably pleasant and courteous in his presence or society. Indifference is always
a poor investment, whether in society or business.

3. Gallantry and Ladyism should be a prominent feature in the education of young
people. Politeness to ladies cultivates the intellect and refines the soul and he who can be easy and
entertaining in the society of ladies has mastered one of the greatest accomplishments. There is
nothing taught in school, academy or college, that contributes so much to the happiness of man as
a full development of his social and moral qualities.

4. Ladylike Etiquette.—No woman can afford to treat men rudely. A lady
must have a high intellectual and moral ideal and hold herself above reproach. She must remember
that the art of pleasing and entertaining gentlemen is infinitely more ornamental than laces, ribbons
or diamonds. Dress and glitter may please man, but it will never benefit him.

5.
Cultivate Deficiencies.—Men and women poorly sexed treat each other with more
or less indifference, whereas a hearty sexuality inspires both to a right estimation of the faculties
and qualities of each other. Those who are deficient should seek society and overcome their
deficiencies. While some naturally inherit faculties as entertainers others are compelled to acquire
them by cultivation.

6.
Ladies’ Society.—He who seeks ladies’ society should seek an education and
should have a pure heart and a pure mind. Read good, pure and wholesome literature and study
human nature, and you will always be a favorite in the society circle.

7. Woman
Haters.—Some men with little refinement and strong sensual feelings virtually insult
and thereby disgust and repel every female they meet. They look upon woman with an inherent
vulgarity, and doubt the virtue and integrity of all alike. But it is because they are generally
insincere and impure themselves, and with such a nature culture and refinement are out of the
question, there must be a revolution.

8. Men Haters.—Women who look upon all men as odious, corrupt or hateful,
are no doubt so themselves, though they may be clad in silk and sparkle with diamonds and be as
pretty as a lily; but their hypocrisy will out, and they can never win the heart of a faithful,
conscientious and well balanced man. A good woman has broad ideas and great sympathy. She
respects all men until they are proven unworthy.

9. Fond of Children.—The man who is naturally fond of children will make a
good husband and a good father. So it behooves the young man, to notice children and cultivate
the art of pleasing them. It will be a source of interest, education and permanent benefit to
all.

10. Excessive Luxury.—Although the association with ladies is an expensive
luxury, yet it is not an expensive education. It elevates, refines, sanctifies and purifies, and
improves the whole man. A young man who has a pure and genuine respect for ladies, will not
only make a good husband, but a good citizen as well.

11. Masculine
Attention.—No woman is entitled to any more attention than her loveliness and
ladylike conduct will command. Those who are most pleasing will receive the most attention, and
those who desire more should aspire to acquire more by cultivating those graces and virtues
which ennoble woman, but no lady should lower or distort her own true ideal, or smother and
crucify her conscience, in order to please any living man. A good man will admire a good woman,
and deceptions cannot long be concealed. Her show of dry goods or glitter of jewels cannot long
cover up her imperfections or deceptions.

12. Purity.—Purity of purpose will solve all social problems. Let all stand on
this exalted sexual platform, and teach every man just how to treat the female sex, and every
woman how to behave towards the masculine; and it will incomparably adorn the manners of
both, make both happy in each other, and mutually develop each other’s sexuality and
humanity.

PRACTICAL RULES ON TABLE MANNERS.

1. Help ladies with a due appreciation; do not overload the plate of any person you serve.
Never pour gravy on a plate without permission. It spoils the meat for some persons.

2.
Never put anything by force upon any one’s plate. It is extremely ill-bred, though extremely
common, to press one to eat of anything.

3. If at dinner you are requested to help any one to sauce or gravy, do not pour it over the
meat or vegetables, but on one side of them. Never load down a person’s plate with anything.

4. As soon as you are helped, begin to eat, or at least begin to occupy yourself with what you
have before you. Do not wait till your neighbors are served—a custom that was long ago
abandoned.

5. Should you, however, find yourself at a table where they have the old-fashioned steel forks,
eat with your knife, as the others do, and do not let it be seen that you have any objection to
doing so.

6. Bread should be broken. To butter a large piece of bread and then bite it, as children do, is
something the knowing never do.

7. In eating game or poultry do not touch the bones with your fingers. To take a bone in the
fingers for the purpose of picking it, is looked upon as being very inelegant.

8. Never
use your own knife or fork to help another. Use rather the knife or fork of the person you
help.

9. Never send your knife or fork, or either of them, on your plate when you send for second
supply.

10. Never turn your elbows out when you use your knife and fork. Keep them close to your
sides.

11. Whenever you use your fingers to convey anything to your mouth or to remove anything
from the mouth, let it be the fingers of the left hand.

12. Tea, coffee, chocolate and the
like are drank from the cup and never from the saucer.

13. In masticating your food,
keep your mouth shut; otherwise you will make a noise that will be very offensive to those around
you.

14. Don’t attempt to talk with a full mouth. One thing at a time is as much as any man can do
well.

15. Should you find a worm or insect in your food, say nothing about it.

16. If a dish
is distasteful to you, decline it, and without comment.

17. Never put bones or bits of
fruit on the table cloth. Put them on the side of your plate.

18. Do not hesitate to take
the last piece on the dish, simply because it is the last. To do so is to directly express the fear that
you would exhaust the supply.

19. If you would be what you would like to
be—abroad, take care that you are what you would like to be—at home.

20. Avoid picking your teeth at the table if possible; but if you must, do it, it you can, where
you are not observed.

21. If an accident of any kind soever should occur during dinner, the cause being who or what
it may, you should not seem to note it.

22. Should you be so unfortunate as to overturn or to break anything, you should make no
apology. You might let your regret appear in your face, but it would not be proper to put it in
words.

SOCIAL DUTIES.

1. Membership in Society.—Many fail to get hold of the idea that they are
members of society. They seem to suppose that the social machinery of the world is
self-operating. They cast their first ballot with an emotion of pride perhaps, but are sure to pay
their first tax with a groan. They see political organizations in active existence; the parish, and the
church, and other important bodies that embrace in some form of society all men, are successfully
operated; and yet these young men have no part or lot in the matter. They do not think of giving a
day’s time to society.

2. Begin Early.—One of the first things a young man should do is to see that
he is acting his part in society. The earlier this is begun the better. I think that the opponents of
secret societies in colleges have failed to estimate the benefit which it must be to every member to
be obliged to contribute to the support of his particular organization, and to assume personal care
and responsibility as a member. If these societies have a tendency to teach the lessons of which I
speak, they are a blessed thing.

3. Do Your Part.—Do your part, and be a man among men. Assume your
portion of social responsibility, and see that you discharge it well. If you do not do this, then you
are mean, and society has the right to despise you just as much as it chooses to do so. You are, to
use a word more emphatic than agreeable, a sneak, and have not a claim upon your neighbors for
a single polite word.

4. A Whining Complainer.—Society, as it is called, is far more apt to pay its
dues to the individual than the individual to society. Have you, young man, who are at home
whining over the fact that you cannot get into society, done anything to give you a claim to social
recognition? Are you able to make any return for social recognition and social privileges? Do you
know anything? What kind of coin do you propose to pay in the discharge of the obligation which
comes upon you with social recognition? In other words, as a return for what you wish to have
society do for you, what can you do for society? This is a very important question—more
important to you than to society. The question is, whether you will be a member of society by
right, or by courtesy. If you have so mean a spirit as to be content to be a beneficiary of
society—to receive favors and to confer none—you have no business in the society
to which you aspire. You are an exacting, conceited fellow.

5. What Are You Good For?—Are you a good beau, and are you willing to
make yourself useful in waiting on the ladies on all occasions? Have you a good set of teeth,
which you are willing to show whenever the wit of the company gets off a good thing? Are you a
true, straightforward, manly fellow, with whose healthful and uncorrupted nature it is good for
society to come in contact? In short, do you possess anything of any social value? If you do, and
are willing to impart it, society will yield itself to your touch. If you have nothing, then society, as
such, owes you nothing. Christian philanthropy may put its arm around you, as a lonely young
man, about to spoil for want of something, but it is very sad and humiliating for a young man to
be brought to that. There are people who devote themselves to nursing young men, and doing
them good. If they invite you to tea, go by all means, and try your hand. If in the course of the
evening, you can prove to them that your society is desirable, you have won a point. Don’t be
patronized.

6. The Morbid Condition.—Young men, you are a get into a morbid state of
mind, which declines them to social intercourse. They become devoted to business with such
exclusiveness, that all social intercourse is irksome. They go out to tea as if they were going to
jail, and drag themselves to a party as to an execution. This disposition is thoroughly morbid, and
to be overcome by going where you are invited, always, and with a sacrifice of feeling.

7. The Common Blunder.—Don’t shrink from contact with anything but bad
morals. Men who affect your unhealthy minds with antipathy, will prove themselves very
frequently to be your best friends and most delightful companions. Because a man seems
uncongenial to you, who are squeamish and foolish, you have no right to shun him. We become
charitable by knowing men. We learn to love those whom we have despised by rubbing against
them. Do you not remember some instance of meeting a man or woman whom you had never
previously known or cared to know—an individual, perhaps, against whom you have
entertained the strongest prejudices—but to whom you became bound by a lifelong
friendship through the influence of a three days’ intercourse? Yet, if you had not thus met, you
would have carried through life the idea that it would be impossible for you to give your
fellowship to such an individual.

8. The Foolishness of Man.—God has introduced into human character infinite
variety, and for you to say that you do not love and will not associate with a man because he is
unlike you, is not only foolish but wrong. You are to remember that in the precise manner and
decree in which a man differs from you, do you differ from him; and that from his standpoint you
are naturally as repulsive to him, as he, from your standpoint, is to you. So, leave all this talk of
congeniality to silly girls and transcendental dreamers.

9. Do
Business in Your Way and Be Honest.—Do your business in your own way, and
concede to every man the privilege which you claim for yourself. The more you mix with men, the
less you will be disposed to quarrel, and the more charitable and liberal will you become. The fact
that you do not understand a man, is quite as likely to be your fault as his. There are a good many
chances in favor of the conclusion that, if you fail to like an individual whose acquaintance you
make it is through your own ignorance and illiberality. So I say, meet every man honestly; seek to
know him; and you will find that in those points in which he differs from you rests his power to
instruct you, enlarge you, and do you good. Keep your heart open for everybody, and be sure
that you shall have your reward. You shall find a jewel under the most uncouth exterior; and
associated with homeliest manners and oddest ways and ugliest faces, you will find rare virtues,
fragrant little humanities, and inspiring heroisms.

10. Without Society, Without
Influence.—Again: you can have no influence unless you are social. An unsocial man is
as devoid of influence as an ice-peak is of verdure. It is through social contact and absolute social
value alone that you can accomplish any great social good. It is through the invisible lines which
you are able to attach to the minds with which you are brought into association alone that you can
tow society, with its deeply freighted interests, to the great haven of your hope.

11. The Revenge of Society.—The revenge which society takes upon the man
who isolates himself, is as terrible as it is inevitable. The pride which sits alone will have the
privilege of sitting alone in its sublime disgust till it drops into the grave. The world sweeps by the
man, carelessly, remorselessly, contemptuously. He has no hold upon society, because he is no
part of it.

12. The Conclusion of the Whole Matter.—You cannot move men until you
are one of them. They will not follow you until they have heard your voice, shaken your hand, and
fully learned your principles and your sympathies. It makes no difference how much you know, or
how much you are capable of doing. You may pile accomplishment upon acquisition mountain
high; but if you fail to be a social man, demonstrating to society that your lot is with the rest, a
little child with a song in its mouth, and a kiss for all and a pair of innocent hands to lay upon the
knees, shall lead more hearts and change the direction of more lives than you.

POLITENESS.

1. Beautiful Behavior.—Politeness has been described as the art of showing,
by external signs, the internal regard we have for others. But one may be perfectly polite to
another without necessarily paying a special regard for him. Good manners are neither more nor
less than beautiful behavior. It has been well said that “a beautiful form is better than a beautiful
face, and a beautiful behavior is better than a beautiful form; it gives a higher pleasure than statues
or pictures—it is the finest of the fine arts.”

2. True
Politeness.—The truest politeness comes of sincerity. It must be the outcome of the
heart, or it will make no lasting impression; for no amount of polish can dispense with
truthfulness. The natural character must be allowed to appear, freed of its angularities and
asperities. Though politeness, in its best form, should resemble water—”best when clearest,
most simple, and without taste”—yet genius in a man will always cover many defects of
manner, and much will be excused to the strong and the original. Without genuineness and
individuality, human life would lose much of its interest and variety, as well as its manliness and
robustness of character.

3. Personality of Others.—True politeness especially exhibits itself in regard
for the personality of others. A man will respect the individuality of another if he wishes to be
respected himself. He will have due regard for his views and opinions, even though they differ
from his own. The well-mannered man pays a compliment to another, and sometimes even secures
his respect by patiently listening to him. He is simply tolerant and forbearant, and refrains from
judging harshly; and harsh judgments of others will almost invariably provoke harsh judgments of
ourselves.

4. The Impolite.—The impolite, impulsive man will, however, sometimes
rather lose his friend than his joke. He may surely be pronounced a very foolish person who
secures another’s hatred at the price of a moment’s gratification. It was a saying of Burnel, the
engineer—himself one of the kindest-natured of men—that “spite and ill-nature are
among the most expensive luxuries in life.” Dr. Johnson once said: “Sir, a man has no more right
to say a rude thing to another than to knock him down.”

5. Feelings of Others.—Want of respect for the feelings of others usually
originates in selfishness, and issues in hardness and repulsiveness of manner. It may not proceed
from malignity so much, as from want of sympathy, and want of delicacy—a want of that
perception of, and attention to, those little and apparently trifling things, by which pleasure is
given or pain occasioned to others. Indeed, it may be said that in self-sacrifice in the ordinary
intercourse of life, mainly consists the difference between being well and ill bred. Without some
degree of self-restraint in society a man may be found almost insufferable. No one has pleasure in
holding intercourse with such a person, and he is a constant source of annoyance to those about
him.

6. Disregard of Others.—Men may show their disregard to others in various
impolite ways, as, for instance, by neglect of propriety in dress, by the absence of cleanliness, or
by indulging in repulsive habits. The slovenly, dirty person, by rendering himself physically
disagreeable, sets the tastes and feelings of others at defiance, and is rude and uncivil, only under
another form.

7. The Best School of Politeness.—The first and best school of politeness, as
of character, is always the home, where woman is the teacher. The manners of society at large are
but the reflex of the manners of our collective homes, neither better nor worse. Yet, with all the
disadvantages of ungenial homes, men may practice self-culture of manner as of intellect, and
learn by good examples to cultivate a graceful and agreeable behavior towards others. Most men
are like so many gems in the rough, which need polishing by contact with other and better
natures, to bring out their full beauty and lustre. Some have but one side polished, sufficient only
to show the delicate graining of the interior; but to bring out the full qualities of the gem, needs
the discipline of experience, and contact with the best examples of character in the intercourse of
daily life.

8. Captiousness of Manner.—While captiousness of manner, and the habit of
disputing and contradicting every thing said, is chilling and repulsive, the opposite habit of
assenting to, and sympathizing with, every statement made, or emotion expressed, is almost
equally disagreeable. It is unmanly, and is felt to be dishonest. “It may seem difficult,” says
Richard Sharp, “to steer always between bluntness and plain dealing, between merited praises and
lavishing indiscriminate flattery; but it is very easy—good humor, kindheartedness, and
perfect simplicity, being all that are requisite to do what is right in the right way. At the same time
many are impolite, not because they mean to be so, but because they are awkward, and perhaps
know no better.”

9. Shy People.—Again many persons are thought to be stiff, reserved, and
proud, when they are only shy. Shyness is characteristic of most people of the Teutonic race.
From all that can be learned of Shakespeare, it is to be inferred that he was an exceedingly shy
man. The manner in which his plays were sent into the world—for it is not known that he
edited or authorized the publication of a single one of them,—and the dates at which they
respectively appeared, are mere matters of conjecture.

10.
Self-Forgetfulness.—True politeness is best evinced by self-forgetfulness, or
self-denial in the interest of others. Mr. Garfield, our martyred president, was a gentleman of royal
type. His friend, Col. Rockwell, says of him: “In, the midst of his suffering he never forgets
others. For instance, to-day he said to me, ‘Rockwell, there is a poor soldier’s widow who came to
me before this thing occurred, and I promised her, she should be provided for. I want you to see
that the matter is attended to at once.’ He is the most docile patient I ever saw.”

11.
Its Bright Side.—We have thus far spoken of shyness as a defect. But there is
another way of looking at it; for even shyness has its bright side, and contains an element of good.
Shy men and shy races are ungraceful and undemonstrative, because, as regards society at large,
they are comparatively unsociable. They do not possess those elegancies of manner acquired by
free intercourse, which distinguish the social races, because their tendency is to shun society
rather than to seek it. They are shy in the presence of strangers, and shy even in their own
families. They hide their affections under a robe of reserve, and when they do give way to their
feelings, it is only in some very hidden inner chamber. And yet, the feelings are there, and not the
less healthy and genuine, though they are not made the subject of exhibition to others.

12. Worthy of Cultivation.—While, therefore, grace of manner, politeness of
behavior, elegance of demeanor, and all the arts that contribute to make life pleasant and
beautiful, are worthy of cultivation, it must not be at the expense of the more solid and enduring
qualities of honesty, sincerity, and truthfulness. The fountain of beauty must be in the heart more
than in the eye, and if it does not tend to produce beautiful life and noble practice, it will prove of
comparatively little avail. Politeness of manner is not worth much, unless it is accompanied by
polite actions.

Influence of Good Character.

1. Reputation.—The two most precious things this side the grave are our
reputation and our life. But it is to be lamented that the most contemptible whisper may deprive
us of the one, and the weakest weapon of the other. A wise man, therefore, will be more anxious
to deserve a fair name than to possess it, and this will teach him so to live, as not to be afraid to
die.

2. Character.—Character is one of the greatest motive powers in the world. In
its noblest embodiments, it exemplifies human nature in its highest forms, for it exhibits man at his
best.

3. The Heart That Rules in Life.—Although genius always commands
admiration, character most secures respect. The former is more the product of brain power, the
latter of heart power; and in the long run it is the heart that rules in life. Men of genius stand to
society in the relation of its intellect as men of character of its conscience: and while the former
are admired, the latter are followed.

4. The Highest Ideal of Life and
Character.—Common-place though it may appear, this doing of one’s duty embodies
the highest ideal of life and character. There may be nothing heroic about it; but the common lot
of men is not heroic. And though the abiding sense of duty upholds man in his highest attitudes, it
also equally sustains him in the transaction of the ordinary affairs of every-day existence. Man’s
life is “centered in the sphere of common duties.” The most influential of all the virtues are those
which are the most in request for daily use. They wear the best, and last the longest.

5. Wealth.—Wealth in the hands of men of weak purpose, or deficient self-control,
or of ill regulated passions is only a temptation and a snare—the source, it may be, of
infinite mischief to themselves, and often to others.

On the contrary, a condition of comparative poverty is compatible with character in its highest
form. A man may possess only his industry, his frugality, his integrity, and yet stand high in the
rank of true manhood. The advice which Burns’ father gave him was the best:

6. Character is Property.—It is the noblest of possessions. It is an estate in the
general good-will and respect of men; they who invest in it—though they may not become
rich in this world’s goods—will find their reward in esteem and reputation fairly and
honorably won. And it is right that in life good qualities should tell—that industry, virtue,
and goodness should rank the highest—and that the really best men should be
foremost.

7. Simple Honesty of Purpose.—This in a man goes a long way in life, if
founded on a just estimate of himself and a steady obedience to the rule he knows and feels to be
right. It holds a man straight, gives him strength and sustenance, and forms a mainspring of
vigorous action. No man is bound to be rich or great—no, nor to be wise—but every
man is bound to be honest and virtuous.

FAMILY GOVERNMENT.

1. Gentleness Must Characterize Every Act of
Authority.—The storm of excitement that may make the child start, bears no relation
to actual obedience. The inner firmness, that sees and feels a moral conviction and expects
obedience, is only disguised and defeated by bluster. The more calm and direct it is, the greater
certainty it has of dominion.

2. For the Government of Small Children.—For the government of small
children speak only in the authority of love, yet authority, loving and to be obeyed. The most
important lesson to impart is obedience to authority as authority. The question of salvation with
most children will be settled as soon as they learn to obey parental authority. It establishes a habit
and order of mind that is ready to accept divine authority. This precludes skepticism and
disobedience, and induces that childlike trust and spirit set forth as a necessary state of salvation.
Children that are never made to obey are left to drift into the sea of passion where the pressure for
surrender only tends to drive them at greater speed from the haven of safety.

3.
Habits of Self-Denial.—Form in the child habits of self-denial. Pampering never
matures good character.

4. Emphasize Integrity.—Keep the moral tissues tough in integrity; then it will
hold a hook of obligations when once set in a sure place. There is nothing more vital. Shape all
your experiments to preserve the integrity. Do not so reward it that it becomes mercenary.
Turning State’s evidence is a dangerous experiment in morals. Prevent deceit from
succeeding.

5. Guard Modesty.—To be brazen is to imperil some of the best elements of
character. Modesty may be strengthened into a becoming confidence, but brazen facedness can
seldom be toned down into decency. It requires the miracle of grace.

6. Protect
Purity.—Teach your children to loathe impurity. Study the character of their
playmates. Watch their books. Keep them from corruption at all cost. The groups of youth in the
school and in society, and in business places, seed with improprieties of word and thought. Never
relax your vigilance along this exposed border.

7. Threaten the Least Possible.—In family government threaten the least
possible. Some parents rattle off their commands with penalties so profusely that there is a steady
roar of hostilities about the child’s head. These threats are forgotten by the parent and unheeded
by the child. All government is at an end.

8. Do Not Enforce Too Many Commands.—Leave a few things within the
range of the child’s knowledge that are not forbidden. Keep your word good, but do not have too
much of it out to be redeemed.

9. Punish as Little as Possible.—Sometimes punishment is necessary, but the
less it is resorted to the better.

10. Never Punish in a Passion.—Wrath only becomes cruelty. There is no
moral power in it. When you seem to be angry you can do no good.

11. Brutish
Violence Only Multiplies
Offenders.—Striking and beating the body seldom reaches the soul. Fear and hatred
beget rebellion.

12. Punish Privately.—Avoid punishments that break down self-respect.
Striking the body produces shame and indignation. It is enough for the other children to know
that discipline is being administered.

13. Never Stop Short of Success.—When the child is not conquered the
punishment has been worse than wasted. Reach the point where neither wrath nor sullenness
remain. By firm persistency and persuasion require an open look of recognition and peace. It is
only evil to stir up the devil unless he is cast out. Ordinarily one complete victory will last a child
for a lifetime. But if the child relapses, repeat the dose with proper accompaniments.

14.
Do Not Require Children to Complain of Themselves for Pardon.—It begets either
sycophants or liars. It is the part of the government to detect offences. It reverses the order of
matters to shirk this duty.

15. Grade Authority Up to Liberty.—The growing child must have
experiments of freedom. Lead him gently into the family. Counsel with him. Let him plan as he
can. By and by he has the confidence of courage without the danger of exposures.

16.
Respect.—Parents must respect each other. Undermining either undermines both.
Always govern in the spirit of love.

CONVERSATION.

Some men are very entertaining for a first interview, but after that they are exhausted, and run
out; on a second meeting we shall find them very flat and monotonous; like hand-organs, we have
heard all their tunes.—COULTON.

He who sedulously attends, pointedly asks, calmly speaks, coolly answers, and ceases when
he has no more to say, is in possession of some of the best requisites of
man.—LAVATER.

Beauty is never so lovely as when adorned with the smile, and conversation never sits easier
upon us than when we know and then discharge ourselves in a symphony of Laughter, which may
not improperly be called the Chorus of Conversation.—STEELE.

The first
ingredient in Conversation is Truth, the next Good Sense, the third Good Humor, and the fourth
Wit.—SIR WILLIAM TEMPLE.

Home Lessons in Conversation.

Say nothing unpleasant when it can be avoided.

Avoid satire and sarcasm.

Never repeat a word that was not intended for repetition.

Cultivate the supreme
wisdom, which consists less in saying what ought to be said than in not saying what ought not to
be said.

Often cultivate “flashes of silence.”

It is the larger half of the conversation to listen well.

Listen to others patiently,
especially the poor.

Sharp sayings are an evidence of low breeding.

Shun faultfindings and faultfinders.

Never utter an uncomplimentary word against anyone.

Compliments delicately
hinted and sincerely intended are a grace in conversation.

Commendation of gifts and
cleverness properly put are in good taste, but praise of beauty is offensive.

Repeating kind expressions is proper.

Compliments given in a joke may be gratefully received in earnest.

The manner and
tone are important parts of a compliment.

Avoid egotism.

Don’t talk of
yourself, or of your friends or your deeds.

Give no sign that you appreciate your own
merits.

Do not become a distributer of the small talk of a community. The smiles of your auditors do
not mean respect.

Avoid giving the impression of one filled with “suppressed egotism.”

Never mention
your own peculiarities; for culture destroys vanity.

Avoid exaggeration.

Do not be too positive.

Do not talk of display oratory.

Do not try to lead in conversation looking around to enforce silence.

Lay aside
affected, silly etiquette for the natural dictates of the heart.

Direct the conversation
where others can join with you and impart to you useful information.

Avoid oddity. Eccentricity is shallow vanity.

Be modest.

Be what you wish to seem.

Avoid repeating a brilliant or clever saying.

If you find bashfulness or embarrassment coming upon you, do or say something at once. The
commonest matter gently stated is better than an embarrassing silence. Sometimes changing your
position, or looking into a book for a moment may relieve your embarrassment, and dispel any
settling stiffness.

Avoid telling many stories, or repeating a story more than once in the same company.

Never treat any one as if you simply wanted him to tell stories. People laugh and despise such
a one.

Never tell a coarse story. No wit or preface can make it excusable.

Tell a story, if at
all, only as an illustration, and not for itself. Tell it accurately.

Be careful in asking
questions for the purpose of starting conversation or drawing out a person, not to be rude or
intrusive.

Never take liberties by staring, or by any rudeness.

Never infringe upon any
established regulations among
strangers.

Do not always prove yourself to be the one in the right. The right will appear. You need only
give it a chance.

Avoid argument in conversation. It is discourteous to your host.

Cultivate
paradoxes in conversation with your peers. They add interest to common-place matters. To strike
the harmless faith of ordinary people in any public idol is waste, but such a movement with those
able to reply is better.

Never discourse upon your ailments.

Never use words of the meaning or pronunciation of which you are uncertain.

Avoid
discussing your own or other people’s domestic concerns.

Never prompt a slow speaker,
as if you had all the ability. In conversing with a foreigner who may be learning our language, it is
excusable to help him in some delicate way.

Never give advice unasked.

Do not manifest impatience.

Do not interrupt another when speaking.

Do not find fault, though you may gently criticise.

Do not appear to notice
inaccuracies of speech in others.

Do not always commence a conversation by allusion to
the weather.

Do not, when narrating an incident, continually say, “you see,” “you know.”

Do not allow yourself to lose temper or speak excitedly.

Do not introduce
professional or other topics that the company generally cannot take an interest in.

Do
not talk very loud. A firm, clear, distinct, yet mild, gentle, and musical voice has great power.

Do not be absent-minded, requiring the speaker to repeat what has been said that you may
understand.

Do not try to force yourself into the confidence of others.

Do not use profanity,
vulgar terms, words of double meaning, or language that will bring the blush to anyone.

Do not allow yourself to speak ill of the absent one if it can be avoided. The day may come
when some friend will be needed to defend you in your absence.

Do not speak with
contempt and ridicule of a locality which you may be visiting. Find something to truthfully praise
and commend; thus make yourself agreeable.

Do not make a pretense of gentility, nor
parade the fact that you are a descendant of any notable family. You must pass for just what you
are, and must stand on your own merit.

Do not contradict. In making a correction say,
“I beg your pardon, but I had the impression that it was so and so.” Be careful in contradicting, as
you may be wrong yourself.

Do not be unduly familiar; you will merit contempt if you
are. Neither should you be dogmatic in your assertions, arrogating to yourself such consequences
in your opinions.

Do not be too lavish in your praise of various members of your own
family when speaking to strangers; the person to whom you are speaking may know some faults
that you do not.

Do not feel it incumbent upon yourself to carry your point in
conversation. Should the person with whom you are conversing feel the same, your talk may lead
into violent argument.

Do not try to pry into the private affairs of others by asking what
their profits are, what things cost, whether Melissa ever had a beau, and why Amarette never got
married? All such questions are extremely impertinent and are likely to meet with rebuke.

Do not whisper in company; do not engage in private conversation; do not speak a foreign
language which the general company present may not understand, unless it is understood that the
foreigner is unable to speak your own language.

IMPORTANT RULES.

1. Good Appearance.—The first care of all persons should be for their
personal appearance. Those who are slovenly or careless in their habits are unfit for refined
society, and cannot possibly make a good appearance in it. A well-bred person will always
cultivate habits of the most scrupulous neatness. A gentleman or lady is always well dressed. The
garment may be plain or of coarse material, or even worn “thin and shiny,” but if it is carefully
brushed and neat, it can be worn with dignity.

2. Personal Cleanliness.—Personal appearance depends greatly on the careful
toilet and scrupulous attention to dress. The first point which marks the gentleman or lady in
appearance is rigid cleanliness. This remark supplies to the body and everything which covers it. A
clean skin—only to be secured by frequent baths—is indispensable.

3.
The Teeth.—The teeth should receive the utmost attention. Many a young man
has been disgusted with a lady by seeing her unclean and discolored teeth. It takes but a few
moments, and if necessary secure some simple tooth powder or rub the teeth thoroughly every
day with a linen handkerchief, and it will give the teeth and mouth a beautiful and clean
appearance.

4. The Hair and Beard.—The hair should be thoroughly brushed and well kept,
and the beard of men properly trimmed. Men should not let their hair grow long and shaggy.

5. Underclothing.—The matter of cleanliness extends to all articles of clothing,
underwear as well as the outer clothing. Cleanliness is a mark of true utility. The clothes need not
necessarily be of a rich and expensive quality, but they can all be kept clean. Some persons have
an odor about them that is very offensive, simply on account of their underclothing being worn
too long without washing. This odor of course cannot be detected by the person who wears the
soiled garments, but other persons easily detect it and are offended by it.

6. The
Bath.—No person should think for a moment that they can be popular in society
without regular bathing. A bath should be taken at least once a week, and if the feet perspire they
should be washed several times a week, as the case may require. It is not unfrequent that young
men are seen with dirty ears and neck. This is unpardonable and boorish, and shows gross neglect.
Occasionally a young lady will be called upon unexpectedly when her neck and smiling face are
not emblems of cleanliness. Every lady owes it to herself to be fascinating; every gentleman is
bound, for his own sake, to be presentable; but beyond this there is the obligation to society, to
one’s friends, and to those with whom we may be brought in contact.

7. Soiled
Garments.—A young man’s garments may not be expensive, yet there is no excuse for
wearing a soiled collar and a soiled shirt, or carrying a soiled handkerchief. No one should appear
as though he had slept in a stable, shaggy hair, soiled clothing or garments indifferently put on and
carelessly buttoned. A young man’s vest should always be kept buttoned in the presence of
ladies.

8. The Breath.—Care should be taken to remedy an offensive breath without
delay. Nothing renders one so unpleasant to one’s acquaintance, or is such a source of misery to
one’s self. The evil may be from some derangement of the stomach or some defective condition of
the teeth, or catarrhal affection of the throat and nose. See remedies in other portions of the
book.

A YOUNG MAN’S PERSONAL APPEARANCE.

1. A well-dressed man does not require so much an extensive as a varied wardrobe. He does
not need a different suit for every season and every occasion, but if he is careful to select clothes
that are simple and not striking or conspicuous, he may use the garment over and over again
without their being noticed, provided they are suitable to the season and the occasion.

2.
A clean shirt, collar and cuffs always make a young man look neat and tidy, even if his clothes are
not of the latest pattern and are somewhat threadbare.

3. Propriety is outraged when a
man of sixty dresses like a youth or sixteen. It is bad manners for a gentleman to use perfumes to
a noticeable extent. Avoid affecting singularity in dress. Expensive clothes are no sign of a
gentleman.

4. When dressed for company, strive to appear easy and natural. Nothing is more distressing
to a sensitive person, or more ridiculous to one gifted with refinement, than to see a lady laboring
under the consciousness of a fine gown or a gentleman who is stiff, awkward and ungainly in a
brand-new coat.

5. Avoid what is called the “ruffianly style of dress” or the slouchy appearance of a
half-unbottoned vest, and suspenderless pantaloons. That sort of affectation is, if possible, even
more disgusting than the painfully elaborate frippery of the dandy or dude. Keep your clothes well
brushed and keep them cleaned. Slight spots can be removed with a little sponge and soap and
water.

6. A gentleman should never wear a high hat unless he has on a frock coat or a dress suit.

7. A man’s jewelry should be good and simple. Brass or false jewelry, like other forms of
falsehood, is vulgar. Wearing many cheap decorations is a serious fault.

8. If a man wears a ring it should be on the third finger of the left hand. This is the only piece
of jewelry a man is allowed to wear that does not serve a purpose.

9. Wearing imitations
of diamonds is always in very bad taste.

10. Every man looks better in a full beard if he
keeps it well trimmed. If a man shaves he should shave at least every other day, unless he is in the
country.

11. The finger-nails should be kept cut, and the teeth should be cleaned every morning, and
kept clear from tarter. A man who does not keep his teeth clean does not look like a gentleman
when he shows them.

DRESS.

1. God is a Lover of Dress.—We cannot but feel that God is a lover of dress.
He has put on robes of beauty and glory upon all his works. Every flower is dressed in richness;
every field blushes beneath a mantle of beauty; every star is veiled in brightness; every bird is
clothed in the habiliments of the most exquisite taste. The cattle upon the thousand hills are
dressed by the hand divine. Who, studying God in his works, can doubt, that he will smile upon
the evidence of correct taste manifested by his children in clothing the forms he has made
them?

2. Love of Dress.—To love dress is not to be a slave of fashion; to love dress
only is the test of such homage. To transact the business of charity in a silken dress, and to go in a
carriage to the work, injures neither the work nor the worker. The slave of fashion is one who
assumes the livery of a princess, and then omits the errand of the good human soul; dresses in
elegance, and goes upon no good errand, and thinks and does nothing of value to mankind.

3. Beauty in Dress.—Beauty in dress is a good thing, rail at it who may. But it
is a lower beauty, for which a higher beauty should not be sacrificed. They love dresses too much
who give it their first thought, their best time, or all their money; who for it neglect the culture of
their mind or heart, or the claims of others on their service; who care more for their dress than
their disposition; who are troubled more by an unfashionable bonnet than a neglected duty.

4. Simplicity of Dress.—Female lovliness never appears to so good advantage
as when set off by simplicity of dress. No artist ever decks his angels with towering feathers and
gaudy jewelry; and our dear human angels—if they would make good their title to that
name—should carefully avoid ornaments, which properly belong to Indian squaws and
African princesses. These tinselries may serve to give effect on the stage, or upon the ball room
floor, but in daily life there is no substitute for the charm of simplicity. A vulgar taste is not to be
disguised by gold or diamonds. The absence of a true taste and refinement of delicacy cannot be
compensated for by the possession of the most princely fortune. Mind measures gold, but gold
cannot measure mind. Through dress the mind may be read, as through the delicate tissue the
lettered page. A modest woman will dress modestly; a really refined and intelligent woman will
bear the marks of careful selection and faultless taste.

5. People of
Sense.—A coat that has the mark of use upon it, is a recommendation to the people of
sense, and a hat with too much nap, and too high lustre, a derogatory circumstance. The best
coats in our streets are worn on the backs of penniless fops, broken down merchants, clerks with
pitiful salaries, and men that do not pay up. The heaviest gold chains dangle from the fobs of
gamblers and gentlemen of very limited means; costly ornaments on ladies, indicate to the eyes
that are well opened, the fact of a silly lover or husband cramped for funds.

6. Plain and Neat.—When a pretty woman goes by in plain and neat apparel, it
is the presumption that she has fair expectations, and a husband that can show a balance in his
favor. For women are like books,—too much gilding makes men suspicious, that the
binding is the most important part. The body is the shell of the soul, and the dress is the husk of
the body; but the husk generally tells what the kernel is. As a fashionably dressed young lady
passed some gentlemen, one of them raised his hat, whereupon another, struck by the fine
appearance of the lady, made some inquiries concerning her, and was answered thus: “She makes
a pretty ornament in her father’s house, but otherwise is of no use.”

7. The Richest
Dress.—The richest dress is always worn on the soul. The adornments that will not
perish, and that all men most admire, shine from the heart through this life. God has made it our
highest, holiest duty, to dress the souls he has given us. It is wicked to waste it in frivolity. It is a
beautiful, undying, precious thing. If every young woman would think of her soul when she looks
in the glass, would hear the cry of her naked mind when she dallies away her precious hours at her
toilet, would listen to the sad moaning of her hollow heart, as it wails through her idle, useless
life, something would be done for the elevation of womanhood.

8. Dressing
Up.—Compare a well-dressed body with a well-dressed mind. Compare a taste for
dress with a taste for knowledge, culture, virtue, and piety. Dress up an ignorant young woman in
the “height of fashion”; put on plumes and flowers, diamonds and gewgaws; paint her face, girt up
her waist, and I ask you, if this side of a painted and feathered savage you can find anything more
unpleasant to behold. And yet such young women we meet by the hundred every day on the street
and in all our public places. It is awful to think of.

9. Dress Affects our
Manners.—A man who is badly dressed, feels chilly, sweaty, and prickly. He
stammers, and does not always tell the truth. He means to, perhaps, but he can’t. He is half
distracted about his pantaloons, which are much to short, and are constantly hitching up; or his
frayed jacket and crumpled linen harrow his soul, and quite unman him. He treads on the train of a
lady’s dress, and says, “Thank you”, sits down on his hat, and wishes the “desert were his dwelling
place.”

BEAUTY

1. The Highest Style of Beauty.—The highest style of beauty to be found in
nature pertains to the human form, as animated and lighted up by the intelligence within. It is the
expression of the soul that constitutes this superior beauty. It is that which looks out of the eye,
which sits in calm majesty on the brow, lurks on the lip, smiles on the cheek, is set forth in the
chiselled lines and features of the countenance, in the general contour of figure and form, in the
movement, and gesture, and tone; it is this looking out of the invisible spirit that dwells within,
this manifestation of the higher nature, that we admire and love; this constitutes to us the beauty
of our species.

2. Beauty Which Perishes Not.—There is a beauty which perishes not. It is
such as the angels wear. It forms the washed white robes of the saints. It wreathes the
countenance of every doer of good. It adorns every honest face. It shines in the virtuous life. It
molds the hands of charity. It sweetens the voice of sympathy. It sparkles on the brow of wisdom.
It flashes in the eye of love. It breathes in the spirit of piety. It is the beauty of the heaven of
heavens. It is that which may grow by the hand of culture in every human soul. It is the flower of
the spirit which blossoms on the tree of life. Every soul may plant and nurture it in its own garden,
in its own Eden.

3. We May All Be Beautiful.—This is the capacity of beauty that God has
given to the human soul, and this the beauty placed within the reach of all. We may all be
beautiful. Though our forms may be uncomely and our features not the prettiest, our spirits may
be beautiful. And this inward beauty always shines through. A beautiful heart will flash out in the
eye. A lovely soul will glow in the face. A sweet spirit will tune the voice, wreathe the
countenance in charms. Oh, there is a power in interior beauty that melts the hardest heart!

4. Woman the Most Perfect Type of Beauty.—Woman, by common consent,
we regard as the most perfect type of beauty on earth. To her we ascribe the highest charms
belonging to this wonderful element so profusely mingled in all God’s works. Her form is molded
and finished in exquisite delicacy of perfection. The earth gives us no form more perfect, no
features more symmetrical, no style more chaste, no movements more graceful, no finish more
complete; so that our artists ever have and ever will regard the woman-form of humanity as the
most perfect earthly type of beauty. This form is most perfect and symmetrical in the youth of
womanhood; so that the youthful woman is earth’s queen of beauty. This is true, not only by the
common consent of mankind, but also by the strictest rules of scientific criticism.

5.
Fadeless Beauty.—There cannot be a picture without its bright spots; and the
steady contemplation of what is bright in others, has a reflex influence upon the beholder. It
reproduces what it reflects. Nay, it seems to leave an impress even upon the countenance. The
feature, from having a dark, sinister aspect, becomes open, serene, and sunny. A countenance so
impressed, has neither the vacant stare of the idiot, nor the crafty, penetrating look of the basilisk,
but the clear, placid aspect of truth and goodness. The woman who has such a face is beautiful.
She has a beauty which changes not with the features, which fades not with years. It is beauty of
expression. It is the only kind of beauty which can be relied upon for a permanent influence with
the other sex. The violet will soon cease to smile. Flowers must fade. The love that has nothing
but beauty to sustain it, soon withers away.

6. A Pretty Woman Pleases the Eye, a good woman, the heart. The one is a jewel,
the other a treasure. Invincible fidelity, good humor, and complacency of temper, outlive all the
charms of a fine face, and make the decay of it invisible. That is true beauty which has not only a
substance, but a spirit; a beauty that we must intimately know to justly appreciate.

7.
The Woman You Love Best.—Beauty, dear reader, is probably the woman you
love best, but we trust it is the beauty of soul and character, which sits in calm majesty on the
brow, lurks on the lip, and will outlive what is called a fine face.

8. The Wearing of
Ornaments.—Beauty needs not the foreign aid of ornament, but is when unadorned
adorned the most, is a trite observation; but with a little qualification it is worthy of general
acceptance. Aside from the dress itself, ornaments should be very sparingly used—at any
rate, the danger lies in over-loading oneself, and not in using too few. A young girl, and especially
one of a light and airy style of beauty, should never wear gems. A simple flower in her hair or on
her bosom is all that good taste will permit. When jewels or other ornaments are worn, they
should be placed where you desire the eye of the spectator to rest, leaving the parts to which you
do not want attention called as plain and negative as possible. There is no surer sign of vulgarity
than a profusion of heavy jewelry carried about upon the person.

Sensible Helps to Beauty.

1. FOR SCRAWNY NECK.—Take off your tight collars, feather boas and such
heating things. Wash neck and chest with hot water, then rub in sweet oil all that you can work in.
Apply this every night before you retire and leave the skin damp with it while you sleep.

2. FOR RED HANDS.—Keep your feet warm by soaking them often in hot water, and
keep your hands out of the water as much as possible. Rub your hands with the skin of a lemon
and it will whiten them. If your skin will bear glycerine after you have washed, pour into the palm
a little glycerine and lemon juice mixed, and rub over the hands and wipe off.

3. NECK
AND FACE.—Do not bathe the neck and face just before or after being out of doors. It
tends to wrinkle the skin.

4. SCOWLS.—Never allow yourself to scowl, even if the sun be in your eyes. That
scowl will soon leave its trace and no beauty will outlive it.

5. WRINKLED FOREHEAD.—If you wrinkle your forehead when you talk or read,
visit an oculist and have your eyes tested, and then wear glasses to fit them.

6. OLD
LOOKS.—Sometimes your face looks old because it is tired. Then apply the following
wash and it will make you look younger: Put three drops of ammonia, a little borax, a
tablespoonful of bay rum, and a few drops of camphor into warm water and apply to your face.
Avoid getting it into your eyes.

7. THE BEST COSMETIC.—Squeeze the juice of a lemon into a pint of sweet milk.
Wash the face with it every night and in the morning wash off with warm rain water. This will
produce a very beautiful effect upon the skin.

8. SPOTS ON THE FACE.—Moles and many other discolorations may be removed
from the face by a preparation composed of one part chemically pure carbolic acid and two parts
pure glycerine. Touch the spots with a camel’s-hair pencil, being careful that the preparation does
not come in contact with the adjacent skin. Five minutes after touching, bathe with soft water and
apply a little vaseline. It may be necessary to repeat the operation, but if persisted in, the
blemishes will be entirely removed.

9. WRINKLES.—This prescription is said to cure wrinkles: Take one ounce of white
wax and melt it to a gentle heat. Add two ounces of the juice of lily bulbs, two ounces of honey,
two drams of rose water, and a drop or two of ottar of roses. Apply twice a day, rubbing the
wrinkles the wrong way. Always use tepid water for washing the face.

10. THE
HAIR.—The hair must be kept free from dust or it will fall out. One of the best things for
cleaning it, is a raw egg rubbed into the roots and then washed out in several waters. The egg
furnishes material for the hair to grow on, while keeping the scalp perfectly clean. Apply once a
month.

11. LOSS OF HAIR.—When through sickness or headache the hair falls out, the
following tonic may be applied with good effect: Use one ounce of glycerine, one ounce of bay
rum, one pint of strong sage tea, and apply every other night rubbing well into the scalp.

How to Keep the Bloom and Grace of Youth.

THE SECRET OF ITS PRESERVATION.

1. The question most often asked by women is regarding the art of retaining, with advancing
years, the bloom and grace of youth. This secret is not learned through the analysis of chemical
compounds, but by a thorough study of nature’s laws peculiar to their sex. It is useless for women
with wrinkled faces, dimmed eyes and blemished skins to seek for external applications of
beautifying balms and lotions to bring the glow of life and health into the face, and yet there are
truths, simple yet wonderful, whereby the bloom of early life can be restored and retained, as
should be the heritage of all God’s children, sending the light of beauty into every woman’s face.
The secret:

2. Do not bathe in hard water; soften it with a few drops of ammonia, or a little borax.

3. Do not bathe the face while it is very warm, and never use very cold water.

4. Do
not attempt to remove dust with cold water; give your face a hot bath, using plenty of good soap,
then give it a thorough rinsing with warm water.

5. Do not rub your face with a coarse
towel.

6. Do not believe you can remove wrinkles by filling in the crevices with powder. Give your
face a Russian bath every night; that is, bathe it with water so hot that you wonder how you can
bear it, and then, a minute after, with moderately cold water, that will make your face glow with
warmth; dry it with a soft towel.

Form and Deformity.

1. Physical Deformities.—Masquerading is a modern accomplishment. Girls
wear tight shoes, burdensome skirts, corsets, etc., all of which prove so fatal to their health. At
the age of seventeen or eighteen, our “young ladies” are sorry specimens of feminality; and
palpitators, cosmetics and all the modern paraphernalia are required to make them appear fresh
and blooming. Man is equally at fault. A devotee to all the absurd devices of fashion, he
practically asserts that “dress makes the man.” But physical deformities are of far less importance
than moral imperfections.

2. Development of the Individual.—It is not possible for human beings to
attain their full stature of humanity, except by loving long and perfectly. Behold that venerable
man! he is mature in judgment, perfect in every action and expression, and saintly in goodness.
You almost worship as you behold. What rendered him thus perfect? What rounded off his
natural asperities, and moulded up his virtues? Love mainly. It permeated every pore, and
seasoned every fibre of his being, as could nothing else. Mark that matronly woman. In the bosom
of her family she is more than a queen and goddess combined. All her looks and actions express
the outflowing of some or all of the human virtues. To know her is to love her. She became thus
perfect, not in a day or year, but by a long series of appropriate means. Then by what? Chiefly in
and by love, which is specially adapted thus to develop this maturity.

3. Physical Stature.—Men and women generally increase in stature until the
twenty-fifth year, and it is safe to assume, that perfection of function is not established until
maturity of bodily development is completed. The physical contour of these representations
plainly exhibits the difference in structure, and also implies difference of function. Solidity and
strength are represented by the organization of the male, grace and beauty by that of the female.
His broad shoulders represent physical power and the right of dominion, while her bosom is the
symbol of love and nutrition.

HOW TO DETERMINE A PERFECT HUMAN FIGURE.

The proportions of the perfect human figure are strictly mathematical. The whole figure is six
times the length of the foot. Whether the form be slender or plump, this rule holds good. Any
deviation from it is a departure from the highest beauty of proportion. The Greeks made all their
statues according to this rule. The face, from the highest point of the forehead, where the hair
begins, to the end of the chin, is one-tenth of the whole stature. The hand, from the wrist to the
end of the middle finger, is the same. The chest is a fourth, and from the nipples to the top of the
head is the same. From the top of the chest to the highest point of the forehead is a seventh. If the
length of the face, from the roots of the hair to the chin, be divided into three equal parts, the first
division determines the point where the eyebrows meet, and the second the place of the nostrils.
The navel is the central point of the human body, and if a man should lie on his back with his arms
and legs extended, the periphery of the circle which might be described around him, with the navel
for its center, would touch the extremities of his hands and feet. The height from the feet to the
top of the head is the same as the distance from the extremity of one hand to the extremity of the
other when the arms are extended.

Lady’s Dress in the days of Greece

The Venus de Medici is
considered the most perfect model of the female forms, and has been the admiration of the world
for ages. Alexander Walker, after minutely describing this celebrated statue, says: “All these
admirable characteristics of the female form, the mere existence of which in woman must, one is
tempted to imagine, be even to herself, a source of ineffable pleasure, these constitute a being
worthy, as the personification of beauty, of occupying the temples of Greece; present an object
finer, alas, than Nature even seems capable of producing; and offer to all nations and ages a theme
of admiration and delight.” Well might Thomson say:

So stands the statue that
enchants the world,
So, bending, tries to vail the matchless boast—
The mingled
beauties of exulting Greece.

We beg our readers to observe the form of the waist (evidently innocent of corsets and tight
dresses) of this model woman, and also that of the Greek Slave in the accompanying outlines.
These forms are such as unperverted nature and the highest art alike require. To compress the
waist, and thereby change its form, pushing the ribs inward, displacing the vital organs, and
preventing the due expansion of the lungs, is as destructive to beauty as it is to health.

THE HISTORY, MYSTERY, BENEFITS AND INJURIES OF THE
CORSET.

The Corset in the 18th
Century

1. The origin of the corset is lost in remote antiquity. The figures of the early Egyptian
women show clearly an artificial shape of the waist produced by some style of corset. A similar
style of dress must also have prevailed among the ancient Jewish maidens; for Isaiah, in calling
upon the women to put away their personal adornments, says: “Instead of a girdle there shall be a
rent, and instead of a stomacher (corset) a girdle of sackcloth.”

2. Homer also tells us of
the cestus or girdle of Venus, which was borrowed by the haughty Juno with a view to increasing
her personal attractions, that Jupiter might be a more tractable and orderly husband.

3.
Coming down to the later times, we find the corset was used in France and England as early as the
12th century.

4. The most extensive and extreme use of the corset occurred in the 16th century, during the
reign of Catherine de Medici of France and Queen Elizabeth of England. With Catherine de
Medici a thirteen-inch waist measurement was considered the standard of fashion, while a thick
waist was an abomination. No lady could consider her figure of proper shape unless she could
span her waist with her two hands. To produce this result a strong rigid corset was worn night
and day until the waist was laced down to the required size. Then over this corset was placed the
steel apparatus shown in the illustration on next page. This corset-cover reached from the hip to
the throat, and produced a rigid figure over which the dress would fit with perfect
smoothness.

Steel Corset worn
in Catherine’s time.

5. During the 18th century corsets were largely made from a species of leather known as
“Bend,” which was not unlike that used for shoe soles, and measured nearly a quarter of an inch in
thickness. One of the most popular corsets of the time was the corset and stomacher shown in the
accompanying illustration.

6. About the time of the French Revolution a reaction set in against tight lacing, and for a
time there was a return to the early classical Greek costume. This style of dress prevailed, with
various modifications, until about 1810 when corsets and tight lacing again returned with
threefold fury. Buchan, a prominent writer of this period, says that it was by no means uncommon
to see “a mother lay her daughter down upon the carpet, and, placing her foot upon her back,
break half a dozen laces in tightening her stays.”

7. It is reserved to our own time to demonstrate that corsets and tight lacing do not
necessarily go hand in hand. Distortion and feebleness are not beauty. A proper proportion should
exist between the size of the waist and the breadth of the shoulders and hips, and if the waist is
diminished below this proportion, it suggests disproportion and invalidism rather than grace and
beauty.

Forms of Corsets in the
time of Elizabeth of England

8. The perfect corset is one which possesses just that degree of rigidity which will prevent it
from wrinkling, but will at the same time allow freedom in the bending and twisting of the body.
Corsets boned with whalebone, horn or steel are necessarily stiff, rigid and uncomfortable. After a
few days’ wear the bones or steels become bent and set in position, or, as more frequently
happens, they break and cause injury or discomfort to the wearer.

9. About seven years ago an article was discovered for the stiffening of corsets, which has
revolutionized the corset industry of the world. This article is manufactured from the natural
fibers of the Mexican Ixtle plant, and is known as Coraline. It consists of straight, stiff fibers like
bristles bound together into a cord by being wound with two strands of thread passing in opposite
directions. This produces an elastic fiber intermediate in stiffness between twine and whalebone. It
cannot break, but it possesses all the stiffness and flexibility necessary to hold the corset in shape
and prevent its wrinkling.

We congratulate the ladies of to-day upon the advantages they enjoy over their sisters of two
centuries ago, in the forms and the graceful and easy curves of the corsets now made as compared
with those of former times.

EGYPTIAN CORSET.

TIGHT-LACING.

It destroys natural beauty and creates an unpleasant and irritable temper. A tight-laced chest
and a good disposition cannot go together. The human form has been molded by nature, the best
shape is undoubtedly that which she has given it. To endeavor to render it more elegant by
artificial means is to change it; to make it much smaller below and much larger above is to destroy
its beauty; to keep it cased up in a kind of domestic cuirass is not only to deform it, but to expose
the internal parts to serious injury. Under such compression as is commonly practiced by ladies,
the development

of the bones, which are still tender, does not take place conformably to the intention of nature,
because nutrition is necessarily stopped, and they consequently become twisted and
deformed.

THE NATURAL WAIST on left and THE EFFECTS OF LACING on
right.

Those who wear these appliances of tight-lacing often complain that they cannot sit upright
without them—are sometimes, indeed, compelled to wear them during all the twenty-four
hours; a fact which proves to what extent such articles weaken the muscles of the trunk. The
injury does not fall merely on the internal structure of the body, but also on its beauty, and on the
temper and feelings with which that beauty is associated. Beauty is in reality but another name for
expression of countenance, which is the index of sound health, intelligence, good feelings and
peace of mind. All are aware that uneasy feelings, existing habitually in the breast, speedily exhibit
their signature on the countenance, and that bitter thoughts or a bad temper spoil the human
expression of its comeliness and grace.

The Care of the Hair.

1. The Color of the Hair.—The color of the hair corresponds with that of the
skin—being dark or black, with a dark complexion, and red or yellow with a fair skin.
When a white skin is seen in conjunction with black hair, as among the women of Syria and
Barbary, the apparent exception arises from protection from the sun’s rays, and opposite colors
are often found among people of one prevailing feature. Thus red-haired Jews are not uncommon,
though the nation in general have dark complexion and hair.

2. The Imperishable
Nature of Hair.—The imperishable nature of hair arises from the combination of salt
and metals in its composition. In old tombs and on mummies it has been found in a perfect state,
after a lapse of over two thousand years. There are many curious accounts proving the
indestructibility of the human hair.

3. Tubular.—In the human family the
hairs are tubular, the tubes being intersected by partitions, resembling in some degree the cellular
tissue of plants. Their hollowness prevents incumbrance from weight, while their power of
resistance is increased by having their traverse sections rounded in form.

4. Cautions.—It is ascertained that a full head of hair, beard and whiskers, are
a prevention against colds and consumptions. Occasionally, however, it is found necessary to
remove the hair from the head, in cases of fever or disease, to stay the inflammatory symptoms,
and to relieve the brain. The head should invariably be kept cool. Close night-caps are unhealthy,
and smoking-caps and coverings for the head within doors are alike detrimental to the free growth
of the hair, weakening it, and causing it to fall out.

HOW TO BEAUTIFY AND
PRESERVE THE HAIR.

1. To Beautify the Hair.—Keep the head clean, the pores of the skin open, and
the whole circulatory system in a healthy condition, and you will have no need of bear’s grease
(alias hog’s lard). Where there is a tendency in the hair to fall off on account of the weakness or
sluggishness of the circulation, or an unhealthy state of the skin, cold water and friction with a
tolerably stiff brush are probably the best remedial agents.

2. Barber’s
Shampoos.—Are very beneficial if properly prepared. They should not be made too
strong. Avoid strong shampoos of any kind. Great caution should be exercised in this matter.

3. Care of the Hair.—To keep the hair healthy, keep the head clean. Brush the
scalp well with a stiff brush, while dry. Then wash with castile soap, and rub into the roots bay
rum, brandy or camphor water. This done twice a month will prove beneficial. Brush the scalp
thoroughly twice a week. Dampen the hair with soft water at the toilet, and do not use oil.

4. Hair Wash.—Take one ounce of borax, half an ounce of camphor
powder—these ingredients fine—and dissolve them in one quart of boiling water.
When cool, the solution will be ready for use. Dampen the hair frequently. This wash is said not
only to cleanse and beautify, but to strengthen the hair, preserve the color and prevent
baldness.

Another Excellent Wash.—The best wash we know for cleansing and
softening the hair is an egg beaten up and rubbed well into the hair, and afterwards washed out
with several washes of warm water.

5. The Only Sensible and Safe Hair Oil.—The following is considered a most
valuable preparation: Take of extract of yellow Peruvian bark, fifteen grains; extract of rhatany
root, eight grains; extract of burdoch root and oil of nutmegs (fixed), of each two drachms;
camphor (dissolve with spirits of wine), fifteen grains; beef marrow, two ounces; best olive oil,
one ounce; citron juice, half a drachm; aromatic essential oil, as much as sufficient to render it
fragrant; mix and make into an ointment. Two drachms of bergamot, and a few drops of attar of
roses would suffice.

6. Hair Wash.—A good hair wash is soap and water, and the oftener it is
applied the freer the surface of the head will be from scurf. The hair-brush should also be kept in
requisition morning and evening.

7. To Remove Superfluous Hair.—With those who dislike the use of arsenic,
the following is used for removing superfluous hair from the skin: Lime, one ounce; carbonate of
potash, two ounces; charcoal powder, one drachm. For use, make it into a paste with a little warm
water, and apply it to the part, previously shaved close. As soon as it has become thoroughly dry,
it may be washed off with a little warm water.

8. Coloring for Eyelashes and Eyebrows.—In eyelashes the chief element of
beauty consists in their being long and glossy; the eyebrows should be finely arched and clearly
divided from each other. The most innocent darkener of the brow is the expressed juice of the
elderberry, or a burnt clove.

9.
Crimping Hair.—To make the hair stay in crimps, take five cents worth of gum
arabic and add to it just enough boiling water to dissolve it. When dissolved, add enough alcohol
to make it rather thin. Let this stand all night and then bottle it to prevent the alcohol from
evaporating. This put on the hair at night, after it is done up in papers or pins, will make it stay in
crimp the hottest day, and is perfectly harmless.

10. To Curl the Hair.—There is no preparation that will make naturally
straight hair assume a permanent curl. The following will keep the hair in curl for a short time:
Take borax, two ounces; gum arabic, one drachm; and hot water, not boiling, one quart; stir, and,
as soon as the ingredients are dissolved, add three tablespoonfuls of strong spirits of camphor. On
retiring to rest, wet the hair with the above liquid, and roll in twists of paper as usual. Do not
disturb the hair until morning, when untwist and form into ringlets.

11. For Falling or Loosening of the Hair.—Take:

Rub on the scalp every morning.

12. To Darken the Hair without Bad Effects.—Take:

Shake together until they are thoroughly dissolved.

13. Gray
Hair.—There are no known means by which the hair can be prevented from turning
gray, and none which can restore it to its original hue, except through the process of dyeing. The
numerous “hair color restorers” which are advertised are chemical preparations which act in the
manner of a dye or as a paint, and are nearly always dependent for their power on the presence of
lead. This mineral, applied to the skin, for a long time, will lead to the most disastrous
maladies—lead-palsy, lead colic, and other symptoms of poisoning. It should, therefore,
never be used for this purpose.

How to Cure Pimples or Other Facial Eruptions.

1. It requires self-denial to get rid of pimples, for persons troubled with them will persist in
eating fat meats and other articles of food calculated to produce them. Avoid the use of rich
gravies, or pastry, or anything of the kind in excess. Take all the out-door exercise you can and
never indulge in a late supper. Retire at a reasonable hour, and rise early in the morning. Sulphur
to purify the blood may be taken three times a week—a thimbleful in a glass of milk before
breakfast. It takes some time for the sulphur to do its work, therefore persevere in its use till the
humors, or pimples, or blotches, disappear. Avoid getting wet while taking the sulphur.

2. Try This Recipe: Wash the face twice a day in warm water, and rub dry with a
coarse towel. Then with a soft towel rub in a lotion made of two ounces of white brandy, one
ounce of cologne, and one-half ounce of liquor potasse. Persons subject to skin eruptions should
avoid very salty or fat food. A dose of Epsom salts occasionally might prove beneficial.

3. Wash the face in a dilution of carbolic acid, allowing one teaspoonful to a pint of water.
This is an excellent and purifying lotion, and may be used on the most delicate skins. Be careful
about letting this wash get into the eyes.

4. Oil of sweet almonds, one ounce; fluid potash, one drachm. Shake well together, and then
add rose water, one ounce; pure water, six ounces. Mix. Rub the pimples or blotches for some
minutes with a rough towel, and then dab them with the lotion.

5. Dissolve one ounce of
borax, and sponge the face with it every night. When there are insects, rub on flower of sulphur,
dry after washing, rub well and wipe dry; use plenty of castile soap.

6. Dilute corrosive
sublimate with oil of almonds. A few days’ application will remove them.

BLACK-HEADS AND FLESH WORMS.

This is a minute little creature, scientifically called Demodex folliculorum, hardly
visible to the naked eye, with comparatively large fore body, a more slender hind body and eight
little stumpy processes that do duty as legs. No specialized head is visible, although of course
there is a mouth orifice. These creatures live on the sweat glands or pores of the human face, and
owing to the appearance that they give to the infested pores, they are usually known as
“black-heads.” It is not at all uncommon to see an otherwise pretty face disfigured by these ugly
creatures, although the insects themselves are nearly transparent white. The black appearance is
really due the accumulation of dirt which gets under the edges of the skin of the enlarged sweat
glands and cannot be removed in the ordinary way by washing, because the abnormal, hardened
secretion of the gland itself becomes stained. These insects are so lowly organized that it is almost
impossible to satisfactorily deal with them and they sometimes cause the continual festering of the
skin which they inhabit.

Remedy.—Press them out with a hollow key or with the thumb and fingers,
and apply a mixture of sulphur and cream every evening. Wash every morning with the best toilet
soap, or wash the face with hot water with a soft flannel at bedtime.

LOVE.

1. Love Blends Young Hearts.—Love blends young hearts in blissful unity,
and, for the time, so ignores past ties and affections, as to make willing separation of the son from
his father’s house, and the daughter from all the sweet endearments of her childhood’s home, to go
out together and rear for themselves an altar, around which shall cluster all the cares and delights,
the anxieties and sympathies, of the family relationship; this love, if pure, unselfish, and discreet,
constitutes the chief usefulness and happiness of human life.

2. Without
Love.—Without love there would be no organized households, and, consequently,
none of that earnest endeavor for competence and respectability, which is the mainspring to
human effort; none of those sweet, softening, restraining and elevating influences of domestic life,
which can alone fill the earth with the glory of the Lord and make glad the city of Zion. This love
is indeed heaven upon earth; but above would not be heaven without it; where there is not love,
there is fear; but, “love casteth out fear.” And yet we naturally do offend what we most love.

3. Love Is the Sun of Life.—Most beautiful in morning and evening, but
warmest and steadiest at noon. It is the sun of the soul. Life without love is worse than death; a
world without a sun. The love which does not lead to labor will soon die out, and the thankfulness
which does not embody itself in sacrifices is already changing to gratitude. Love is not ripened in
one day, nor in many, nor even in a human lifetime. It is the oneness of soul with soul in
appreciation and perfect trust. To be blessed it must rest in that faith in the Divine which underlies
every other motion. To be true, it must be eternal as God himself.

4. Love Is
Dependent.—Remember that love is dependent upon forms; courtesy of etiquette
guards and protects courtesy of heart. How many hearts have been lost irrevocably, and how
many averted eyes and cold looks have been gained from what seemed, perhaps, but a trifling
negligence of forms.

5. Radical Differences.—Men and women should not be judged by the same
rules. There are many radical differences in their affectional natures. Man is the creature of
interest and ambition. His nature leads him forth into the struggle and bustle of the world. Love is
but the embellishment of his early life, or a song piped in the intervals of the acts. He seeks for
fame, for fortune, for space in the world’s thoughts, and dominion over his fellow-men. But a
woman’s whole life is a history of the affections. The heart is her world; it is there her ambition
strives for empire; it is there her ambition seeks for hidden treasures. She sends forth her
sympathies on adventure; she embarks her whole soul in the traffic of affection; and if
shipwrecked her case is hopeless, for it is bankruptcy of the heart.

6. Woman’s
Love.—Woman’s love is stronger than death; it rises superior to adversity, and towers
in sublime beauty above the niggardly selfishness of the world. Misfortune cannot suppress it;
enmity cannot alienate it; temptation cannot enslave it. It is the guardian angel of the nursery and
the sick bed; it gives an affectionate concord to the partnership of life and interest, circumstances
cannot modify it; it ever remains the same to sweeten existence, to purify the cup of life, on the
rugged pathway to the grave, and melt to moral pliability the brittle nature of man. It is the
ministering spirit of home, hovering in soothing caresses over the cradle, and the death-bed of the
household, and filling up the urn of all its sacred memories.

7. A Lady’s
Complexion.—He who loves a lady’s complexion, form and features, loves not her true
self, but her soul’s old clothes. The love that has nothing but beauty to sustain it, soon withers and
dies. The love that is fed with presents always requires feeding. Love, and love only, is the loan
for love. Love is of the nature of a burning glass, which, kept still in one place, fireth; changed
often, it doth nothing. The purest joy we can experience in one we love, is to see that person a
source of happiness to others. When you are with the person loved, you have no sense of being
bored. This humble and trivial circumstance is the great test—the only sure and abiding test
of love.

8. Two Souls Come Together.—When two souls come together, each seeking
to magnify the other, each in subordinate sense worshiping the other, each help the other; the two
flying together so that each wing-beat of the one helps each wing-beat of the other—when
two souls come together thus, they are lovers. They who unitedly move themselves away from
grossness and from earth, toward the throne of crystaline and the pavement golden, are, indeed,
true lovers.

The Power and Peculiarities of Love.

LOVE IS A TONIC AND A REMEDY FOR DISEASE, MAKES PEOPLE LOOK
YOUNGER, CREATES INDUSTRY, ETC.

1. It is a physiological fact long demonstrated that persons possessing a loving disposition
borrow less of the cares of life, and also live much longer than persons with a strong, narrow and
selfish nature. Persons who love scenery, love domestic animals, show great attachment for all
friends; love their home dearly and find interest and enchantment in almost everything have
qualities of mind and heart which indicate good health and a happy disposition.

2.
Persons who love music and are constantly humming or whistling a tune, are persons that need
not be feared, they are kind-hearted and with few exceptions possess a loving disposition. Very
few good musicians become criminals.

3. Parents that cultivate a love among their children will find that the same feeling will soon be
manifested in their children’s disposition. Sunshine in the hearts of the parents will blossom in the
lives of the children. The parent who continually cherishes a feeling of dislike and rebellion in his
soul, cultivating moral hatred against his fellow-man, will soon find the same things manifested by
his son. As the son resembles his father in looks so he will to a certain extent resemble him in
character. Love in the heart of the parent will beget kindness and affection in the heart of a child.
Continuous scolding and fretting in the home will soon make love a stranger.

4. If you desire to cultivate love, create harmony in all your feelings and faculties. Remember
that all that is pure, holy and virtuous in love flows from the deepest fountain of the human soul.
Poison the fountain and you change virtue to vice, and happiness to misery.

5. Love
strengthens health, and disappointment cultivates disease. A person in love will invariably enjoy
the best of health. Ninety-nine per cent. of our strong constitutioned men, now in physical ruin,
have wrecked themselves on the breakers of an unnatural love. Nothing but right love and a right
marriage will restore them to health.

6. All men feel much better for going a courting,
providing they court purely. Nothing tears the life out of man more than lust, vulgar thoughts and
immoral conduct. The libertine or harlot has changed love, God’s purest gift to man, into lust.
They cannot acquire love in its purity again, the sacred flame has vanished forever. Love is pure,
and cannot be found in the heart of a seducer.

7. A woman is never so bright and full of health as when deeply in love. Many sickly and frail
women are snatched from the clutches of some deadly disease and restored to health by falling in
love.

8. It is a long established fact that married persons are healthier than unmarried persons; thus
it proves that health and happiness belong to the home. Health depends upon mind. Love places
the mind into a delightful state and quickens every human function, makes the blood circulate and
weaves threads of joy into cables of domestic love.

9. An old but true proverb: “A true man loving one woman will speak well of all women. A
true woman loving one man will speak well of all men. A good wife praises all men, but praises
her husband most. A good man praises all women, but praises his wife most.”

10.
Persons deeply in love become peculiarly pleasant, winning and tender. It is said that a musician
can never excel or an artist do his best until he has been deeply in love. A good orator, a great
statesman or great men in general are greater and better for having once been thoroughly in love.
A man who truly loves his wife and home is always a safe man to trust.

11. Love makes
people look younger in years. People in unhappy homes look older and more worn and fatigued.
A woman at thirty, well courted and well married, looks five or ten years younger than a woman
of the same age unhappily married. Old maids and bachelors always look older than they are. A
flirting widow always looks younger than an old maid of like age.

12. Love renders women industrious and frugal, and a loving husband spends lavishly on a
loved wife and children, though miserly towards others.

13. Love cultivates self-respect
and produces beauty. Beauty in walk and beauty in looks; a girl in love is at her best; it brings out
the finest traits of her character, she walks more erect and is more generous and forgiving; her
voice is sweeter and she makes happy all about her. She works better, sings better and is
better.

14. Now in conclusion, a love marriage is the best life insurance policy; it pays dividends
every day, while every other insurance policy merely promises to pay after death. Remember that
statistics demonstrate that married people outlive old maids and old bachelors by a goodly number
of years and enjoy healthier and happier lives.

THE TURKISH WAY OF MAKING LOVE

PREPARING TO ENTERTAIN HER LOVER.

CONFIDENCE

Amativeness or Connubial Love.

1. Multiplying the Race.—Some means for multiplying our race is necessary to
prevent its extinction by death. Propagation and death appertain to man’s earthly existence. If the
Deity had seen fit to bring every member of the human family into being by a direct act of creative
power, without the agency of parents, the present wise and benevolent arrangements of husbands
and wives, parents and children, friends and neighbors, would have been superseded, and all
opportunities for exercising parental and connubial love, in which so much enjoyment is taken, cut
off. But the domestic feelings and relations, as now arranged, must strike every philosophical
observer as inimitably beautiful and perfect—as the offspring of infinite Wisdom and
Goodness combined.

2. Amativeness and its Combinations constitute their origin, counterpart, and main
medium of manifestation. Its primary function is connubial love. From it, mainly, spring those
feelings which exist between the sexes as such and

result in marriage and offspring. Combined with the higher sentiments, it gives rise to all those
reciprocal kind feelings and nameless courtesies which each sex manifests towards the other;
refining and elevating both, promoting gentility and politeness, and greatly increasing social and
general happiness.

3. Renders Men More Polite to Women.—So far from being in the least gross
or indelicate, its proper exercise is pure, chaste, virtuous, and even an ingredient in good manners.
It is this which renders men always more polite towards women than to one another, and more
refined in their society, and which makes women more kind, grateful, genteel and tender towards
men than women. It makes mothers love their sons more than their daughters, and fathers more
attached to their daughters. Man’s endearing recollections of his mother or wife form his most
powerful incentives to virtue, study, and good deeds, as well as restraints upon his vicious
inclinations; and, in proportion as a young man is dutiful and affectionate to his mother, will he be
fond of his wife; for, this faculty is the parent of both.

4. All Should Cultivate the
Faculty of Amativeness or Connubial Love.—Study the personal charms and mental
accomplishments of the other sex by ardent admirers of beautiful forms, and study graceful
movements and elegant manners, and remember, much depends upon the tones and accents of the
voice. Never be gruff if you desire to be winning. Seek and enjoy and reciprocate fond looks and
feelings. Before you can create favorable impressions you must first be honest and sincere and
natural, and your conquest will be sure and certain.

Love and Common-Sense.

1. Do not love her because she goes to the altar with her head full of book learning, her hands
of no earthly use, save for the piano and brush; because she has no conception of the duties and
responsibilities of a wife; because she hates housework, hates its everlasting routine and ever
recurring duties; because she hates children and will adopt every means to evade motherhood;
because she loves her ease, loves to have her will supreme, loves, oh how well, to be free to go
and come, to let the days slip idly by, to be absolved from all responsibility, to live without labor,
without care? Will you love her selfish, shirking, calculating nature after twenty years of close
companionship?

2. Do you love him because he is a man, and therefore, no matter how weak mentally, morally
or physically he may

be, he has vested in him the power to save you from the ignominy of an old maid’s existence?
Because you would rather be Mrs. Nobody, than make the effort to be Miss Somebody? because
you have a great empty place in your head and heart that nothing but a man can fill? because you
feel you cannot live without him? God grant the time may never come when you cannot live with
him.

3. Do you love her because she is a thoroughly womanly woman; for her tender sympathetic
nature; for the jewels of her life, which are absolute purity of mind and heart; for the sweet
sincerity of her disposition; for her loving, charitable thought; for her strength of character?
because she is pitiful to the sinful, tender to the sorrowful, capable, self-reliant, modest,
true-hearted? in brief, because she is the embodiment of all womanly virtues?

4. Do you
love him because he is a manly man; because the living and operating principle of his life is a
tender reverence for all women; because his love is the overflow of the best part of his nature;
because he has never soiled his soul with an unholy act or his lips with an oath; because mentally
he is a man among men; because physically he stands head and shoulders above the masses;
because morally he is far beyond suspicion, in his thought, word or deed? because his earnest
manly consecrated life is a mighty power on God’s side?

5. But there always has been
and always will be unhappy marriages until men learn what husbandhood means; how to care for
that tenderly matured, delicately constituted being, that he takes into his care and keeping. That if
her wonderful adjusted organism is overtaxed and overburdened, her happiness, which is largely
dependent upon her health, is destroyed.

6. Until men give the women they marry the
undivided love of their heart; until constancy is the key-note of a life which speaks eloquently of
clean thoughts and clean hearts.

7. Until men and women recognize that self-control in a
man, and modesty in a woman, will bring a mutual respect that years of wedded life will only
strengthen. Until they recognize that love is the purest and holiest of all things known to
humanity, will marriage continue to bring unhappiness and discontent, instead of that comfort and
restful peace which all loyal souls have a right to expect and enjoy.

8. Be sensible and marry a sensible, honest and industrious companion, and happiness through
life will be your reward.

What Women Love in Men.

1. Women naturally love courage, force and firmness in men. The ideal man in a woman’s eye
must be heroic and brave. Woman naturally despises a coward, and she has little or no respect for
a bashful man.

2. Woman naturally loves her lord and master. Women who desperately object to be
overruled, nevertheless admire men who overrule them, and few women would have any respect
for a man whom they could completely rule and control.

3. Man is naturally the
protector of woman; as the male wild animal of the forest protects the female, so it is natural for
man to protect his wife and children, and therefore woman admires those qualities in a man which
make him a protector.

4. Large Men.—Women naturally love men of strength, size and fine physique,
a tall, large and strong man rather than a short, small and weak man. A woman always pities a
weakly man, but rarely ever has any love for him.

5. Small and Weakly Men.—All men would be of good size in frame and flesh,
were it not for the infirmities visited upon them by the indiscretion of parents and ancestors of
generations before.

6. Youthful Sexual Excitement.—There are many children born healthy and
vigorous who destroy the full vigor of their generative organs in youth by self-abuse, and if they
survive and marry, their children will have small bones, small frames and sickly constitutions. It is
therefore not strange that instinct should lead women to admire men not touched with these
symptoms of physical debility.

7. Generosity.—Woman generally loves a generous man. Religion absorbs a
great amount of money in temples, churches, ministerial salaries, etc., and ambition and appetite
absorb countless millions, yet woman receives more gifts from man than all these combined: she
loves a generous giver. Generosity and Gallantry are the jewels which she most admires. A
woman receiving presents from a man implies that she will pay him back in love, and the woman
who accepts a man’s presents, and does not respect him, commits a wrong which is rarely ever
forgiven.

8. Intelligence.—Above all other qualities in man, woman admires his
intelligence. Intelligence is man’s woman captivating card. This character in woman is illustrated
by an English army officer, as told by O.S. Fowler, betrothed in marriage to a beautiful, loving
heiress, summoned to India, who wrote back to her:

“I have lost an eye, a leg, an arm, and been so badly marred and begrimmed besides, that you
never could love this poor, maimed soldier. Yet, I love you too well to make your life wretched
by requiring you to keep your marriage-vow with me, from which I hereby release you. Find
among English peers one physically more perfect, whom you can love better.”

She
answered, as all genuine women must answer:

“Your noble mind, your splendid talents, your martial prowess which maimed you, are what I
love. As long as you retain sufficient body to contain the casket of your soul, which alone is what
I admire, I love you all the same, and long to make you mine forever.”

9. Soft
Men.—All women despise soft and silly men more than all other defects in their
character. Woman never can love a man whose conversation is flat and insipid. Every man seeking
woman’s appreciation or love should always endeavor to show his intelligence and manifest an
interest in books and daily papers. He should read books and inform himself so that he can talk
intelligently upon the various topics of the day. Even an ignorant woman always loves superior
intelligence.

10. Sexual Vigor.—Women love sexual vigor in men. This is human nature.
Weakly and delicate fathers have weak and puny children, though the mother may be strong and
robust. A weak mother often bears strong children, if the father is physically and sexually
vigorous. Consumption is often inherited from fathers, because they furnish the body, yet more
women die with it because of female obstructions. Hence women love passion in men, because it
endows their offspring with strong functional vigor.

11. Passionate Men—The less passion any woman possesses, the more she
prizes a strong passionate man. This is a natural consequence, for if she married one equally
passionless, their children would be poorly endowed or they would have none; she therefore
admires him who makes up the deficiency. Hence very amorous men prefer quiet, modest and
reserved women.

12. Homely Men are admired by women if they are large, strong and vigorous and
possess a good degree of intelligence. Looks are trifles compared with the other qualities which
man may possess.

13. Young Man, If you desire to win the love and admiration of young ladies, first,
be intelligent; read books and papers; remember what you read, so you can talk about it. Second,
be generous and do not show a stingy and penurious disposition when in the company of ladies.
Third, be sensible, original, and have opinions of your own and do not agree with everything that
someone else says, or agree with everything that a lady may say. Ladies naturally admire genteel
and intelligent discussions and conversations when there is someone to talk with who has an
opinion of his own. Woman despises a man who has no opinion of his own; she hates a trifling
disposition and admires leadership, original ideas, and looks up to man as a leader. Women
despise all men whom they can manage, overrule, cow-down and subdue.

14. Be
Self-Supporting.—The young man who gives evidence of thrift is always in demand.
Be enthusiastic and drive with success all that you undertake. A young man, sober, honest and
industrious, holding a responsible position or having a business of his own, is a prize that some
bright and beautiful young lady would like to draw. Woman admires a certainty.

15. Uniformed Men.—It is a well known fact that women love uniformed men.
The soldier figures as a hero in about every tale of fiction and it is said by good authority that a
man in uniform has three more chances to marry than the man without uniform. The correct
reason is, the soldier’s profession is bravery, and he is dressed and trained for that purpose, and it
is that which makes him admired by ladies rather than the uniform which he wears. His profession
is also that of a protector.

What Men Love in Women.

1. Female Beauty.—Men love beautiful women, for woman’s beauty is the
highest type of all beauty. A handsome woman needs no diamonds, no silks or satins; her brilliant
face outshines diamonds and her form is beautiful in calico.

2. False
Beautifiers.—Man’s love of female beauty surpasses all other love, and whatever
artificial means are used to beautify, to a certain extent are falsehoods which lead to distrust or
dislike. Artificial beauty is always an imitation, and never can come into competition with the
genuine. No art can successfully imitate nature.

3. True Kind of
Beauty.—Facial beauty is only skin deep. A beautiful form, a graceful figure, graceful
movements and a kind heart are the strongest charms in the perfection of female beauty. A
brilliant face always outshines what may be called a pretty face, for intelligence is that queenly
grace which crowns woman’s influence over men. Good looks and good and pure conduct
awaken a man’s love for women. A girl must therefore be charming as well as beautiful, for a
charming girl will never become a charmless wife.

4. A
Good Female Body.—No weakly, poor-bodied woman can draw a man’s love like a
strong, well developed body. A round, plump figure with an overflow of animal life is the woman
most commonly sought, for nature in man craves for the strong qualities in women, as the health
and life of offspring depend upon the physical qualities of wife and mother. A good body and
vigorous health, therefore, become indispensable to female beauty.

5. Broad
Hips.—A woman with a large pelvis gives her a superior and significant appearance,
while a narrow pelvis always indicate weak sexuality. The other portions of the body however
must be in harmony with the size and breadth of the hips.

6. Full
Busts.—In the female beauty of physical development there is nothing that can equal
full breasts. It is an indication of good health and good maternal qualities. As a face looks bad
without a nose, so the female breast, when narrow and flat, produces a bad effect. The female
breasts are the means on which a new-born child depends for its life and growth, hence it is an
essential human instinct for men to admire those physical proportions in women which indicate
perfect motherhood. Cotton and all other false forms simply show the value of natural ones. All
false forms are easily detected, because large natural ones will generally quiver and move at every
step, while the artificial ones will manifest no expression of life. As woman looks so much better
with artificial paddings and puffings than she does without, therefore modern society should waive
all objections to their use. A full breast has been man’s admiration through all climes and ages, and
whether this breast-loving instinct is right or wrong, sensible or sensual, it is a fact well known to
all, that it is a great disappointment to a husband and father to see his child brought up on a bottle.
Men love full breasts, because it promotes maternity. If, however, the breasts are abnormally
large, it indicates maternal deficiency the same as any disproportion or extreme.

7.
Small Feet.—Small feet and small ankles are very attractive, because they are in
harmony with a perfect female form, and men admire perfection. Small feet and ankles indicate
modesty and reserve, while large feet and ankles indicate coarseness, physical power, authority,
predominance. Feet and ankles however must be in harmony with the body, as small feet and
small ankles on a large woman would be out of proportion and consequently not beautiful.

8. Beautiful Arms.—As the arm is always in proportion with the other portions
of the body, consequently a well-shaped arm, small hands and small wrists, with full muscular
development, is a charm and beauty not inferior to the face itself, and those who have well-shaped
arms may be proud of them, because they generally keep company with a fine bust and a fine
figure.

9. Intelligence.—A mother must naturally possess intelligence, in order to rear
her children intelligently, consequently it is natural for man to chiefly admire mental qualities in
women, for utility and practicability depend upon intelligence. Therefore a man generally loves
those charms in women which prepare her for the duties of companionship. If a woman desires to
be loved, she must cultivate her intellectual gifts, be interesting and entertaining in society, and
practical and helpful in the home, for these are some of the qualifications which make up the
highest type of beauty.

10. Piety and Religion in Women.—Men who love home and the
companionship of their wives, love truth, honor and honesty. It is this higher moral development
that naturally leads them to admire women of moral and religious natures. It is therefore not
strange that immoral men love moral and church-loving wives. Man naturally admires the qualities
which tend to the correct government of the home. Men want good and pure children, and it is
natural to select women who insure domestic contentment and happiness. A bad man, of course,
does not deserve a good wife, yet he will do his utmost to get one.

11. False
Appearance.—Men love reserved, coy and discreet women much more than blunt,
shrewd and boisterous. Falsehood, false hair, false curls, false forms, false bosoms, false colors,
false cheeks, and all that is false, men naturally dislike, for in themselves they are a poor
foundation on which to form family ties, consequently duplicity and hypocrisy in women is very
much disliked by men, but a frank, honest, conscientious soul is always lovable and lovely and will
not become an old maid, except as a matter of choice and not of necessity.

History of Marriage.

1. “It is not good for man to be alone,” was the Divine judgment, and so God created for him
an helpmate; therefore sex is as Divine as the soul.

2. Polygamy.—Polygamy has existed in all age is and always has been the
result of moral degradation and wantonness.

3. The Garden of Eden.—The Garden of Eden was no harem. Primeval nature
knew no community of love; there was only the union of two souls, and the twain were made one
flesh. If God had intended man to be a polygamist he would have created for him two or more
wives; but he only created one wife for the first man. He also directed Noah to take into the ark
two of each sort—a male and female—another evidence that God believed in pairs
only.

4. Abraham no doubt was a polygamist, and the general history of patriarchal life
shows that the plurality of wives and concubinage were national customs, and not the institutions
authorized by God.

5. Egyptian History.—Egyptian history, in the first ostensible form we have,
shows that concubinage and polygamy were in common practice.

6.
Solomon.—It is not strange that Solomon, with his thousand wives, exclaimed:
“All is vanity and vexation of spirit.” Polygamy is not the natural state of man.

7.
Concubinage and Polygamy continued till the fifth century, when the degraded condition
of woman became to some extent matters of some concern and recognition. Before this woman
was regarded simply as an instrument of procreation, or a mistress of the household, to gratify the
passions of man.

8. The Chinese marriage system was, and is, practically polygamous, for from their
earliest traditions we learn, although a man could have but one wife, he was permitted to have as
many concubines as he desired.

9. Mohammedanism.—Of the 150,000,000 Mohammedans all are polygamists.
Their religion appeals to the luxury of animal propensities, and the voluptuous character of the
Orientals has penetrated western Europe and Africa.

10. Mormonism.—The Mormon Church, founded by Joseph Smith, practiced
polygamy until the beginning of 1893, when the church formally declared and resigned polygamy
as a part or present doctrine of their religious institution. Yet all Mormons are polygamists at
heart. It is a part of their religion; national law alone restrains them.

11. Free
Lovers.—There is located at Lenox, Madison County, New York, an organization
popularly known as Free Lovers. The members advocate a system of complex marriage, a sort of
promiscuity, with a freedom of love for any and all. Man offers woman support and love; woman
enjoying freedom, self-respect, health, personal and mental competency, gives herself to man in
the boundless sincerity of an unselfish union. In their system, love is made synonymous with
sexuality, and there is no doubt, but what woman is only a plaything to gratify animal caprice.

12. Monogamy (Single Wife), is a law of nature evident from the fact that it fulfills
the three essential conditions of man, viz.: the development of the individual, the welfare of
society and reproduction. In no nation with a system of polygamy do we find a code of political
and moral rights, and the condition of woman is that of a slave. In polygamous countries nothing
is added to the education and civilization. The natural tendency is sensualism, and sensualism
tends to mental starvation.

18. Christian Civilization has lifted woman from slavery to liberty. Wherever
Christian civilization prevails there are legal marriages, pure homes and education. May God bless
the purity of the home.

Marriage.

The parties are wedded. The priest or clergyman has pronounced as one those hearts that
before beat in unison with each other. The assembled guests congratulate the happy pair. The fair
bride has left her dear mother bedewed with tears and sobbing just as if her heart would break,
and as if the happy bridegroom was leading her away captive against her will. They enter the
carriage. It drives off on the wedding tour, and his arms encircles the yielding waist of her now all
his own, while her head reclines on the breast of the man of her choice. If she be young and has
married an old man, she will be sad. If she has married for a home, or position, or wealth, a pang
will shoot across her fair bosom. If she has married without due consideration or on too light an
acquaintance, it will be her sorrow before long. But, if loving and beloved, she has united her
destiny with a worthy man, she will rejoice, and on her journey feel a glow of satisfaction and
delight unfelt before and which will be often renewed, and daily prove as the living waters from
some perennial spring.

The Advantages of Wedlock.

1. Marriage is the
natural state of man and woman. Matrimony greatly contributes to the wealth and health of
man.

2. Circumstances may compel a man not to select a companion until late in life. Many may
have parents or relatives, dependent brothers and sisters to care for, yet family ties are cultivated;
notwithstanding the home is without a wife.

3. In Christian countries the laws of marriage have greatly added to the health of man.
Marriage in barbarous countries, where little or no marriage ceremonies are required, benefits
man but little. There can be no true domestic blessedness without loyalty and love for the select
and married companion. All the licentiousness and lust of a libertine, whether civilized or
uncivilized, bring him only unrest and premature decay.

4. A man, however, may be
married and not mated, and consequently reap trouble and unhappiness. A young couple should
first carefully learn each other by making the courtship a matter of business, and sufficiently long
that the disposition and temper of each may be thoroughly exposed and understood.

5. First see that there is love; secondly, that there is adaptation; thirdly, see that there are no
physical defects, and if these conditions are properly considered, cupid will go with you.

6. The happiest place on all earth is home. A loving wife and lovely children are jewels
without price, as Payne says:

7.
Reciprocated love produces a general exhilaration of the system. The elasticity of the muscles is
increased, the circulation is quickened, and every bodily function is stimulated to renewed activity
by a happy marriage.

8. The consummation desired by all who experience this affection, is the union of souls in a
true marriage. Whatever of beauty or romance there may have been in the lover’s dream, is
enhanced and spiritualized in the intimate communion of married life. The crown of wifehood and
maternity is purer, more divine than that of the maiden. Passion is lost—emotions
predominate.

9. Too Early Marriages.—Too early marriage is always bad for the female. If a
young girl marries, her system is weakened and a full development of her body is prevented, and
the dangers of confinement are considerably increased.

10. Boys who marry young
derive but little enjoyment from the connubial state. They are liable to excesses and thereby lose
much of the vitality and power of strength and physical endurance.

11. Long
Life.—Statistics show that married men live longer than bachelors. Child-bearing for
women is conducive to longevity.

12. Complexion.—Marriage purifies the complexion, removes blotches from
the skin, invigorates the body, fills up the tones of the voice, gives elasticity and firmness to the
step, and brings health and contentment to old age.

13. Temptations Removed.—Marriage sanctifies a home, while adultery and
libertinism produce unrest, distrust and misery. It must be remembered that a married man can
practice the most absolute continence and enjoy a far better state of health than the licentious
man. The comforts of companionship develop purity and give rest to the soul.

14.
Total Abstention.—It is no doubt difficult for some men to fully abstain from
sexual intercourse and be entirely chaste in mind. The great majority of men experience frequent
strong sexual desire. Abstention is very apt to produce in their minds voluptuous images and
untamable desires which require an iron will to banish or control. The hermit in his seclusion, or
the monk in his retreat, are often flushed with these passions and trials. It is, however, natural; for
remove these passions and man would be no longer a man. It is evident that the natural state of
man is that of marriage; and he who avoids that state is not in harmony with the laws of his
being.

15. Prostitution.—Men who inherit strong passions easily argue themselves
into the belief either to practice masturbation or visit places of prostitution, on the ground that
their health demands it. Though medical investigation has proven it repeatedly to be false, yet
many believe it. The consummation of marriage involves the mightiest issues of life and is the
most holy and sacred right recognized by man, and it is the Balm of Gilead for many ills.
Masturbation or prostitution soon blight the brightest prospects a young man may have. Manhood
is morality and purity of purpose, not sensuality.

Disadvantages of Celibacy.

1. To live the life of a bachelor has many advantages and many disadvantages. The man who
commits neither fornication, adultery nor secret vice, and is pure in mind, surely has all the moral
virtues that make a good man and a good citizen, whether married or unmarried.

2. If a
good pure-minded man does not marry, he will suffer no serious loss of vital power; there will be
no tendency to spermatorrhoea or congestion, nor will he be afflicted with any one of those ills
which certain vicious writers and quacks would lead many people to believe. Celibacy is perfectly
consistent with mental vigor and physical strength. Regularity in the habits of life will always have
its good effects on the human body.

3. The average life of a married man is much longer than that of a bachelor. There is quite an
alarming odds in the United States in favor of a man with a family. It is claimed that the married
man lives on an average from five to twenty years longer than a bachelor. The married man lives a
more regular life. He has his meals more regularly and is better nursed in sickness, and in every
way a happier and more contented man. The happiness of wife and children will always add
comfort and length of days to the man who is happily married.

4. It is a fact well
answered by statistics that there is more crime committed, more vices practiced, and more
immorality among single men than among married men. Let the young man be pure in heart like
Bunyan’s Pilgrim, and he can pass the deadly dens, the roaring lions, and overcome the ravenous
fires of passion, unscathed. The vices of single men support the most flagrant of evils of modern
society, hence let every young man beware and keep his body clean and pure. His future
happiness largely depends upon his chastity while a single man.

Old Maids.

1. Modern Origin.—The prejudice which certainly still exists in the average
mind against unmarried women must be of comparatively modern origin. From the earliest ages to
ancient Greece, and Rome particularly, the highest honors were paid them. They were the
ministers of the old religions, and regarded with superstitious awe.

2. Matrimony.—Since the reformation, especially during the last century, and
in our own land, matrimony has been so much esteemed, notably by women, that it has come to
be regarded as in some sort discreditable for them to remain single. Old maids are mentioned on
every hand with mingled pity and disdain, arising no doubt from the belief, conscious or
unconscious, that they would not be what they are if they could help it. Few persons have a good
word for them as a class. We are constantly hearing of lovely maidens, charming wives, buxom
widows, but almost never of attractive old maids.

3. Discarding Prejudice.—The real old maid is like any other woman. She has
faults necessarily, though not those commonly conceived of. She is often plump, pretty, amiable,
interesting, intellectual, cultured, warm-hearted, benevolent, and has ardent friends of both sexes.
These constantly wonder why she has not married, for they feel that she must have had many
opportunities. Some of them may know why; she may have made them her confidantes. She
usually has a sentimental, romantic, frequently a sad and pathetic past, of which she does not
speak unless in the sacredness of intimacy.

4. Not Quarrelsome.—She is not dissatisfied, querulous nor envious. On the
contrary, she is, for the most part, singularly content, patient and serene,—more so than
many wives who have household duties and domestic cares to tire and trouble them.

5.
Remain Single from Necessity.—It is a stupid, as well as a heinous mistake, that
women who remain single do so from necessity. Almost any woman can get a husband if she is so
minded, as daily observation attests. When we see the multitudes of wives who have no visible
signs of matrimonial recommendation, why should we think that old maids have been totally
neglected? We may meet those who do not look inviting. But we meet any number of wives who
are even less inviting.

6. First Offer.—The appearance and outgiving of many wives denote that they
have accepted the first offer; the appearance and outgiving of many old maids that they have
declined repeated offers. It is undeniable, that wives, in the mass, have no more charm than old
maids have, in the mass. But, as the majority of women are married, they are no more criticised
nor commented on, in the bulk, than the whole sex are. They are spoken of individually as pretty
or plain, bright or dull, pleasant or unpleasant; while old maids are judged as a species, and almost
always unfavorable.

7. Becomes a Wife.—Many an old maid, so-called, unexpectedly to her
associates becomes a wife, some man of taste, discernment and sympathy having induced her to
change her state. Probably no other man of his kind has proposed before, which accounts for her
singleness. After her marriage hundreds of persons who had sneered at her condition find her
charming, thus showing the extent of their prejudice against feminine celibacy. Old maids in
general, it is fair to presume, do not wait for opportunities, but for proposers of an acceptable
sort. They may have, indeed they are likely to have, those, but not to meet these.

8.
No Longer Marry for Support.—The time has changed and women have changed
with it. They have grown more sensible, more independent in disposition as well as circumstances.
They no longer marry for support; they have proved their capacity to support themselves, and
self-support has developed them in every way. Assured that they can get on comfortably and
contentedly alone they are better adapted by the assurance for consortship. They have rapidly
increased from this and cognate causes, and have so improved in person, mind and character that
an old maid of to-day is wholly different from an old maid of forty years ago.

When and Whom to Marry.

1. Early Marriages.—Women too early married always remain small in stature,
weak, pale, emaciated, and more or less miserable. We have no natural nor moral right to
perpetuate unhealthy constitutions, therefore women should not marry too young and take upon
themselves the responsibility, by producing a weak and feeble generation of children. It is better
not to consummate a marriage until a full development of body and mind has taken place. A
young woman of twenty-one to twenty-five, and a young man of twenty-three to twenty-eight,
are considered the right age in order to produce an intelligent and healthy offspring. “First make
the tree good, then shall the fruit be good also.”

2. If marriage is delayed too long in either sex, say from thirty to forty-five, the offspring will
often be puny and more liable to insanity, idiocy, and other maladies.

3.
Puberty.—This is the period when childhood passes from immaturity of the sexual
functions to maturity. Woman attains this state a year or two sooner than man. In the hotter
climates the period of puberty is from twelve to fifteen years of age, while in cold climates, such
as Russia, the United States, and Canada, puberty is frequently delayed until the seventeenth
year.

4. Diseased Parents.—We do the race a serious wrong in multiplying the
number of hereditary invalids. Whole families of children have fallen heir to lives of misery and
suffering by the indiscretion and poor judgment of parents. No young man in the vigor of health
should think for a moment of marrying a girl who has the impress of consumption or other disease
already stamped upon her feeble constitution. It only multiplies his own suffering, and brings no
material happiness to his invalid wife. On the other hand, no healthy, vigorous young woman
ought to unite her destiny with a man, no matter how much she adored him, who is not healthy
and able to brave the hardships of life. If a young man or young woman with feeble body cannot
find permanent relief either by medicine or change of climate, no thoughts of marriage should be
entertained. Courting a patient may be pleasant, but a hard thing in married life to enjoy. The
young lady who supposes that any young man wishes to marry her for the sake of nursing her
through life makes a very grave mistake.

5. Whom to Choose for a Husband.—The choice of a husband requires the
coolest judgment and the most vigilant sagacity. A true union based on organic law is happiness,
but let all remember that oil and water will not mix: the lion will not lie down with the lamb, nor
can ill-assorted marriages be productive of aught but discord.

Look carefully at the disposition.—See that your intended Spouse is kind-hearted,
generous, and willing to respect the opinions of others, though not in sympathy with them. Don’t
marry a selfish tyrant who thinks only of himself.

6. Be Careful.—Don’t marry an intemperate man with a view of reforming
him. Thousands have tried it and failed. Misery, sorrow and a very hell on earth have been the
consequences of too many such generous undertakings.

7. The True and Only Test which any man should look for in woman is modesty in
demeanor before marriage, absence both of assumed ignorance and disagreeable familiarity, and a
pure and religious frame of mind. Where these are present, he need not doubt that he has a faithful
and a chaste wife.

8. Marrying First Cousins is dangerous to offspring. The observation is universal, the
children of married first cousins are too often idiots, insane, clump-footed, crippled, blind, or
variously diseased. First cousins are always sure to impart all the hereditary disease in both
families to their children. If both are healthy there is less danger.

9. Do Not Choose
One Too Good, or too far above you, lest the inferior dissatisfying the superior, breed those
discords which are worse than the trials of a single life. Don’t be too particular; for you might go
farther and fare worse. As far as you yourself are faulty, you should put up with faults. Don’t
cheat a consort by getting one much better than you can give. We are not in heaven yet, and must
put up with their imperfections, and instead of grumbling at them, be glad they are no worse;
remembering that a faulty one is a great deal better than none, if he loves you.

10. Marrying for Money.—Those who seek only the society of those who can
boast of wealth will nine times out of ten suffer disappointment. Wealth cannot manufacture true
love nor money buy domestic happiness. Marry because you love each other, and God will bless
your home. A cottage with a loving wife is worth more than a royal palace with a discontented
and unloving queen.

11. Difference in Age.—It is generally admitted that the husband should be a
few years older than the wife. The question seems to be how much difference. Up to twenty-two
those who propose marriage should be about the same age; however, other things being equal, a
difference of fifteen years after the younger is twenty-five, need not prevent a marriage. A man of
forty-five may marry a woman of twenty-five much more safely than one of thirty a girl below
nineteen, because her mental sexuality is not as mature as his, and again her natural coyness
requires more delicate and affectionate treatment than he is likely to bestow. A girl of twenty or
under should seldom if ever marry a man of thirty or over, because the love of an elderly man for
a girl is more parental than conjugal; while hers for him is like that of a daughter to a father. He
may pet, flatter and indulge her as he would a grown-up daughter, yet all this is not genuine
masculine and feminine love, nor can she exert over him the influence every man requires from his
wife.

12. The Best Time.—All things considered, we advise the male reader to keep
his desires in check till he is at least twenty-five, and the female not to enter the pale of wedlock
until she has attained the age of twenty. After those periods, marriage is the proper sphere of
action, and one in which nearly every individual is called by nature to play his proper part.

13. Select Carefully.—While character, health, accomplishments and social
position should be considered, yet one must not overlook mental construction and physical
conformation. The rule always to be followed in choosing a life partner is identity of taste and
diversity of temperament. Another essential is that they be physically adapted to each other.
For example: The pelvis—that part of the anatomy containing all the internal organs of
gestation—is not only essential to beauty and symmetry, but is a matter of vital importance
to her who contemplates matrimony, and its usual consequences. Therefore, the woman with a
very narrow and contracted pelvis should never choose a man of giant physical development lest
they cannot duly realize the most important of the enjoyments of the marriage state, while the
birth of large infants will impose upon her intense labor pains, or even cost her her life.

CHOOSE INTELLECTUALLY—LOVE AFTERWARD.

1. Love.—Let it ever be remembered that love is one of the most sacred
elements of our nature, and the most dangerous with which to tamper. It is a very beautiful and
delicately contrived faculty, producing the most delightful results, but easily thrown out of
repair—like a tender plant, the delicate fibers of which incline gradually to entwine
themselves around its beloved one, uniting two willing hearts by a thousand endearing ties, and
making of “twain one flesh”: but they are easily torn asunder, and then adieu to the joys of
connubial bliss!

2. Courting by the Quarter.—This courting by the quarter, “here a little and
there a little,” is one of the greatest evils of the day. This getting a little in love with Julia, and
then a little with Eliza, and a little more with Mary,—this fashionable flirtation and
coquetry of both sexes—is ruinous to the domestic affections; besides, effectually
preventing the formation of true connubial love. I consider this dissipation of the affections one of
the greatest sins against Heaven, ourselves, and the one trifled with, that can be committed.

3. Frittering Away Affections.—Young men commence courting long before
they think of marrying, and where they entertain no thoughts of marriage. They fritter away their
own affections, and pride themselves on their conquests over the female heart; triumphing in
having so nicely fooled them. They pursue this sinful course so far as to drive their pitiable
victims, one after another, from respectable society, who, becoming disgraced, retaliate by
heaping upon them all the indignities and impositions which the fertile imagination of woman can
invent or execute.

4. Courting Without Intending to Marry.—Nearly all this wide-spread crime
and suffering connected with public and private licentiousness and prostitution, has its origin in
these unmeaning courtships—this premature love—this blighting of the affections,
and every young man who courts without intending to marry, is throwing himself or his
sweet-heart into this hell upon earth. And most of the blame rests on young men, because
they take the liberty of paying their addresses to the ladies and discontinuing them, at pleasure,
and thereby mainly cause this vice.

5. Setting Their Caps.—True, young ladies sometimes “set their caps,”
sometimes court very hard by their bewitching smiles and affectionate manners; by the natural
language of love, or that backward reclining and affectionate roll of the head which expresses it;
by their soft and persuasive accents; by their low dresses, artificial forms, and many other
unnatural and affected ways and means of attracting attention and exciting love; but women never
court till they have been in love and experienced its interruption, till their first and most tender
fibres of love have been frost-bitten by disappointment. It is surely a sad condition of society.

6. Trampling the Affections of Women.—But man is a self-privileged
character. He may not only violate the laws of his own social nature with impunity, but he may
even trample upon the affections of woman. He may even carry this sinful indulgence to almost
any length, and yet be caressed and smiled tenderly upon by woman; aye, even by virtuous
woman. He may call out, only to blast the glowing affections of one young lady after another, and
yet his addresses be cordially welcomed by others. Surely a gentleman is at perfect liberty to pay
his addresses, not only to a lady, but even to the ladies, although he does not once entertain the
thought of marrying his sweet-heart, or, rather his victim. O, man, how depraved! O, woman,
how strangely blind to your own rights and interests!

7. An Infallible
Sign.—An infallible sign that a young man’s intentions are improper, is his trying to
excite your passions. If he loves you, he will never appeal to that feeling, because he respects you
too much for that. And the woman who allows a man to take advantage of her just to compel him
to marry her, is lost and heartless in the last degree, and utterly destitute of moral principle as well
as virtue. A woman’s riches is her virtue, that gone she has lost all.

8. The Beginning
of Licentiousness.—Man it seldom drives from society. Do what he may, woman, aye,
virtuous and even pious woman rarely excludes him from her list of visitors. But where is the
point of propriety?—immoral transgression should exclude either sex from respectable
society. Is it that one false step which now constitutes the boundary between virtue and vice? Or
rather, the discovery of that false step? Certainly not! but it is all that leads to, and precedes and
induces it. It is this courting without marrying. This is the beginning of licentiousness, as well as
its main, procuring cause, and therefore infinitely worse than its consummation merely.

9. Searing the Social Affections.—He has seared his social affections so
deeply, so thoroughly, so effectually, that when, at last, he wishes to marry, he is incapable of
loving. He marries, but is necessarily cold-hearted towards his wife, which of course renders her
wretched, if not jealous, and reverses the faculties of both towards each other; making both most
miserable for life. This induces contention and mutual recrimination, if not unfaithfulness, and
imbitters the marriage relations through life; and well it may.

10. Unhappy
Marriages.—This very cause, besides inducing most of that unblushing public and
private prostitution already alluded to, renders a large proportion of the marriages of the present
day unhappy. Good people mourn over the result, but do not once dream of its cause. They even
pray for moral reform, yet do the very things that increase the evil.

11. Weeping Over Her Fallen Son.—Do you see yonder godly mother,
weeping over her fallen son, and remonstrating with him in tones of a mother’s tenderness and
importunity? That very mother prevented that very son marrying the girl he dearly loved, because
she was poor, and this interruption of his love was the direct and procuring cause of his ruin; for,
if she had allowed him to marry this beloved one, he never would have thought of giving his
“strength unto strange women.” True, the mother ruined her son ignorantly, but none the less
effectually.

12. Seduction and Ruin.—That son next courts another virtuous fair one,
engages her affections, and ruins her, or else leaves her broken-hearted, so that she is the more
easily ruined by others, and thus prepares the way for her becoming an inmate of a house “whose
steps take hold on hell.” His heart is now indifferent, he is ready for anything.

13.
The Right Principle.—I say then, with emphasis, that no man should ever pay his
addresses to any woman, until he has made his selection, not even to aid him in making that
choice. He should first make his selection intellectually, and love afterward. He should go about
the matter coolly and with judgment, just as he would undertake any other important matter. No
man or woman, when blinded by love, is in a fit state to judge advantageously as to what he or
she requires, or who is adapted to his or her wants.

14. Choosing First and Loving
Afterwards.—I know, indeed, that this doctrine of choosing first and loving afterward,
of excluding love from the councils, and of choosing by and with the consent of the intellect and
moral sentiments, is entirely at variance with the feelings of the young and the customs of society;
but, for its correctness, I appeal to the common-sense—not to the experience, for so few
try this plan. Is not this the only proper method, and the one most likely to result happily? Try
it.

15. The Young Woman’s Caution.—And, especially, let no young lady
ever once think of bestowing her affections till she is certain they will not be broken
off—that is, until the match is fully agreed upon, but rather let her keep her heart whole till
she bestows it for life. This requisition is as much more important, and its violation as much more
disastrous to woman than to man, as her social faculties are stronger than his.

16. A
Burnt Child Dreads the Fire.—As a “burnt child dreads the fire,” and the more it is
burnt, the greater the dread: so your affections, once interrupted, will recoil from a second love,
and distrust all mankind. No! you cannot be too choice of your love—that pivot on which
turn your destinies for life and future happiness.

Love-Spats.

“Thunderstorms clear the atmosphere and promote vegetation; then why not Love-spats
promote love, as they certainly often do?”

“They are almost universal, and in the nature of our differences cannot be helped. The more
two love, the more they are aggrieved by each other’s faults; of which these spats are but the
correction.”

“Love-spats instead of being universal, they are consequent on imperfect love, and only
aggravate, never correct errors. Sexual storms never improve, whereas love obviates faults by
praising the opposite virtues. Every view of them, practical and philosophical, condemns them as
being to love what poison is to health, both before and after marriage. They are nothing but
married discords. Every law of mind and love condemns them. Shun them as you would deadly
vipers, and prevent them by forestallment.”—O.S. Fowler.

1. The True
Facts.—Notwithstanding some of the above quotations, to the contrary, trouble and
disagreement between lovers embitters both love and life. Contention is always dangerous, and
will beget alienation if not final separation.

2. Confirmed
Affections.—Where affections are once thoroughly confirmed, each one should be
very careful in taking offense, and avoid all disagreements as far as possible, but if disagreements
continually develop with more or less friction and irritation, it is better for the crisis to come and a
final separation take place. For peace is better than disunited love.

3.
Hate-Spats.—Hate-spats, though experienced by most lovers, yet, few realize how
fatal they are to subsequent affections. Love-spats develop into hate-spats, and their effects upon
the affections are blighting and should not under any circumstances be tolerated. Either agree, or
agree to disagree. If there cannot be harmony before the ties of marriage are assumed, then there
cannot be harmony after. Married life will be continually marred by a series of “hate-spats” that
sooner or later will destroy all happiness, unless the couple are reasonably well mated.

4. More Fatal the Oftener They Occur.—As O.S. Fowler says: “‘The poison of
asps is under their lips.’ The first spat is like a deep gash cut into a beautiful face, rendering it
ghastly, and leaving a fearful scar, which neither time nor cosmetics can ever efface; including that
pain so fatal to love, and blotting that sacred love-page with memory’s most hideous and
imperishable visages. Cannot many now unhappy remember them as the beginning of that
alienation which embittered your subsequent affectional cup, spoiled your lives? With what
inherent repulsion do you look back upon them? Their memory is horrid, and effect on love most
destructive.”

5. Fatal Conditions.—What are all lovers’ “spats” but disappointment in its
very worst form? They necessarily and always produce all its terrible consequences. The finer
feelings and sensibilities will soon become destroyed and nothing but hatred will remain.

6. Extreme Sorrow.—After a serious “spat” there generally follows a period of
tender sorrow, and a feeling of humiliation and submission. Mutual promises are consequently
made that such a condition of things shall never happen again, etc. But be sure and remember,
that every subsequent difficulty will require stronger efforts to repair the breach. Let it be
understood that these compromises are dangerous, and every new difficulty increases their
fatality. Even the strongest will endure but few, nor survive many.

7. Distrust and
Want of Confidence.—Most difficulties arise from distrust or lack of confidence or
common-sense. When two lovers eye each other like two curs, each watching, lest the other
should gain some new advantage, then this shows a lack of common-sense, and the young couple
should get sensible or separate.

8. Jealousy.—When one of the lovers,
once so tender, now all at once so cold and hardened; once so coy and familiar now suddenly so
reserved, distant, hard and austere, is always a sure case of jealousy. A jealous person is first
talkative, very affectionate, and then all at once changes and becomes cold, reserved and
repulsive, apparently without cause. If a person is jealous before marriage, this characteristic will
be increased rather than diminished by marriage.

9. Confession.—If you make up by confession, the confessor feels mean and
disgraced; or if both confess and forgive, both feel humbled; since forgiveness implies inferiority
and pity; from which whatever is manly and womanly shrinks. Still even this is better than
continued “spats.”

10. Prevention.—If you can get along well in your courtship you will
invariably make a happy couple if you should unite your destinies in marriage. Learn not to give
nor take offence. You must remember that all humanity is imperfect at best. We all have our
faults, and must keep them in subordination. Those who truly love each other will have but few
difficulties in their courtship or in married life.

11. Remedies.—Establishing a perfect love in the beginning constitutes a
preventive. Fear that they are not truly loved usually paves the way for “spats.” Let all who make
any pretension guard against all beginnings of this reversal, and strangle these “hate-spats” the
moment they arise. “Let not the sun go down upon thy wrath,” not even an hour, but let the next
sentence after they begin quench them forever. And let those who cannot court without “spats,”
stop; for those who spat before marriage must quarrel after.

A Broken Heart.

1. Wounded Love.—’Tis true that love wields a magic, sovereign, absolute,
and tyrannical power over both the body and the mind when it is given control. It often, in case of
dissapointment, works havoc and deals death blows to its victims, and leaves many in that morbid
mental condition which no life-tonics simply can restore. Wounded love may be the result of hasty
and indiscreet conduct of young people; or the outgrowth of lust, or the result of domestic
infidelity and discord.

2. Fatal Effects.—Our cemeteries receive within the cold shadows of the grave
thousands and thousands of victims that annually die from the results of “broken hearts.” It is no
doubt a fact that love troubles cause more disorders of the heart than everything else
combined.

3. Disrupted Love.—It has long been known that dogs, birds, and even horses,
when separated from their companions or friends, have pined away and died; so it is not strange
that man with his higher intuitive ideas of affection should suffer from love when suddenly
disrupted.

4. Crucifying Love.—Painful love feelings strike right to the heart, and the
breaking up of love that cannot be consummated in marriage is sometimes allowed to crucify the
affections. There is no doubt that the suffering from disappointed love is often deeper and more
intense than meeting death itself.

5. Healing.—The paralyzing and agonizing consequences of ruptured love can
only be remedied by diversion and society. Bring the mind into a state of patriotic independence
with a full determination to blot out the past. Those who cannot bring into subordination the
pangs of disappointment in love are not strong characters, and invariably will suffer
disappointments in almost every department of life. Disappointment in love means rising above it,
and conquering it, or demoralization, mental, physical and sexual.

6. Love Runs
Mad.—Love comes unbidden. A blind ungovernable impulse seems to hold sway in the
passions of the affections. Love is blind and seems to completely subdue and conquer. It often
comes like a clap of thunder from a clear sky, and when it falls it falls flat, leaving only the ruins
of a tornado behind.

7. Bad, Dismal, and Blue Feelings.—Despondency
breathes disease, and those who yield to it can neither work, eat nor sleep; they only suffer. The
spell-bound, fascinated, magnetized affections seem to deaden self-control and no doubt many
suffering from love-sickness are totally helpless; they are beside themselves, irritational and wild.
Men and women of genius, influence and education, all seem to suffer alike, but they do not yield
alike to the subduing influence; some pine away and die; others rise above it, and are the stronger
and better for having been afflicted.

8. Rise above It.—Cheer up! If you cannot think pleasurably over your
misfortune, forget it. You must do this or perish. Your power and influence is too much to blight
by foolish and melancholic pining. Your own sense, your self-respect, your self-love, your love for
others, command you not to spoil yourself by crying over “spilt milk.”

9. Retrieve
Your Past Loss.—Do sun, moon, and stars indeed rise and set in your loved one? Are
there not “as good fish in the sea as ever were caught?” and can you not catch them? Are there
not other hearts on earth just as loving and lovely, and in every way as congenial; If circumstances
had first turned you upon another, you would have felt about that one as now about this. Love
depends far less on the party loved than on the loving one. Or is this the way either to retrieve
your past loss, or provide for the future? Is it not both unwise and self-destructive; and in every
way calculated to render your case, present and prospective, still more hopeless?

10.
Find Something to Do.—Idle hands are Satan’s workshop. Employ your mind; find
something to do; something in which you can find self-improvement; something that will fit you
better to be admired by someone else, read, and improve your mind; get into society, throw your
whole soul into some new enterprise, and you will conquer with glory and come out of the fire
purified and made more worthy.

11. Love Again.—As love was the cause of your suffering, so love again will
restore you, and you will love better and more consistently. Do not allow yourself to become
soured and detest and shun association. Rebuild your dilapidated sexuality by cultivating a general
appreciation of the excellence, especially of the mental and moral qualities of the opposite sex.
Conquer your prejudices, and vow not to allow anyone to annoy or disturb your calmness.

12. Love for the Dead.—A most affectionate woman, who continues to love
her affianced though long dead, instead of becoming soured or deadened, manifests all the
richness and sweetness of the fully-developed woman thoroughly in love, along with a softened,
mellow, twilight sadness which touches every heart, yet throws a peculiar lustre and beauty over
her manners and entire character. She must mourn, but not forever. It is not her duty to herself or
to her Creator.

13. A Sure Remedy.—Come in contact with the other sex. You are infused
with your lover’s magnetism, which must remain till displaced by another’s. Go to parties and
picnics; be free, familiar, offhand, even forward; try your knack at fascinating another, and yield to
fascinations yourself. But be honest, command respect, and make yourself attractive and
worthy.

Former Customs and Peculiarities Among Men.

1. Polygamy.—There is a wide difference as regards the relations of the sexes
in different parts of the world. In some parts polygamy has prevailed from time immemorial.

Most savage people are polygamists, and the Turks, though slowly departing from the
practice, still allow themselves a plurality of wives.

2. Rule
Reversed.—In Thibet the rule is reversed, and the females are provided with two or
more husbands. It is said that in many instances a whole family of brothers have but one wife. The
custom has at least one advantageous feature, viz.: the possibility of leaving an unprotected
widow and a number of fatherless children is entirely obviated.

3. The Morganatic
Marriage is a modification of polygamy. It sometimes occurs among the royalty of Europe,
and is regarded as perfectly legitimate, but the morganatic wife is of lower rank than her royal
husband, and her children do not inherit his rank or fortune. The Queen only is the consort of the
sovereign, and entitled to share his rank.

4. Different Manners of Obtaining
Wives.—Among the uncivilized almost any envied possession is taken by brute force
or superior strength. The same is true in obtaining a wife. The strong take precedence of the
weak. It is said that among the North American Indians it was the custom for men to wrestle for
the choice of women. A weak man could seldom retain a wife that a strong man coveted.

The law of contest was not confined to individuals alone. Women were frequently the cause
of whole tribes arraying themselves against each other in battle. The effort to excel in physical
power was a great incentive to bodily development, and since the best of the men were preferred
by the most superior women, the custom was a good one in this, that the race was improved.

5. The Aboriginal Australian employed low cunning and heartless cruelty in obtaining
his wife. Laying in ambush, with club in hand, he would watch for the coveted woman, and,
unawares, spring upon her. If simply disabled he carried her off as his possession, but if the blow
had been hard enough to kill, he abandoned her to watch for another victim. There is here no
effort to attract or please, no contest of strength; his courtship, if courtship it can be called, would
compare very unfavorably with any among the brute creation.

6. The
Kalmuck Tartar races for his bride on horseback, she having a certain start previously agreed
upon. The nuptial knot consists in catching her, but we are told that the result of the race
all depends upon whether the girl wants to be caught or not.

7. Hawaiian
Islanders.—Marriage among the early natives of these islands was merely a matter of
mutual inclination. There was no ceremony at all, the men and women united and separated as
they felt disposed.

8. The Feudal Lord, in various parts of Europe, when any of his dependents or
followers married, exercised the right of assuming the bridegroom’s proper place in the marriage
couch for the first night. Seldom was there any escape from this abominable practice. Sometimes
the husband, if wealthy, succeeded in buying off the petty sovereign from exercising his
privilege.

9. The Spartans had the custom of encouraging intercourse between their best men
and women for the sake of a superior progeny, without any reference to a marriage ceremony.
Records show that the ancient Roman husband has been known to invite a friend, in whom he
may have admired some physical or mental trait, to share the favors of his wife; that the peculiar
qualities that he admired might be repeated in the offspring.

Sensible Hints in Choosing a Partner.

1. There are many fatal errors and many love-making failures in courtship. Natural laws
govern all nature and reduce all they govern to eternal right; therefore love naturally, not
artificially. Don’t love a somebody or a nobody simply because they have money.

2.
Court Scientifically.—If you court at all, court scientifically. Bungle whatever else
you will, but do no bungle courtship. A failure in this may mean more than a loss of wealth or
public honors; it may mean ruin, or a life often worse than death. The world is full of wretched
and mismated people.

Begin right and all will be right; begin wrong and all will end wrong. When you
court, make a business of it and study your interest the same as you would study any other
business proposition.

3. Divorces.—There is not a divorce on our court records that is not the result
of some fundamental error in courtship. The purity or the power of love may be corrupted the
same as any other faculty, and when a man makes up his mind to marry and shuts his eyes and
grabs in the dark for a companion, he dishonors the woman he captures and commits a crime
against God and society. In this enlightened age there should be comparatively few mistakes made
in the selection of a suitable partner. Sufficient time should be taken to study each other’s
character and disposition. Association will soon reveal adaptability.

4. False
Love.—Many a poor, blind and infatuated novice thinks he is desperately in love,
when there is not the least genuine affection in his nature. It is all a momentary passion a sort of
puppy love; his vows and pledges are soon violated, and in wedlock he will become indifferent
and cold to his wife and children, and he will go through life without ambition, encouragement or
success. He will be a failure. True love speaks for itself, and the casual observer can read its
proclamations. True love does not speak in a whisper, it always makes itself heard. The follies of
flirting develops into many unhappy marriages, and blight many a life. Man happily married has
superior advantages both social and financially.

5. Flirting just for Fun.—Who is the flirt, what is his reputation, motive, or
character? Every young man and woman must have a reputation; if it is not good it is bad, there is
no middle ground. Young people who are running in the streets after dark, boisterous and noisy in
their conversation, gossiping and giggling, flirting with first one and then another, will soon settle
their matrimonial prospects among good society. Modesty is a priceless jewel. No sensible young
man with a future will marry a flirt.

6. The Arch-Deceiver.—They who win the affection simply for their own
amusement are committing a great sin for which there is no adequate punishment. How can you
shipwreck the innocent life of that confiding maiden, how can you forget her happy looks as she
drank in your expressions of love, how can you forget her melting eyes and glowing cheeks, her
tender tone reciprocating your pretended love? Remember that God is infinitely just, and “the soul
that sinneth shall surely die.” You may dash into business, seek pleasure in the club room, and
visit gambling hells, but “Thou art the man” will ever stare you in the face. Her pale, sad cheeks,
her hollow eyes will never cease to haunt you. Men should promote happiness, and not cause
misery. Let the savage Indians torture captives to death by the slow flaming fagot, but let civilized
man respect the tenderness and love of confiding women. Torturing the opposite sex is
double-distilled barbarity. Young men agonizing young ladies, is the cold-blooded cruelty of
devils, not men.

7. The Rule to Follow.—Do not continually pay your attentions to the same
lady if you have no desire to win her affections. Occasionally escorting her to church, concert,
picnic, party, etc., is perfectly proper; but to give her your special attention, and extend invitations
to her for all places of amusements where you care to attend, is an implied promise that you prefer
her company above all others, and she has a right to believe that your attentions are serious.

THE WEDDING RING

8. Every Girl Should Seal Her Heart against all manifested affections, unless they are
accompanied by a proposal. Woman’s love is her all, and her heart should be as flint until she finds
one who is worthy of her confidence. Young woman, never bestow your affections until by some
word or deed at least you are fully justified in recognizing sincerity and faith in him who is paying
you special attention. Better not be engaged until twenty-two. You are then more competent to
judge the honesty and falsity of man. Nature has thrown a wall of maidenly modesty around you.
Preserve that and not let your affections be trifled with while too young by any youthful flirt who
is in search of hearts to conquer.

9. Female Flirtation.—The young man who loves a young woman has paid her
the highest compliment in the possession of man. Perpetrate almost any sin, inflict any other
torture, but spare him the agony of disappointment. It is a crime that can never be forgiven, and a
debt that never can be paid.

10. Loyalty.—Young persons with serious intentions, or those who are
engaged should be thoroughly loyal to each other. If they seek freedom with others the flame of
jealousy is likely to be kindled and love is often turned to hatred, and the severest anger of the
soul is aroused. Loyalty, faithfulness, confidence, are the three jewels to be cherished in courtship.
Don’t be a flirt.

11. Kissing, Fondling, and Caressing Between
Lovers.—This should never be tolerated under any circumstances, unless there is an
engagement to justify it, and then only in a sensible and limited way. The girl who allows a young
man the privilege of kissing her or putting his arms around her waist before engagement will at
once fall in the estimation of the man she has thus gratified and desired to please. Privileges
always injure, but never benefit.

12. Improper Liberties During Courtship Kill Love.—Any improper liberties
which are permitted by young ladies, whether engaged or not, will change love into sensuality,
and her affections will become obnoxious, if not repellent. Men by nature love virtue, and for a
life companion naturally shun an amorous woman. Young folks, as you love moral purity and
virtue, never reciprocate love until you have required the right of betrothal. Remember that those
who are thoroughly in love will respect the honor and virtue of each other. The purity of woman
is doubly attractive, and sensuality in her becomes doubly offensive and repellent. It is contrary to
the laws of nature for a man to love a harlot.

13. A Seducer.—The punishment of the seducer is best given by O.S. Fowler,
in his “Creative Science.” The sin and punishment rest on all you who call out only to blight a
trusting, innocent, loving virgin’s affections, and then discard her. You deserve to be
horsewhipped by her father, cowhided by her brothers, branded villain by her mother, cursed by
herself, and sent to the whipping-post and dungeon.

14. Caution.—A young lady should never encourage the attentions of a young
man, who shows no interest in his sisters. If a young man is indifferent to his sisters he will
become indifferent to his wife as soon as the honey moon is over. There are few if any exceptions
to this rule. The brother who will not be kind and loving in his mother’s home will make a very
poor husband.

15. The Old Rule: “Never marry a man that does not make his mother a Christmas
present every Christmas,” is a good one. The young lady makes no mistake in uniting her destinies
with the man that loves his mother and respects his sisters and brothers.

SAFE HINTS.

1. Marry in your own position in life. If there is any difference in social position, it is better
that the husband should be the superior. A woman does not like to look down upon her husband,
and to be obliged to do so is a poor guarantee for their happiness.

2. It is best to marry
persons of your own faith and religious convictions, unless one is willing to adopt those of the
other. Difference of faith is apt to divide families, and to produce great trouble in after life. A
pious woman should beware of marrying an irreligious man.

3. Don’t be afraid of marrying a poor man or woman. Good health, cheerful disposition, stout
hearts and industrious hands will bring happiness and comfort.

4. Bright red hair should
marry jet black, and jet black auburn or bright red, etc. And the more red-faced and bearded or
impulsive a man, the more dark, calm, cool and quiet should his wife be; and vice versa. The florid
should not marry the florid, but those who are dark, in proportion as they themselves are
light.

5. Red-whiskered men should marry brunettes, but no blondes; the color of the whiskers
being more determinate of the temperament than that of the hair.

6. The color of the
eyes is still more important. Gray eyes must marry some other color, almost any other except
gray; and so of blue, dark, hazel, etc.

7. Those very fleshy should not marry those
equally so, but those too spare and slim; and this is doubly true of females. A spare man is much
better adapted to a fleshy woman than a round-favored man. Two who are short, thick-set and
stocky, should not unite in marriage, but should choose those differently constituted; but on no
account one of their own make. And, in general, those predisposed to corpulence are therefore
less inclined to marriage.

8. Those with little hair or beard should marry those whose
hair is naturally abundant; still those who once had plenty, but who have lost it, may marry those
who are either bald or have but little; for in this, as in all other cases, all depends on what one is
by nature, little on present states.

9. Those whose motive-temperament decidedly predominates, who are bony, only moderately
fleshy, quite prominent-featured, Roman-nosed and muscular, should not marry those similarly
formed.

10. Small, nervous men must not marry little, nervous or sanguine women, lest both they and
their children have quite too much of the hot-headed and impulsive, and die suddenly.

11. Two very beautiful persons rarely do or should marry; nor two extra homely. The fact is a
little singular that very handsome women, who of course can have their pick, rarely marry
good-looking men, but generally give preference to those who are homely; because that
exquisiteness in which beauty originates naturally blends with that power which accompanies huge
noses and disproportionate features.

12. Rapid movers, speakers, laughers, etc., should marry those who are calm and deliberate,
and impulsives those who are stoical; while those who are medium may marry those who are
either or neither, as they prefer.

13. Noses indicate characters by indicating the organisms and temperaments. Accordingly,
those noses especially marked either way should marry those having opposite nasal
characteristics. Roman noses are adapted to those which turn up, and pug noses to those turning
down; while straight noses may marry either.

14. Men who love to command must be especially careful not to marry imperious,
women’s-rights woman; while those who willingly “obey orders” need just such. Some men
require a wife who shall take their part; yet all who do not need strong-willed women, should be
careful how they marry them.

15. A sensible woman should not marry an obstinate but injudicious, unintelligent man;
because she cannot long endure to see and help him blindly follow his poor, but spurn her good,
plans.

16. The reserved or secretive should marry the frank. A cunning man cannot endure the least
artifice in a wife. Those who are non-committal must marry those who are demonstrative; else,
however much they may love, neither will feel sure as to the other’s affections, and each will
distrust the other, while their children will be deceitful.

17. A timid woman should never
marry a hesitating man, lest, like frightened children, each keep perpetually re-alarming the other
by imaginary fears.

18. An industrious, thrifty, hard-working man should marry a woman
tolerably saving and industrious. As the “almighty dollar” is now the great motor-wheel of
humanity, and that to which most husbands devote their entire lives to delve alone is uphill
work.

Marriage Securities.

1. Seek Each Other’s Happiness.—A selfish marriage that seeks only its own
happiness defeats itself. Happiness is a fire that will not burn long on one stick.

2. Do Not Marry Suddenly.—It can always be done till it is done, if it is a
proper thing to do.

3. Marry in Your Own Grade in Society.—It is painful to be always
apologizing for any one. It is more painful to be apologized for.

4. Do Not Marry
Downward.—It is hard enough to advance in the quality of life without being loaded
with clay heavier than your own. It will be sufficiently difficult to keep your children up to your
best level without having to correct a bias in their blood.

5. Do Not Sell
Yourself.—It matters not whether the price be money or position.

6. Do Not Throw Yourself Away.—You will not receive too much, even if
you are paid full price.

7. Seek the Advice of Your Parents.—Your parents are your best friends.
They will make more sacrifice for you than any other mortals. They are elevated above selfishness
concerning you. If they differ from you concerning your choice, it is because they must.

8. Do Not Marry to Please Any Third Party.—You must do the living and
enduring.

9. Do Not Marry to Spite Anybody.—It would add wretchedness to folly.

10. Do Not Marry Because Someone Else May Seek the Same Hand.—One
glove may not fit all hands equally well.

11. Do Not Marry to Get Rid of Anybody.—The coward who shot himself to
escape from being drafted was insane.

12. Do Not Marry Merely for the Impulse of Love.—Love is a principle as
well as an emotion. So far as it is a sentiment it is a blind guide. It does not wait to test the
presence of exalted character in its object before breaking out into a flame. Shavings make a hot
fire, but hard coal is better for the Winter.

13. Do Not Marry Without Love.—A body without a soul soon becomes
offensive.

14. Test Carefully the Effect of Protracted
Association.—If familiarity breeds contempt before marriage it will afterward.

15. Test Carefully the Effect of Protracted
Separation.—True love will defy both time and space.

16. Consider
Carefully the right of your children under the laws of heredity. It is doubtful whether you
have a right to increase the number of invalids and cripples.

17. Do Not Marry
Simply Because You Have Promised to Do So.—If a seam opens between you now it
will widen into a gulf. It is less offensive to retract a mistaken promise than to perjure your soul
before the altar. Your intended spouse has a right to absolute integrity.

18. Marry Character.—It is not so much what one has as what one is.

19. Do Not Marry the Wrong Object.—Themistocles said he would rather
marry his daughter to a man without money than to money with a man. It is well to have both. It
is fatal to have neither.

20. Demand a Just Return.—You give virtue and purity, and gentleness and
integrity. You have a right to demand the same in return. Duty requires it.

21.
Require Brains.—Culture is good, but will not be transmitted. Brain power may
be.

22. Study Past Relationship.—The good daughter and sister makes a good
wife. The good son and brother makes a good husband.

23. Never Marry as a Missionary Deed.—If one needs saving from bad habits
he is not suitable for you.

24. Marriage is a Sure and Specific Remedy for all the ills known as seminal losses.
As right eating cures a sick stomach and right breathing diseased lungs, so the right use of the
sexual organs will bring relief and restoration. Many men who have been sufferers from
indiscretions of youth, have married, and were soon cured of spermatorrhoea and other
complications which accompanied it.

25. A Good, Long Courtship will often cure many difficulties or ills of the sexual
organs. O.S. Fowler says: “See each other often spend many pleasant hours together,” have many
walks and talks, think of each other while absent, write many love letters, be inspired to many
love feelings and acts towards each other, and exercise your sexuality in a thousand forms ten
thousand times, every one of which tones up and thereby recuperates this very element now
dilapidated. When you have courted long enough to marry, you will be sufficiently restored to be
reimproved by it.

Up and at it.—Dress up, spruce up, and be on the alert. Don’t wait too long to
get one much more perfect than you are; but settle on some one soon. Remember that your
unsexed state renders you over-dainty, and easily disgusted. So contemplate only their lovable
qualities.

26. Purity of Purpose.—Court with a pure and loyal purpose, and when
thoroughly convinced that the disposition of other difficulties are in the way of a happy marriage
life, then honorably discuss it and honorably treat each other in the settlement.

27. Do not trifle with the feelings or affections of each other. It is a sin that will curse
you all the days of your life.

WOMEN WHO MAKE THE BEST WIVES.

1. Conscious of the Duties of Her Sex.—A woman conscious of the duties of
her sex, one who unflinchingly discharges the duties allotted to her by nature, would no doubt
make a good wife.

2. Good Wives and Mothers.—The good wives and mothers are the women
who believe in the sisterhood of women as well as in the brotherhood of men. The highest
exponent of this type seeks to make her home something more than an abode where children are
fed, clothed and taught the catechism. The State has taken her children into politics by making
their education a function of politicians. The good wife and homemaker says to her children,
“Where thou goest, I will go.” She puts off her own inclinations to ease and selfishness. She
studies the men who propose to educate her children; she exhorts mothers to sit beside fathers on
the school-board; she will even herself accept such thankless office in the interests of the helpless
youth of the schools who need a mother’s as well as a father’s and a teacher’s care in this field of
politics.

3. A Busy Woman.—As to whether a busy woman, is, a woman who labors
for mankind in the world outside her home,—whether such an one can also be a good
housekeeper, and care for her children, and make a real “Home, Sweet Home!” with all the
comforts by way of variation, why! I am ready, as the result of years practical experience as a
busy woman, to assert that women of affairs can also be women of true domestic tastes and
habits.

4. Brainy Enough.—What kind of women make the best wives? The woman
who is brainy enough to be a companion, wise enough to be a counsellor, skilled enough in the
domestic virtues to be a good housekeeper, and loving enough to guide in true paths the children
with whom the home may be blessed.

5. Found the Right Husband.—The best wife is the woman who has found the
right husband, a husband who understands her. A man will have the best wife when he rates that
wife as queen among women. Of all women she should always be to him the dearest. This sort of
man will not only praise the dishes made by his wife, but will actually eat them.

6.
Bank Account.—He will allow his life-companion a bank account, and will exact
no itemized bill at the end of the month. Above all, he will pay the Easter bonnet bill without a
word, never bring a friend to dinner without first telephoning home,—short, he will
comprehend that the woman who makes the best wife is the woman whom, by his indulgence of
her ways and whims, he makes the best wife. So after all, good husbands have the most to do with
making good wives.

PUNISHMENT OF WIFE BEATERS IN NEW ENGLAND IN THE EARLY
DAYS.

7. Best Home Maker.—A woman to be the best home maker needs to be
devoid of intensive “nerves.” She must be neat and systematic, but not too neat, lest she destroy
the comfort she endeavors to create. She must be distinctly amiable, while firm. She should have
no “career,” or desire for a career, if she would fill to perfection the home sphere. She must be
affectionate, sympathetic and patient, and fully appreciative of the worth and dignity of her
sphere.

8. Know Nothing Whatsoever About Cooking or Sewing or Housekeeping.—I
am inclined to make my answer to this question somewhat concise, after the manner of a text
without the sermon. Like this: To be the “best wife” depends upon three things: first, an abiding
faith with God; second, duty lovingly discharged as daughter, wife and mother; third,
self-improvement, mentally, physically, spiritually. With this as a text and as a glittering generality,
let me touch upon one or two practical essentials. In the course of every week it is my privilege to
meet hundreds of young women,—prospective wives. I am astonished to find that many of
these know nothing whatsoever about cooking or sewing or housekeeping. Now, if a woman
cannot broil a beefsteak, nor boil the coffee when it is necessary, if she cannot mend the linen, nor
patch a coat, if she cannot make a bed, order the dinner, create a lamp-shade, ventilate the house,
nor do anything practical in the way of making home actually a home, how can she expect to
make even a good wife, not to speak of a better or best wife? I need not continue this sermon.
Wise girls will understand.

9. The Best Keeper of Home.—As to who is the best keeper of this transition
home, memory pictures to me a woman grown white under the old slavery, still bound by it, in
that little-out-of-the-way Kansas town, but never so bound that she could not put aside household
tasks, at any time, for social intercourse, for religious conversation, for correspondence, for
reading, and, above all, for making everyone who came near her feel that her home was the
expression of herself, a place for rest, study, and the cultivation of affection. She did not exist for
her walls, her carpets, her furniture; they existed for her and all who came to her She considered
herself the equal of all; and everyone else thought her the superior of all.

Adaptation, Conjugal Affection, and Fatal Errors.

ADVICE TO THE
MARRIED AND UNMARRIED.

1. Marrying for Wealth.—Those who marry for wealth often get what they
marry and nothing else; for rich girls besides being generally destitute of both industry and
economy, are generally extravagant in their expenditures, and require servants enough to dissipate
a fortune. They generally have insatiable wants, yet feel that they deserve to be indulged in
everything, because they placed their husbands under obligation to them by bringing them a
dowry. And then the mere idea of living on the money of a wife, and of being supported by her, is
enough to tantalize any man of an independent spirit.

2. Self-Support.—What spirited husband would not prefer to support both
himself and wife, rather than submit to this perpetual bondage of obligation. To live upon a father,
or take a patrimony from him, is quite bad enough; but to run in debt to a wife, and owe her a
living, is a little too aggravating for endurance, especially if there be not perfect cordiality between
the two, which cannot be the case in money matches. Better live wifeless, or anything else, rather
than marry for money.

3. Money-Seekers.—Shame on sordid wife-seekers, or, rather, money-seekers;
for it is not a wife that they seek, but only filthy lucre! They violate all their other faculties simply
to gratify miserly desire. Verily such “have their reward”!

4. The Penitent
Hour.—And to you, young ladies, let me say with great emphasis, that those who
court and marry you because you are rich, will make you rue the day of your pecuniary espousals.
They care not for you, but only your money, and when they get that, will be liable to neglect or
abuse you, and probably squander it, leaving you destitute and abandoning you to your fate.

6. Industry the Sign of Nobility.—Marry a working, industrious young lady,
whose constitution is strong, flesh solid, and health unimpaired by confinement, bad habits, or late
hours. Give me a plain, home-spun farmer’s daughter, and you may have all the rich and
fashionable belles of our cities and villages.

6. Wasp Waists.—Marrying small waists is attended with consequences scarcely less
disastrous than marrying rich and fashionable girls. An amply developed chest is a sure indication
of a naturally vigorous constitution and a strong hold on life; while small waists indicate small and
feeble vital organs, a delicate constitution, sickly offspring, and a short life. Beware of them,
therefore, unless you wish your heart broken by the early death of your wife and children.

7. Marrying Talkers.—In marrying a wit or a talker merely, though the brilliant
scintillations of the former, or the garrulity of the latter, may amuse or delight you for the time
being, yet you will derive no permanent satisfaction from these qualities, for there will be no
common bond of kindred feeling to assimilate your souls and hold each spell-bound at the shrine
of the other’s intellectual or moral excellence.

8. The Second Wife.—Many men, especially in choosing a second wife, are
governed by her own qualifications as a housekeeper mainly, and marry industry and economy.
Though these traits of character are excellent, yet a good housekeeper may be far from being a
good wife. A good housekeeper, but a poor wife, may indeed prepare you a good dinner, and
keep her house and children neat and tidy, yet this is but a part of the office of a wife; who,
besides all her household duties, has those of a far higher order to perform. She should soothe you
with her sympathies, divert your troubled mind, and make the whole family happy by the
gentleness of her manners, and the native goodness of her heart. A husband should also likewise
do his part.

9. Do Not Marry a Man With a Low, Flat Head; for, however fascinating, genteel,
polite, tender, plausible or winning he may be, you will repent the day of your espousal.

10. Healthy Wires and Mothers.—Let girls romp, and let them range hill and
dale in search of flowers, berries, or any other object of amusement or attraction; let them bathe
often, skip the rope, and take a smart ride on horseback; often interspersing these amusements
with a turn of sweeping or washing, in order thereby to develop their vital organs, and thus lay a
substantial physical foundation for becoming good wives and mothers. The wildest romps usually
make the best wives, while quiet, still, demure, sedate and sedentary girls are not worth
having.

11. Small Stature.—In passing, I will just remark, that good size is important
in wives and mothers. A small stature is objectionable in a woman, because little women usually
have too much activity for their strength, and, consequently, feeble constitutions; hence they die
young, and besides, being nervous, suffer extremely as mothers.

12. Hard Times and Matrimony.—Many persons, particularly young men,
refuse to marry, especially “these hard time,” because they cannot support a wife in the style they
wish. To this I reply, that a good wife will care less for the style in which she is supported, than
for you. She will cheerfully conform to your necessities, and be happy with you in a log-cabin.
She will even help you support yourself. To support a good wife, even if she have children, is
really less expensive than to board alone, besides being one of the surest means of acquiring
property.

13. Marrying for a Home.—Do not, however, marry for a home merely, unless
you wish to become even more destitute with one than without one; for, it is on the same footing
with “marrying for money.” Marry a man for his merit; and you take no chances.

14.
Marry to Please No One But Yourself.—Marria a matter exclusively your own;
because you alone must abide its consequences. No person, not even a parent, has the least right
to interfere or dictate in this matter. I never knew a marriage, made to please another, to turn out
any otherwise than most unhappily.

15. Do Not Marry to Please Your Parents. Parents can not love for their children any
more than they can eat or sleep, or breathe, or die and go to heaven for them. They may give
wholesome advice merely, but should leave the entire decision to the unbiased judgment of the
parties themselves, who mainly are to experience the consequences of their choice. Besides, such
is human nature, that to oppose lovers, or to speak against the person beloved, only increases
their desire and determination to marry.

16. Run-Away Matches.—Many a run-away match would never have taken
place but for opposition or interference. Parents are mostly to be blamed for these elopements.
Their children marry partly out of sprite and to be contrary. Their very natures tell them that this
interference is unjust—as it really is—and this excites combativeness, firmness, and
self-esteem, in combination with the social faculties, to powerful and even blind
resistance—which turmoil of the faculties hastens the match. Let the affections of a
daughter be once slightly enlisted in your favor, and then let the “old folks” start an opposition,
and you may feel sure of your prize. If she did not love you before, she will now, that you are
persecuted.

17. Disinheritance.—Never disinherit, or threaten to disinherit, a child for
marrying against your will. If you wish a daughter not to marry a certain man, oppose her, and she
will be sure to marry him; so also in reference to a son.

18. Proper
Training.—The secret is, however, all in a nutshell. Let the father properly train his
daughter, and she will bring her first love-letter to him, and give him an opportunity to cherish a
suitable affection, and to nip an improper one in the germ, before it has time to do any harm.

19. The Fatal Mistakes of Parents.—There is, however one way of
effectually preventing an improper match, and that is, not to allow your children to associate with
any whom you are unwilling they should marry. How cruel as well at unjust to allow a daughter to
associate with a young man till the affections of both are riveted, and then forbid her marrying
him. Forbid all association, or consent cheerfully to the marriage.

20. An
Intemperate Lover.—Do not flatter yourselves young women, that you can wean even
an occasional wine drinker from his cups by love and persuasion. Ardent spirit at first, kindles up
the fires of love into the fierce flames of burning licentiousness, which burn out every element of
love and destroy every vestige of pure affection. It over-excites the passions, and thereby finally
destroys it,—producing at first, unbridled libertinism, and then an utter barrenness of love;
besides reversing the other faculties of the drinker against his own consort, and those of the wife
against her drinking husband.

FIRST LOVE, DESERTION AND DIVORCE.

1. First Love.—This is the most important dire of all. The first love
experiences a tenderness, a purity and unreservedness, an exquisiteness, a devotedness, and a
poetry belonging to no subsequent attachment. “Love, like life, has no second spring.” Though a
second attachment may be accompanied by high moral feeling, and to a devotedness to the object
loved; yet, let love be checked or blighted in its first pure emotion, and the beauty of its spring is
irrecoverably withered and lost. This does not mean the simple love of children in the first
attachment they call love, but rather the mature intelligent love of those of suitable age.

2. Free from Temptations.—As long as his heart is bound up in its first bundle
of love and devotedness—as long as his affections remain reciprocated and
uninterrupted—so long temptations cannot take effect. This heart is callous to the charms
of others, and the very idea of bestowing his affections upon another is abhorrent. Much more so
is animal indulgence, which is morally impossible.

3. Second Love not Constant.—But let this first love be broken off, and the
flood-gates of passion are raised. Temptations now flow in upon him. He casts a lustful eye upon
every passing female, and indulges unchaste imaginations and feelings. Although his
conscientiousness or intellect may prevent actual indulgence, yet temptations now take effect, and
render him liable to err; whereas before they had no power to awaken improper thoughts or
feelings. Thus many young men find their ruin.

4. Legal Marriage.—What would any woman give for merely a nominal or
legal husband, just to live with and provide for her, but who entertained not one spark of love for
her, or whose affections were bestowed upon another? How absurd, how preposterous the
doctrine that the obligations of marriage derive their sacredness from legal enactments and
injunctions! How it literally profanes this holy of holies, and drags down this heaven-born
institution from its original, divine elevation, to the level of a merely human device. Who will dare
to advocate the human institution of marriage without the warm heart of a devoted and loving
companion!

5. Legislation.—But no human legislation can so guard this institution but that
it may be broken in spirit, though, perhaps, acceded to in form; for, it is the heart which this
institution requires. There must be true and devoted affection, or marriage is a farce and a
failure.

6. The Marriage Ceremony and the Law Governing Marriage are for the protection
of the individual, yet a man and woman may be married by law and yet unmarried in spirit. The
law may tie together, and no marriage be consummated. Marriage therefore is Divine, and “whom
God hath joined together let no man put asunder.” A right marriage means a right state of the
heart. A careful study of this work will be a great help to both the unmarried and the married.

7. Desertion and Divorce.—For a young man to court a young woman, and
excite her love till her affections are riveted, and then (from sinister motives, such as, to marry
one richer, or more handsome), to leave her, and try elsewhere, is the very same crime as to
divorce her from all that she holds dear on earth—to root up and pull out her imbedded
affections, and to tear her from her rightful husband. First love is always constant. The second
love brings uncertainty—too often desertions before marriage and divorces after
marriage.

8. The Coquet.—The young woman to play the coquet, and sport with the
sincere affections of an honest and devoted young man, is one of the highest crimes that human
nature can commit. Better murder him in body too, as she does in soul and morals, and it is the
result of previous disappointment, never the outcome of a sincere first love.

9. One
Marriage. One evidence that second marriages are contrary to the laws of our social nature,
is the fact that almost all step-parents and step-children disagree. Now, what law has been broken,
to induce this penalty? The law of marriage; and this is one of the ways in which the breach
punishes itself. It is much more in accordance with our natural feelings, especially those of
mothers, that children should be brought up by their own parent.

10. Second
Marriage.—Another proof of this point is, that second marriage is more a matter of
business. “I’ll give you a home, if you’ll take care of my children.” “It’s a bargain,” is the way most
second matches are made. There is little of the poetry of first-love, and little of the coyness and
shrinking diffidence which characterize the first attachment. Still these remarks apply almost
equally to a second attachment, as to second marriage.

11. The Conclusion of the
Whole Matter.—Let this portion be read and pondered, and also the one entitled,
“Marry your First Love if possible,” which assigns the cause, and points out the only remedy, of
licentiousness. As long as the main cause of this vice exists, and is aggravated by purse-proud,
high-born, aristocratic parents and friends, and even by the virtuous and religious, just so long,
and exactly in the same ratio will this blighting Sirocco blast the fairest flowers of female
innocence and lovliness, and blight our noblest specimens of manliness. No sin of our land is
greater.

Flirting and Its Dangers.

1. No Excuse.—In this country there is no excuse for the young man who
seeks the society of the loose and the dissolute. There is at all times and everywhere open to him a
society of persons of the opposite sex of his own age and of pure thoughts and lives, whose
conversation will refine him and drive from his bosom ignoble and impure thoughts.

2. The Dangers.—The young man who may take pleasure in the fact that he is
the hero of half a dozen or more engagements and love episodes, little realizes that such constant
excitement often causes not only dangerously frequent and long-continued nocturnal emissions,
but most painful affections of the testicles. Those who show too great familiarity with the other
sex, who entertain lascivious thoughts, continually exciting the sexual desires, always suffer a
weakening of power and sometimes the actual diseases of degeneration, chronic inflammation of
the gland, spermatorrhoea, impotence, and the like.—Young man, beware; your
punishment for trifling with the affections of others may cost you a life of affliction.

3.
Remedy.—Do not violate the social laws. Do not trifle with the affections of your
nature. Do not give others countless anguish, and also do not run the chances of injuring yourself
and others for life. The society of refined and pure women is one of the strongest safeguards a
young man can have, and he who seeks it will not only find satisfaction, but happiness. Simple
friendship and kind affections for each other will ennoble and benefit.

4. The Time
for Marriage.—When a young man’s means permit him to marry, he should then look
intelligently for her with whom he expects to pass the remainder of his life in perfect loyalty, and
in sincerity and singleness of heart. Seek her to whom he is ready to swear to be ever true.

5. Breach of Confidence.—Nothing is more certain, says Dr. Naphey, to
undermine domestic felicity, and sap the foundation of marital happiness, than marital infidelity.
The risks of disease which a married man runs in impure intercourse are far more serious, because
they not only involve himself, but his wife and his children. He should know that there is nothing
which a woman will not forgive sooner than such a breach of confidence. He is exposed to the
plots and is pretty certain sooner or later to fall into the snares of those atrocious parties who
subsist on black-mail. And should he escape these complications, he still must lose self-respect,
and carry about with him the burden of a guilty conscience and a broken vow.

6.
Society Rules and Customs.—A young man can enjoy the society of ladies without
being a “flirt.” He can escort ladies to parties, public places of interest, social gatherings, etc.,
without showing special devotion to any one special young lady. When he finds the choice of his
heart, then he will be justified to manifest it, and publicly proclaim it by paying her the
compliment, exclusive attention. To keep a lady’s company six months is a public announcement
of an engagement.

A Word to Maidens.

1. No Young Lady who is not willing to assume the responsibility of a true wife, and
be crowned with the sacred diadem of motherhood, should ever think of getting married. We have
too many young ladies to-day who despise maternity, who openly vow that they will never be
burdened with children, and yet enter matrimony at the first opportunity. What is the result? Let
echo answer, What? Unless a young lady believes that motherhood is noble, is honorable, is
divine, and she is willing to carry out that sacred function of her nature, she had a thousand times
better refuse every proposal, and enter some honorable occupation and wisely die an old maid by
choice.

2. On the Other Hand, Young Lady, never enter into the physical relations of
marriage with a man until you have conversed with him freely and fully on these relations. Learn
distinctly his views and feelings and expectations in regard to that purest and most ennobling of all
the functions of your nature, and the most sacred of all intimacies of conjugal love. Your
self-respect, your beauty, your glory, your heaven, as a wife, will be more directly involved in his
feelings and views and practices, in regard to that relation, than in all other things. As you would
not become a weak, miserable, imbecile, unlovable and degraded wife and mother, in the very
prime of your life, come to a perfect understanding with your chosen one, ere you commit your
person to his keeping in the sacred intimacies of home. Beware of that man who, under pretence
of delicacy, modesty, and propriety, shuns conversation with you on this relation, and on the
hallowed function of maternity.

3. Talk With Your Intended frankly and openly. Remember, concealment and
mystery in him, towards you, on all other subjects pertaining to conjugal union might be
overlooked, but if he conceals his views here, rest assured it bodes no good to your purity and
happiness as a wife and mother. You can have no more certain assurance that you are to be
victimized, your soul and body offered up, slain on the altar of his sensualism, than his
unwillingness to converse with you on subjects so vital to your happiness. Unless he is willing to
hold his manhood in abeyance to the calls of your nature and to your conditions, and consecrate
its passions and its powers to the elevation and happiness of his wife and children, your maiden
soul had better return to God unadorned with the diadem of conjugal and maternal love than that
you should become the wife of such man and the mother of his children.

UNIFORMED MEN ARE ALWAYS POPULAR.

POPPING THE QUESTION.

1. Making the Declaration.—There are few emergencies in business and few
events in life that bring to man the trying ordeal of “proposing to a lady.” We should be glad to
help the bashful lover in his hours of perplexity, embarrassment and hesitation, but unfortunately
we cannot pop the question for him, nor give him a formula by which he may do it. Different
circumstances and different surroundings compel every lover to be original in his form or mode of
proposing.

2. Bashfulness.—If a young man is very bashful, he should write his sentiments
in a clear, frank manner on a neat white sheet of note paper, enclose it in a plain white envelope
and find some way to convey it to the lady’s hand.

3. The Answer.—If the beloved one’s heart is touched and she is in sympathy
with the lover, the answer should be frankly and unequivocally given. If the negative answer is
necessary, it should be done in the kindest and most sympathetic language, yet definite, positive
and to the point, and the gentleman should at once withdraw his suit and continue friendly but not
familiar.

4. Saying “No” for “Yes.”-If girls are foolish enough to say “No” when they mean
“Yes,” they must suffer the consequences which often follow. A man of intelligence and
self-respect will not ask a lady twice. It is begging for recognition and lowers his dignity, should
he do so. A lady is supposed to know her heart sufficiently to consider the question to her
satisfaction before giving an answer.

5. Confusion of Words and Misunderstanding.—Sometimes a man’s happiness,
has depended on his manner of popping the question. Many a time the girl has said “No” because
the question was so worded that the affirmative did not come from the mouth naturally; and two
lives that gravitated toward each other with all their inward force have been thrown suddenly
apart, because the electric keys were not carefully touched.

6. Scriptural
Declaration.—The church is not the proper place to conduct a courtship, yet the
following is suggestive and ingenious.

A young gentleman, familiar with the Scriptures,
happening to sit in a pew adjoining a young lady for whom he conceived a violent attachment,
made his proposal in this way. He politely handed his neighbor a Bible open, with a pin stuck in
the following text: Second Epistle of John, verse 5: “And I beseech thee, lady, not as though I
wrote a new commandment unto thee, but that we had from the beginning, that we love one
another.”

She returned it, pointing to the second chapter of Ruth, verse 10: “Then she
fell on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, and said unto him. Why have I found grace in
thine eyes that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger?”

He
returned the book, pointing to the 13th verse of the Third Epistle of John: “Having many things to
write unto you, I would not write to you with paper and ink, but trust to come unto you and
speak face to face, that your joy may be full.”

From the above interview a marriage took place the ensuing month in the same church.

7. How Jenny was Won.

8. A Romantic Way
for Proposing.—In Peru they have a romantic way of popping the question. The suitor
appears on the appointed evening, with a gaily dressed troubadour under the balcony of his
beloved. The singer steps before her flower-bedecked window, and sings her beauties in the name
of her lover. He compares her size to that of a pear tree, her lips to two blushing rose-buds, and
her womanly form to that of a dove. With assumed harshness the lady asks her lover: Who are
you, and what do you want? He answers with ardent confidence: “Thy love I do adore. The stars
live in the harmony of love, and why should not we, too, love each other?” Then the proud beauty
gives herself away: she takes her flower-wreath from her hair and throws it down to her lover,
promising to be his forever.

The Wedding.

1. The Proper Time.—Much has been printed in various volumes regarding the
time of the year, the influence of the seasons, etc., as determining the proper time to set for the
wedding day. Circumstances must govern these things. To be sure, it is best to avoid extremes of
heat and cold. Very hot weather is debilitating, and below zero is uncomfortable.

2.
The Lady Should Select the Day.—There is one element in the time that is of great
importance, physically, especially to the lady. It is the day of the month, and it is hoped that every
lady who contemplates marriage is informed upon the great facts of ovulation. By reading page 244 she will understand that it is to her advantage to select a wedding
day about fifteen or eighteen days after the close of menstruation in the month chosen, since it is
not best that the first child should be conceived during the excitement or irritation of first attempts
at congress; besides modest brides naturally do not wish to become large with child before the
season of congratulation and visiting on their return from the “wedding tour” is over.

Again, it is asserted by many of the best writers on this subject, that the mental condition of
either parent at the time of intercourse will be stamped upon the embryo hence it is not only best,
but wise, that the first-born should not be conceived until several months after marriage, when the
husband and wife have nicely settled in their new home, and become calm in their experience of
each other’s society.

3. The “Bridal Tour” is considered by many newly married couples as a necessary
introduction to a life of connubial joy. There is, in our opinion, nothing in the custom to
recommend it. After the excitement and overwork before and accompanying a wedding, the
period immediately following should be one of rest.

Again, the money expended
on the ceremony and a tour of the principal cities, etc., might, in most cases, be applied to a
multitude of after-life comforts of far more lasting value and importance. To be sure, it is not
pleasant for the bride, should she remain at home, to pass through the ordeal of criticism and
vulgar comments of acquaintances and friends, and hence, to escape this, the young couple feel
like getting away for a time. Undoubtedly the best plan for the great majority, after this most
eventful ceremony, is to enter their future home at once, and there to remain in comparative
privacy until the novelty of the situation is worn off.

4. If the Conventional
Tour is taken, the husband should remember that his bride cannot stand the same amount of
tramping around and sight-seeing that he can. The female organs of generation are so easily
affected by excessive exercise of the limbs which support them, that at this critical period it would
be a foolish and cosily experience to drag a lady hurriedly around the country on an extensive and
protracted round of sight-seeing or visiting. Unless good common-sense is displayed in the
manner of spending the “honey-moon,” it will prove very untrue to its name. In many cases it lays
the foundation for the wife’s first and life-long “backache.”

Advice to Newly Married Couples.

1. “Be Ye Fruitful and Multiply” is a Bible commandment which the children of men
habitually obey. However they may disagree on other subjects, all are in accord on this; the
barbarous, the civilized, the high, the low, the fierce, the gentle—all unite in the desire
which finds its accomplishment in the reproduction of their kind. Who shall quarrel with the
Divinely implanted instinct, or declare it to be vulgar or unmentionable? It is during the period of
the honeymoon that the intensity of this desire, coupled with the greatest curiosity, is at its height,
and the unbridled license often given the passions at this time is attended with the most dangerous
consequences.

2. Consummation of Marriage.—The first time that the husband and wife
cohabit together after the ceremony has been performed is called the consummation of marriage.
Many grave errors have been committed by people in this, when one or both of the contracting
parties were not physically or sexually in a condition to carry out the marriage relation. A
marriage, however, is complete without this in the eyes of the law, as it is a maxim taken from the
Roman civil statutes that consent, not cohabitation, is the binding element in the ceremony. Yet,
in most States of the U.S., and in some other countries, marriage is legally declared void and of
no effect where it is not possible to consummate the marriage relation. A divorce may be obtained
provided the injured party begins the suit.

3. Test of Virginity.—The consummation of marriage with a virgin is not
necessarily attended with a flow of blood, and the absence of this sign is not the slightest
presumption against her former chastity. The true test of virginity is modesty void of any
disagreeable familiarity. A sincere Christian faith is one of the best recommendations.

4.
Let Every Man Remember that the legal right of marriage does not carry with it the
moral right to injure for life the loving companion he has chosen. Ignorance may be the cause, but
every man before he marries should know something of the physiology and the laws of health, and
we here give some information which is of very great importance to every newly-married
man.

5. Sensuality.—Lust crucifies love. The young sensual husband is generally at
fault. Passion sways and the duty to bride and wife is not thought of, and so a modest young wife
is often actually forced and assaulted by the unsympathetic haste of her husband. An amorous man
in that way soon destroys his own love, and thus is laid the foundation for many difficulties that
soon develop trouble and disturb the happiness of both.

6. Abuse After Marriage.—Usually marriage is consummated within a day or
two after the ceremony, but this is gross injustice to the bride. In most cases she is nervous, timid,
and exhausted by the duties of preparation for the wedding, and in no way in a condition, either in
body or mind, for the vital change which the married relation bring upon her. Many a young
husband often lays the foundation of many diseases of the womb and of the nervous system in
gratifying his unchecked passions without a proper regard for his wife’s exhausted condition.

7. The First Conjugal Approaches are usually painful to the new wife, and no
enjoyment to her follows. Great caution and kindness should be exercised. A young couple
rushing together in their animal passion soon produce a nervous and irritating condition which ere
long brings apathy, indifference, if not dislike. True love and a high regard for each other will
temper passion into moderation.

8. Were the Above Injunctions Heeded fully and literally it would be folly to say
more, but this would be omitting all account of the bridegroom’s new position, the power of his
passion, and the timidity of the fair creature who is wondering what fate has in store for her
trembling modesty. To be sure, there are some women who are possessed of more forward
natures and stronger desires than others. In such cases there may be less trouble.

9.
A Common Error.—The young husband may have read in some treatise on
physiology that the hymen in a virgin is the great obstacle to be overcome. He is apt to conclude
that this is all, that some force will be needed to break it down, and that therefore an amount of
urgency even to the degree of inflicting considerable pain is justifiable. This is usually wrong. It
rarely constitutes any obstruction and, even when its rupturing may be necessary, it alone seldom
causes suffering.

There are sometimes certain deformities of the vagina, but no woman should knowingly seek
matrimonial relations when thus afflicted.

We quote from Dr. C.A. Huff the following:

10. “What Is It, then, that Usually Causes distress to many women, whether a bride
or a long-time wife?” The answer is, Simply those conditions of the organs in which they are not
properly prepared, by anticipation and desire, to receive a foreign body. The modest one craves
only refined and platonic love at first, and if husbands, new and old, would only realize this plain
truth, wife-torturing would cease and the happiness of each one of all human pairs vastly
increase.

11. The Conditions of the Female organs depend upon the state of the mind just as
much as in the case of the husband. The male, however, being more sensual, is more quickly
roused. She is far less often or early ready. In its unexcited state the vagina is lax, its walls are
closed together, and their surfaces covered by but little lubricating secretion. The chaster one of
the pair has no desire that this sacred vestibule to the great arcana of procreation shall be
immediately and roughly invaded. This, then, is the time for all approaches by the husband to be
of the most delicate, considerate, and refined description possible. The quietest and softest
demeanor, with gentle and re-assuring words, are all that should be attempted at first. The
wedding day has probably been one of fatigue, and it is foolish to go farther.

12. For
More Than One Night it will be wise, indeed, if the wife’s confidence shall be as much wooed
and won by patient, delicate, and prolonged courting, as before the marriage engagement. How
long should this period of waiting be can only be decided by the circumstances of any case. The
bride will ultimately deny no favor which is sought with full deference to her modesty, and in
connection with which bestiality is not exhibited. Her nature is that of delicacy; her affection is of
a refined character; if the love and conduct offered to her are a careful effort to adapt roughness
and strength to her refinement and weakness, her admiration and responsive love will be excited
to the utmost.

13. When That Moment Arrives when the bride finds she can repose perfect
confidence in the kindness of her husband, that his love is not purely animal, and that no violence
will be attempted, the power of her affection for him will surely assert itself; the mind will act on
those organs which nature has endowed to fulfil the law of her being, the walls of the vagina will
expand, and the glands at the entrance will be fully lubricated by a secretion of mucous which
renders congress a matter of comparative ease.

14. When This Responsive Enlargement and lubrication are fully realized, it is made
plain why the haste and force so common to first and subsequent coition, is, as it has been justly
called, nothing but “legalized rape.” Young husband, Prove your manhood, not by yielding to
unbridled lust and cruelty, but by the exhibition of true power in self-control and patience
with the helpless being confided to your care. Prolong the delightful season of courting into and
through wedded life and rich shall be your reward.

15. A
Want of Desire may often prevail, and may be caused by loss of sleep, study, constant
thought, mental disturbance, anxiety, self-abuse, excessive use of tobacco or alcoholic drink, etc.
Overwork may cause debility; a man may not have an erection for months, yet it may not be a sign
of debility, sexual lethargy or impotence. Get the mind and the physical constitution in proper
condition, and most all these difficulties will disappear. Good athletic exercise by walking, riding,
or playing croquet, or any other amusement, will greatly improve the condition. A good rest,
however, will be necessary to fully restore the mind and the body, then the natural condition of
the sexual organs will be resumed.

16. Having Twins.—Having twins is undoubtedly hereditary and descends
from generation to generation, and persons who have twins are generally those who have great
sexual vigor. It is generally the result of a second cohabitation immediately following the first, but
some parents have twins who cohabit but once during several days.

17. Proper
Intercourse.—The right relation of a newly-married couple will rather increase than
diminish love. To thus offer up the maiden on the altar of love and affection only swells her flood
of joy and bliss; whereas, on the other hand, sensuality humbles, debases, pollutes, and never
elevates. Young husbands should wait for an invitation to the banquet and they will be
amply paid by the very pleasure sought. Invitation or permission delights, and possession by force
degrades. The right-minded bridegroom will postpone the exercise of his nuptial rights for a few
days, and allow his young wife to become rested from the preparation and fatigue of the wedding,
and become accustomed to the changes in her new relations of life.

18. Rightly
Beginning Sexual Life.—Intercourse promotes all the functions of the body and mind,
but rampant just and sexual abuses soon destroy the natural pleasures of intercourse, and
unhappiness will be the result. Remember that intercourse should not become the polluted
purpose of marriage. To be sure, rational enjoyment benefits and stimulates love, but the pleasure
of each other’s society, standing together on all questions of mutual benefit, working hand in hand
and shoulder to shoulder in the battle of life, raising a family of beautiful children, sharing each
other’s joys and sorrows, are the things that bring to every couple the best, purest, and noblest
enjoyment that God has bestowed upon man.

Sexual Proprieties and Improprieties.

1. To have offspring is not to be regarded as a luxury, but as a great primary necessity of
health and happiness, of which every fully-developed man and woman should have a fair share,
while it cannot be denied that the ignorance of the necessity of sexual intercourse to the health
and virtue of both man and woman is the most fundamental error in medical and moral
philosophy.

2. In a state of pure nature, where man would have his sexual instincts under full and natural
restraint, there would be little, if any, licentiousness, and children would be the result of natural
desire, and not the accidents of lust.

3. This is an age of sensuality; unnatural passions cultivated and indulged. Young people in
the course of their engagement often sow the seed of serious excesses. This habit of embracing,
sitting on the lover’s lap, leaning on his breast, long and uninterrupted periods of secluded
companionship, have become so common that it is amazing how a young lady can safely arrive at
the wedding day. While this conduct may safely terminate with the wedding day, yet it cultivates
the tendency which often results in excessive indulgencies after the honey-moon is over.

4. Separate Beds.—Many writers have vigorously championed as a reform the
practice of separate beds for husband and wife. While we would not recommend such separation,
it is no doubt very much better for both husband and wife, in case the wife is pregnant. Where
people are reasonably temperate, no such ordinary precautions as separate sleeping places may be
necessary. But in case of pregnancy it will add rest to the mother and add vigor to the unborn
child. Sleeping together, however, is natural and cultivates true affection, and it is physiologically
true that in very cold weather life is prolonged by husband and wife sleeping together.

5. The Authority of the Wife.—Let the wife judge whether she desires a
separate couch or not. She has the superior right to control her own person. In such diseases as
consumption, or other severe or lingering diseases, separate beds should always be insisted
upon.

6. The Time for Indulgence.—The health of the generative functions depends
upon exercise, just the same as any other vital organ. Intercourse should be absolutely avoided
just before or after meals, or just after mental excitement or physical exercise. No wife should
indulge her husband when he is under the influence of alcoholic stimulants, for idiocy and other
serious maladies are liable to be visited upon the offspring.

7. Restraint during
Pregnancy.—There is no question but what moderate indulgence during the first few
months of pregnancy does not result in serious harm; but people who excessively satisfy their
ill-governed passions are liable to pay a serious penalty.

8.
Miscarriage.—If a woman is liable to abortion or miscarriage, absolute abstinence
is the only remedy. No sexual indulgence during pregnancy can be safely tolerated.

9. It
is better for people not to marry until they are of proper age. It is a physiological fact that men
seldom reach the full maturity or their virile power before the age of twenty-five, and the female
rarely attains the full vigor of her sexual powers before the age of twenty.

10. Illicit
Pleasures.—The indulgence of illicit pleasures, says Dr. S. Pancoast, sooner or later is
sure to entail the most loathsome diseases on their votaries. Among these diseases are
Gonorrhoea, Syphilis, Spermatorrhoea (waste of semen by daily and nightly involuntary
emissions), Satyriasis (a species of sexual madness, or a sexual diabolism, causing men to commit
rape and other beastly acts and outrages, not only on women and children, but men and animals,
as sodomy, pederasty, etc.), Nymphomania (causing women to assail every man they meet, and
supplicate and excite him to gratify their lustful passions, or who resort to means of sexual
pollutions, which is impossible to describe without shuddering), together with spinal diseases and
many disorders of the most distressing and disgusting character filling the bones with rottenness,
and eating away the flesh by gangrenous ulcers, until the patient dies, a horrible mass of putridity
and corruption.

11. Sensuality.—Sensuality is not love, but an unbridled desire which kills the
soul. Sensuality will drive away the roses in the cheeks of womanhood, undermine health and
produce a brazen countenance that can be read by all men. The harlot may commit her sins in the
dark, but her countenance reveals her character and her immorality is an open secret.

12.
Sexual Temperance.—All excesses and absurdities of every kind should be
carefully avoided. Many of the female disorders which often revenge themselves in the cessation
of all sexual pleasure are largely due to the excessive practice of sexual indulgence.

13.
Frequency.—Some writers claim that intercourse should never occur except for
the purpose of childbearing but such restraint is not natural and consequently not conducive to
health. There are many conditions in which the health of the mother and offspring must be
respected. It is now held that it is nearer a crime than a virtue to prostitute woman to the
degradation of breeding animals by compelling her to bring into life more offspring than can be
born healthy, or be properly cared for and educated.

14. In this work we shall attempt to specify no rule, but simply give advice as to the health
and happiness of both man and wife. A man should not gratify his own desires at the expense of
his wife’s health, comfort or inclination. Many men no doubt harass their wives and force many
burdens upon their slender constitutions. But it is a great sin and no true husband will demand
unreasonable recognition. The wife when physically able, however, should bear with her husband.
Man is naturally sensitive on this subject, and it takes but little to alienate his affections and bring
discover into the family.

15. The best writers lay down the rule for the government of the marriage-bed, that sexual
indulgence should only occur about once in a week or ten days, and this of course applies only to
those who enjoy a fair degree of health. But it is a hygienic and physiological fact that those who
indulge only once a month receive a far greater degree of the intensity of enjoyment than those
who indulge their passions more frequently. Much pleasure is lost by excesses where much might
be gained by temperance giving rest to the organs for the accumulation of nervous force.

How to Perpetuate The Honey-Moon.

1. Continue Your Courtship.—Like causes produce like effects.

2.
Neglect of Your Companion.—Do not assume a right to neglect your companion
more after marriage than you did before.

3. Secrets.—Have no secrets that you keep from your companion. A third
party is always disturbing.

4. Avoid the Appearance of Evil.—In matrimonial matters it is often that the
mere appearance contains all the evil. Love, as soon as it rises above calculation and becomes
love, is exacting. It gives all, and demands all.

5. Once Married, Never Open Your Mind to Any Change. If you keep the door of
your purpose closed, evil or even desirable changes cannot make headway without help.

6. Keep Step in Mental Development.—A tree that grows for forty years may
take all the sunlight from a tree that stops growing at twenty.

7. Keep a Lively
Interest in the Business of the
Home.—Two that do not pull together are weaker than either alone.

8.
Gauge Your Expenses by Your Revenues.—Love must eat. The sheriff often
levies on Cupid long before he takes away the old furniture.

9. Start From Where
Your Parents Started Rather than from Where They Now Are.—Hollow and showy
boarding often furnishes the too strong temptation, while the quietness of a humble home would
cement the hearts beyond risk.

10. Avoid Debt.—Spend your own money, but earn it first, then it will not be
necessary to blame any one for spending other people’s.

11. Do Not Both Get Angry
at the Same Time.—Remember, it takes two to quarrel.

12. Do Not Allow Yourself Ever to Come to an Open
Rupture.—Things unsaid need less repentance.

13. Study to Conform
Your Tastes and Habits to the Tastes and Habits of Your Companion.—If two walk
together, they must agree.

How to Be a Good Wife.

1. Reverence Your Husband.—He sustains by God’s order a position of
dignity as head of a family, head of the woman. Any breaking down of this order indicates a
mistake in the union, or a digression from duty.

2. Love Him.—A wife loves as naturally as the sun shines. Love is your best
weapon. You conquered him with that in the first place. You can reconquer by the same
means.

3. Do Not Conceal Your Love from Him.—If he is crowded with care, and
too busy to seem to heed your love, you need to give all the greater attention to securing his
knowledge of your love. If you intermit he will settle down into a hard, cold life with increased
rapidity. Your example will keep the light on his conviction. The more he neglects the fire on the
hearth, the more carefully must you feed and guard it. It must not be allowed to go out. Once out
you must sit ever in darkness and in the cold.

4. Cultivate the Modesty and Delicacy of Your
Youth.—The relations and familiarity of wedded life may seem to tone down the
sensitive and retiring instincts of girlhood, but nothing can compensate for the loss of these.
However, much men may admire the public performance of gifted women, they do not desire that
boldness and dash in a wife. The holy blush of a maiden’s modesty is more powerful in hallowing
and governing a home than the heaviest armament that ever a warrior bore.

5.
Cultivate Personal Attractiveness.—This means the storing of your mind with a
knowledge of passing events, and with a good idea of the world’s general advance. If you read
nothing, and make no effort to make yourself attractive, you will soon sink down into a dull hack
of stupidity. If your husband never hears from you any words of wisdom, or of common
information, he will soon hear nothing from you. Dress and gossips soon wear out. If your
memory is weak, so that it hardly seems worth while to read, that is additional reason for
reading.

6.
Cultivate Physical Attractiveness.—When you were encouraging the attentions of
him whom you now call husband, you did not neglect any item of dress or appearance that could
help you. Your hair was always in perfect training. You never greeted him with a ragged or untidy
dress or soiled hands. It is true that your “market is made,” but you cannot afford to have it
“broken.” Cleanliness and good taste will attract now as they did formerly. Keep yourself at your
best. Make the most of physical endowments. Neatness and order break the power of
poverty.

7. Study Your Husband’s Character.—He has his peculiarities. He has no right
to many of them, and you need to know them; thus you can avoid many hours of friction. The
good pilot steers around the sunken rocks that lie in the channel. The engineer may remove them,
not the pilot. You are more pilot than engineer. Consult his tastes. It is more important to your
home, that you should please him than anybody else.

8. Practice Economy.—Many families are cast out of peace into grumbling and
discord by being compelled to fight against poverty. When there are no great distresses to be
endured or accounted for, complaint and fault-finding are not so often evoked. Keep your
husband free from the annoyance of disappointed creditors, and he will be more apt to keep free
from annoying you. To toil hard for bread, to fight the wolf from the door, to resist impatient
creditors, to struggle against complaining pride at home, is too much to ask of one man. A crust
that is your own is a feast, while a feast that is purloined from unwilling creditors if a famine.

How to Be a Good Husband.

1. Show Your Love.—All life manifests itself. As certainly as a live tree will
put forth leaves in the spring, so certainly will a living love show itself. Many a noble man toils
early and late to earn bread and position for his wife. He hesitates at no weariness for her sake. He
justly thinks that such industry and providence give a better expression of his love than he could
by caressing her and letting the grocery bills go unpaid. He fills the cellar and pantry. He drives
and pushes his business. He never dreams that he is actually starving his wife to death. He may
soon have a woman left to superintend his home, but his wife is dying. She must be kept alive by
the same process that called her into being. Recall and repeat the little attentions and delicate
compliments that once made you so agreeable, and that fanned her love into a consuming flame. It
is not beneath the dignity of the skillful physician to study all the little symptoms, and order all the
little round of attentions that check the waste of strength and brace the staggering constitution. It
is good work for a husband to cherish his wife.

2. Consult with Your Wife.—She is apt to be as right as you are, and
frequently able to add much to your stock of wisdom. In any event she appreciates your
attentions.

3. Study to Keep Her Young.—It can be done. It is not work, but worry, that
wears. Keep a brave, true heart between her and all harm.

4. Help to Bear Her
Burdens.—Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of love. Love seeks
opportunities to do for the loved object. She has the constant care of your children. She is
ordained by the Lord to stand guard over them. Not a disease can appear in the community
without her taking the alarm. Not a disease can come over the threshold without her instantly
springing into the mortal combat. If there is a deficiency anywhere it comes out of her pleasure.
Her burdens are everywhere. Look for them, that you may lighten them.

5. Make
Yourself Helpful by Thoughtfulness.—Remember to bring into the house your best
smile and sunshine. It is good for you, and it cheers up the home. There is hardly a nook in the
house that has not been carefully hunted through to drive out everything that might annoy you.
The dinner which suits, or ought to suit you, has not come on the table of itself. It represents
much thoughtfulness and work. You can do no more manly thing than find some way of
expressing, in word or look, your appreciation of it.

6. Express Your Will, Not by
Commands, but by
Suggestions.—It is God’s order that you should be the head of the family. You are
clothed with authority. But this does not authorize you to be stern and harsh, as an officer in the
army. Your authority is the dignity of love. When it is not clothed in love it ceases to have the
substance of authority. A simple suggestion that may embody a wish, an opinion or an argument,
becomes one who reigns over such a kingdom as yours.

7. Seek to Refine Your Nature.—It is no slander to say that many men have
wives much more refined than themselves. This is natural in the inequalities of life. Other qualities
may compensate for any defect here. But you need have no defect in refinement. Preserve the
gentleness and refinement of your wife as a rich legacy for your children, and in so doing you will
lift yourself to higher levels.

8. Be a Gentleman as well as a Husband.—The signs and bronze and callouses
of toil are no indications that you are not a gentleman. The soul of gentlemanliness is a kindly
feeling toward others, that prompts one to secure their comfort. That is why the thoughtful
peasant lover is always so gentlemanly, and in his love much above himself.

9. Stay
at Home.—Habitual absence during the evenings is sure to bring sorrow. If your duty
or business calls you you have the promise that you will be kept in all your ways. But if you go
out to mingle with other society, and leave your wife at home alone, or with the children and
servants, know that there is no good in store for you. She has claims upon you that you can not
afford to allow to go to protest. Reverse the case. You sit down alone after having waited all day
for your wife’s return, and think of her as reveling in gay society, and see if you can keep out all
the doubts as to what takes her away. If your home is not as attractive as you want it, you are a
principal partner. Set yourself about the work of making it attractive.

10. Take Your
Wife with You into Society.—Seclusion begets morbidness. She needs some of the life
that comes from contact with society. She must see how other people appear and act. It often
requires an exertion for her to go out of her home, but it is good for her and for you. She will
bring back more sunshine. It is wise to rest sometimes. When the Arab stops for his dinner he
unpacks his camel. Treat your wife with as much consideration.

Cause of Family Troubles.

1. Much Better to Be Alone.—He who made man said it is not good for him
to be alone; but it is much better to be alone, than it is to be in some kinds of company. Many
couples who felt unhappy when they were apart, have been utterly miserable when together; and
scores who have been ready to go through fire and water to get married, have been willing to run
the risk of fire and brimstone to get divorced. It is by no means certain that because persons are
wretched before marriage they will be happy after it. The wretchedness of many homes, and the
prevalence of immorality and divorce is a sad commentary on the evils which result from unwise
marriages.

2. Unavoidable Evils.—There are plenty of unavoidable evils in this world, and
it is mournful to think of the multitudes who are preparing themselves for needless
disappointments, and who yet have no fear, and are unwilling to be instructed, cautioned or
warned. To them the experience of mature life is of little account compared with the wisdom of
ardent and enthusiastic youth.

3. Matrimonial Infelicity.—One great cause of matrimonial infelicity is the
hasty marriages of persons who have no adequate knowledge of each other’s characters. Two
strangers become acquainted, and are attracted to each other, and without taking half the trouble
to investigate or inquire that a prudent man would take before buying a saddle horse, they are
married. In a few weeks or months it is perhaps found that one of the parties was married already,
or possibly that the man is drunken or vicious, or the woman anything but what she should be.
Then begins the bitter part of the experience: shame, disgrace, scandal, separation, sin and
divorce, all come as the natural results of a rash and foolish marriage. A little time spent in honest,
candid, and careful preliminary inquiry and investigations would have saved the trouble.

4. The Climax.—It has been said that a man is never utterly ruined until he has
married a bad woman. So the climax of woman’s miseries and sorrows may be said to come only
when she is bound with that bond which should be her chiefest blessing and her highest joy, but
which may prove her deepest sorrow and her bitterest curse.

5. The Folly of
Follies.—There are some lessons which people are very slow to learn, and yet which
are based upon the simple principles of common-sense. A young lady casts her eye upon a young
man. She says, “I mean to have that man.” She plies her arts, engages his affections, marries him,
and secures for herself a life of sorrow and disappointment, ending perhaps in a broken up home
or an early grave. Any prudent, intelligent person of mature age, might have warned or cautioned
her; but she sought no advice, and accepted no admonition. A young man may pursue a similar
course with equally disastrous results.

6.
Hap-Hazard.—Many marriages are undoubtedly arranged by what may be termed
the accident of locality. Persons live near each other, become acquainted, and engage themselves
to those whom they never would have selected as their companions in life if they had wider
opportunities of acquaintance. Within the borders of their limited circle they make a selection
which may be wise or may be unwise. They have no means of judging, they allow no one else to
judge for them. The results are sometimes happy and sometimes unhappy in the extreme. It is well
to act cautiously in doing what can be done but once. It is not a pleasant experience for a person
to find out a mistake when it is too late to rectify it.

7. We All Change.—When two persons of opposite sex are often thrown
together they are very naturally attracted to each other, and are liable to imbibe the opinion that
they are better fitted for life-long companionship than any other two persons in the world. This
may be the case, or it may not be. There are a thousand chances against such a conclusion to one
in favor of it. But even if at the present moment these two persons were fitted to be associated, no
one can tell whether the case will be the same five or ten years hence. Men change; women
change; they are not the same they were ten years ago; they are not the same they will be ten
years hence.

8. The Safe Rule.—Do not be in a hurry; take your time and consider well
before you allow your devotion to rule you. Study first your character, then study the character of
her whom you desire to marry. Love works mysteriously, and if it will bear careful and cool
investigation, it will no doubt thrive under adversity. When people marry they unite their destinies
for the better or the worse. Marriage is a contract for life and will never bear a hasty conclusion.
Never be in a hurry!

Jealousy—Its Cause and Cure.

1. Definition.—Jealousy is an accidental passion, for which the faculty indeed
is unborn. In its nobler form and in its nobler motives it arises from love, and in its lower form it
arises from the deepest and darkest Pit of Satan.

2. How Developed.—Jealousy arises either from weakness, which from a
sense of its own want of lovable qualities is not convinced of being sure of its cause, or from
distrust, which thinks the beloved person capable of infidelity. Sometimes all these motives may
act together.

3. Noblest Jealousy.—The noblest jealousy, if the term noble is appropriate, is
a sort of ambition or pride of the loving person who feels it is an insult that another one should
assume it as possible to supplant his love, or it is the highest degree of devotion which sees a
declaration of its object in the foreign invasion, as it were, of his own altar. Jealousy is always a
sign that a little more wisdom might adorn the individual without harm.

4. The
Lowest Jealousy.—The lowest species of jealousy is a sort of avarice of envy which,
without being capable of love, at least wishes to possess the object of its jealousy alone by the one
party assuming a sort of property right over the other. This jealousy, which might be called the
Satanic, is generally to be found with old withered “husbands,” whom the devil has prompted to
marry young women and who forthwith dream night and day of cuck-old’s horns. These
Argus-eyed keepers are no longer capable of any feeling that could be called love, they are rather
as a rule heartless house-tyrants, and are in constant dread that some one may admire or
appreciate his unfortunate slave.

5. Want of Lore.—The general conclusion will be that jealousy is more the
result of wrong conditions which cause uncongenial unions, and which through moral corruption
artificially create distrust than a necessary accompaniment of love.

6. Result of Poor Opinion.—Jealousy is a passion with which those are most
afflicted who are the least worthy of love. An innocent maiden who enters marriage will not
dream of getting jealous; but all her innocence cannot secure her against the jealousy of her
husband if he has been a libertine. Those are wont to be the most jealous who have the
consciousness that they themselves are most deserving of jealousy. Most men in consequence of
their present education and corruption have so poor an opinion not only of the male, but even of
the female sex, that they believe every woman at every moment capable of what they themselves
have looked for among all and have found among the most unfortunate, the prostitutes. No
libertine can believe in the purity of woman; it is contrary to nature. A libertine therefore cannot
believe in the loyalty of a faithful wife.

7. When Justifiable.—There may be occasions where jealousy is justifiable. If a
woman’s confidence has been shaken in her husband, or a husband’s confidence has been shaken in
his wife by certain signs or conduct, which have no other meaning but that of infidelity, then there
is just cause for jealousy. There must, however, be certain proof as evidence of the wife’s or
husband’s immoral conduct. Imaginations or any foolish absurdities should have no consideration
whatever, and let everyone have confidence until his or her faith has been shaken by the revelation
of absolute facts.

8. Caution and Advice.—No couple should allow their associations to develop
into an engagement and marriage if either one has any inclination to jealousy. It shows invariably a
want of sufficient confidence, and that want of confidence, instead of being diminished after
marriage, is liable to increase, until by the aid of the imagination and wrong interpretation the
home is made a hell and divorce a necessity. Let it be remembered, there can be no true love
without perfect and absolute confidence, jealousy is always the sign of weakness or madness.
Avoid a jealous disposition, for it is an open acknowledgment of a lack of faith.

The Improvement of Offspring.

Why Bring Into the World Idiots, Fools, Criminals and
Lunatics?

1. The Right Way.—When mankind will properly love and marry and
then rightly generate, carry, nurse and educate their children, will they in deed and in truth carry
out the holy and happy purpose of their Creator. See those miserable and depraved scape-goats of
humanity, the demented simpletons, the half-crazy, unbalanced multitudes which infest our earth,
and fill our prisons with criminals and our poor-houses with paupers. Oh! the boundless
capabilities and perfections of our God-like nature and, alas! its deformities! All is the result of the
ignorance or indifference of parents. As long as children are the accidents of lust instead of the
premeditated objects of love, so long will the offspring deteriorate and the world be cursed with
deformities, monstrosities, unhumanities and cranks.

2. Each After Its Kind.—”Like parents like children.” “In their own image
beget” they them. In what other can they? “How can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit?” How
can animal propensities in parents generate other than depraved children, or moral purity beget
beings other than as holy by nature as those at whose hands they received existence and
constitution?

3. As Are the Parents, physically, mentally and morally when they stamp their own
image and likeness upon progeny, so will be the constitution of that progeny.

4.
“Just as the Twig Is Bent the Tree’s Inclined.“—Yet the bramble cannot be bent to
bear delicious peaches, nor the sycamore to bear grain. Education is something, but
parentage is everything; because it “dyes in the wool” and thereby exerts an
influence on character almost infinitely more powerful than all other conditions put together.

5. Healthy and Beautiful Children.—Thoughtless mortal! Before you allow the
first goings forth of love, learn what the parental conditions in you mean, and you will confer a
great boon upon the prospective bone of your bone, and flesh of your flesh! If it is in your power
to be the parent of beautiful, healthy, moral and talented children instead of diseased and
depraved, is it not your imperious duty then, to impart to them that physical power, moral
perfection, and intellectual capability, which shall ennoble their lives and make them good people
and good citizens?

6. Pause and Tremble.—Prospective parents! Will you trifle with the dearest
interests of your children? Will you in matters thus momentous, head-long rush

Seeking only mere animal indulgence?—Well might cherubim shrink from assuming
responsibilities thus momentous Yet, how many parents tread this holy ground completely
unprepared, and almost as thoughtlessly and Ignorantly as brutes—entailing even
loathsome diseases and sensual propensities upon the fruit of their own bodies. Whereas they are
bound, by obligations the most imperious to bestow on them a good physical organization, along
with a pure, moral, and strong intellectual constitution, or else not to become parents! Especially
since it is easier to generate human angels than devils incarnate.

7. Hereditary Descent.—This great law of things, “Hereditary Descent,” fully
proves and illustrates in any required number and variety of cases, showing that progeny inherits
the constitutional natures and characters, mental and physical, of parents, including
pre-dispositions to consumption, insanity, all sorts of disease, etc., as well as longevity, strength,
stature, looks, disposition, talents,—all that is constitutional. From what other source do or
can they come? Indeed, who can doubt a truth as palpable as that children inherit some, and if
some, therefore all, the physical and mental nature and constitutor of parents, thus becoming
almost their fac-similes?

8. Illustrations.—A whaleman was severely hurt by a harpooned and desperate
whale turning upon the small boat, and, by his monstrous jaws, smashing it to pieces, one of
which, striking him in his right side, crippled him for life. When sufficiently recovered, he married,
according to previous engagement, and his daughter, born in due time, and closely resembling him
in looks, constitution and character, has a weak and sore place corresponding in location with that
of the injury of her father. Tubercles have been found in the lungs of infants at birth, born of
consumptive parents,—a proof, clear and demonstrative, that children inherit the several
states of parental physiology existing at the time they received their physiological constitution.
The same is true of the transmission of those diseases consequent on the violation of the law of
chastity, and the same conclusion established thereby.

9. Parent’s
Participation.—Each parent furnishing at indispensable portion of the materials of life,
and somehow or other, contributes parentally to the formation of the constitutional character of
their joint product, appears far more reasonable, than to ascribe, as many do, the whole to either
some to paternity, others to maternity. Still this decision go which way it may, does not affect the
great fact that children inherit both the physiology and the mentality existing in parents at the time
they received being and constitution.

10. Illegitimates or Bastards also furnish
strong proof of the correctness of this our leading doctrine. They are generally lively, sprightly,
witty, frolicksome, knowing, quiet of perception, apt to learn, full of passion, quick-tempered,
impulsive throughout, hasty, indiscreet, given to excesses, yet abound in good feeling, and are
well calculated to enjoy life, though in general sadly deficient in some essential moral
elements.

11. Character of Illegitimates.—Wherein, then, consists this difference? First,
in “novelty lending an enchantment” rarely experienced in sated wedlock, as well as in, power of
passion sufficient to break through all restraint, external and internal; and hence their high
wrought organization. They are usually wary and on the alert, and their parents drank “stolen
waters.” They are commonly wanting in moral balance, or else delinquent in some important
moral aspect; nor would they have ever been born unless this had been the case, for the time being
at least with their parents. Behold in these, and many other respects easily cited, how striking the
coincidence between their characters on the one hand, and, on the other, those parental conditions
necessarily attendant on their origin.

12. Children’s Condition depends upon parents’ condition at the time of the sexual
embrace. Let parents recall, as nearly as may be their circumstances and states of body and mind
at this period, and place them by the side of the physical and mental constitutions of their children,
and then say whether this law is not a great practical truth, and if so, its importance is as the
happiness and misery it is capable of affecting! The application of this mighty engine of good or
evil to mankind, to the promotion of human advancement, is the great question which should
profoundly interest all parents.

13. The Vital Period.—The physical condition of parents at the vital period of
transmission of life should be a perfect condition of health in both body and mind, and a vigorous
condition of all the animal organs and functions.

14. Muscular Preparation.—Especially should parents cultivate their muscular
system preparatory to the perfection of this function, and of their children; because, to impart
strength and stamina to offspring they must of necessity both possess a good muscular
organization, and also bring it into vigorous requisition at this period. For this reason, if for no
other, let those of sedentary habits cultivate muscular energy preparatory to this time of
need.

15. The Seed.—So exceedingly delicate are the seeds of life, that, unless
planted in a place of perfect security, they must all be destroyed and our race itself extinguished.
And what place is as secure as that chosen, where they can be reached only with the utmost
difficulty, and than only as the peril of even life itself? Imperfect seed sown in poor ground means
a sickly harvest.

16. Healthy People—Most Children.—The most healthy classes have
the most numerous families; but that, as luxury enervates society, it diminishes the population, by
enfeebling parents, nature preferring none rather than those too weakly to live and be happy, and
thereby rendering that union unfruitful which is too feeble to produce offspring sufficiently strong
to enjoy life. Debility and disease often cause barrenness. Nature seems to rebel against sickly
offspring.

17. Why Children Die.—Inquire whether one or both the parents of those
numerous children that die around us, have not weak lungs, or a debilitated stomach, or a
diseased liver, or feeble muscles, or else use them but little, or disordered nerves, or some other
debility or form of disease. The prevalence of summer complaints, colic, cholera infantum, and
other affections of these vital organs of children is truly alarming, sweeping them into their graves
by the million. Shall other animals rear nearly all their young, and shall man, constitutionally by far
the strongest of them all, lose half or more of his? is this the order of nature? No, but their
death-worm is born in and with them, and by parental agency.

18. Grave-Yard
Statistics.—Take grave-yard statistics in August, and then say, whether most of the
deaths of children are not caused by indigestion, or feebleness of the bowels, liver, etc., or
complaints growing out of them? Rather, take family statistics from broken-hearted parents! And
yet, in general, those very parents who thus suffer more than words can tell, were the first and
main transgressors, because they entailed those dyspeptic, heart, and other kindred affections so
common among American parents upon their own children, and thereby almost as bad as killed
them by inches; thus depriving them of the joys of life, and themselves of their greatest earthly
treasure!

19. All Children May Die.—Children may indeed die whose parents are
healthy, but they almost must whose parents are essentially ailing in one or more of their vital
organs; because, since they inherit this organ debilitated or diseased, any additional cause of
sickness attacks this part first, and when it gives out, all go by the board together.

20.
Parents Must Learn and Obey.—How infinitely more virtuous and happy would
your children be if you should be healthy in body, and happy in mind, so as to beget in them a
constitutionally healthy and vigorous physiology, along with a serene and happy frame of mind!
Words are utterly powerless in answer, and so is everything but a lifetime of consequent happiness
or misery! Learn and obey, then, the laws of life and health, that you may both reap the rich
reward yourself, and also shower down upon your children after you, blessings many and most
exalted. Avoid excesses of all kinds, be temperate, take good care of the body and avoid
exposures and disease, and your children will be models of health and beauty.

21. The Right Condition.—The great practical inference is, that those parents
who desire intellectual and moral children, must love each other; because, this love, besides
perpetually calling forth and cultivating their higher faculties, awakens them to the highest pitch of
exalted action in that climax, concentration, and consummation of love which propagates their
existing qualities, the mental endowment of offspring being proportionate to the purity and
intensity of parental love.

22. The Effects.—The children of affectionate parents receive existence and
constitution when love has rendered the mentality of their parents both more elevated and more
active than it is by nature, of course the children of loving parents are both more intellectual and
moral by nature than their parents. Now, if these children and their companions also love one
another, this same law which renders the second generation better than the first, will of course
render the third still better than the second, and thus of all succeeding generations.

23.
Animal Impulse.—You may preach and pray till doomsday—may send out
missionaries, may circulate tracts and Bibles, and multiply revivals and all the means of grace,
with little avail; because, as long as mankind go on, as now, to propagate by animal impulse, so
long must their offspring be animal, sensual, devilish! But only induce parents cordially to love
each other, and you thereby render their children constitutionally talented and virtuous. Oh!
parents, by as much as you prefer the luxuries of concord to the torments of discord, and children
that are sweet dispositioned and highly intellectual to those that are rough wrathful, and depraved,
be entreated to “love one another.“

Too Many Children.

1. Lessening Pauperism.—Many of the agencies for lessening pauperism are
afraid of tracing back its growth to the frequency of births under wretched conditions. One begins
to question whether after all sweet charity or dignified philanthropy has not acted with an unwise
reticence. Among the problems which defy practical handling this is the most complicated. The
pauperism which arises from marriage is the result of the worst elements of character legalized. In
America, where the boundaries of wedlock are practically boundless, it is not desirable, even were
it possible, that the state should regulate marriage much further than it now does; therefore must
the sociologist turn for aid to society in his struggle with pauperism.

2. Right
Physical and Spiritual Conditions of
Birth.—Society should insist upon the right spiritual and physical conditions for birth.
It should be considered more than “a pity” when another child is born into a home too poor to
receive it. The underlying selfishness of such an event should be recognized, for it brings
motherhood under wrong conditions of health and money. Instead of each birth being the result of
mature consideration and hallowed loves children are too often born as animals are born. To be
sure the child has a father whom he can call by name. Better that there had never been a
child.

3. Wrong Results.—No one hesitates to declare that if is want of self-respect
and morality which brings wrong results outside of marriage, but it is also the want of them which
begets evil inside the marriage relation. Though there is nothing more difficult than to find the
equilibrium between self-respect and self-sacrifice, yet on success in finding it depends individual
and national preservation. The fact of being wife and mother or husband and father should imply
dignity and joyousness, no matter how humble the home.

4. Difference of Opinion
amongst Physicians.—In regard to teaching, the difficulties are great. As soon as one
advances beyond the simplest subjects of hygiene, one is met with the difference of opinions
among physicians. When each one has a different way of making a mustard plaster, no wonder
that each has his own notions about everything else. One doctor recommends frequent births,
another advises against them.

5. Different Natures.—If physiological
facts are taught to a large class, there are sure to be some in it whose impressionable natures are
excited by too much plain speaking, while there are others who need the most open teaching in
order to gain any benefit. Talks to a few persons generally are wiser than popular lectures.
Especially are talks needed by mothers and unmothered girls who come from everywhere to the
city.

6. Boys and Young Men.—It is not women alone who require the shelter of
organizations and instruction, but boys and young men. There is no double standard of morality,
though the methods of advocating it depend upon the sex which is to be instructed. Men are more
concerned with the practical basis of morality than with its sentiment, and with the pecuniary
aspects of domestic life than with its physical and mental suffering. We all may need medicine for
moral ills, yet the very intangibleness of purity makes us slow to formulate rules for its growth.
Under the guidance of the wise in spirit and knowledge, much can be done to create a higher
standard of marriage and to proportion the number of births according to the health and income of
parents.

7. For the Sake of the State.—If the home exists primarily for the sake of the
individual, it exists secondarily for the sake of the state. Therefore, any home into which are
continually born the inefficient children of inefficient parents, not only is a discomfort in itself, but
it also furnishes members for the armies of the unemployed, which are tinkering and hindering
legislation and demanding by the brute force of numbers that the state shall support them.

8. Opinions From High Authorities.—In the statements and arguments made in
the above we have not relied upon our own opinions and convictions, but have consulted the best
authorities, and we hereby quote some of the highest authorities upon this subject.

9.
Rev. Leonard Dawson.—”How rapidly conjugal prudence might lift a nation out
of pauperism was seen in France.—Let them therefore hold the maxim that the production
of offspring with forethought and providence is rational nature. It was immoral to bring children
into the world whom they could not reasonably hope to feed, clothe and educate.”

10.
Mrs. Fawcett.—”Nothing will permanently offset pauperism while the present
reckless increase of population continues.”

11. Dr. George Napheys.—”Having too many children unquestionably has its
disastrous effects on both mother and children as known to every intelligent physician. Two-thirds
of all cases of womb disease, says Dr. Tilt, are traceable to child-bearing in feeble women. There
are also women to whom pregnancy is a nine months’ torture, and others to whom it is nearly
certain to prove fatal. Such a condition cannot be discovered before marriage—The
detestable crime of abortion is appallingly rife in our day. It is abroad in our land to an extent
which would have shocked the dissolute women of pagan Rome—This wholesale,
fashionable murder, how are we to stop it? Hundreds of vile men and women in our large cities
subsist by this slaughter of the innocent.”

12. Rev. H.R. Haweis.—”Until it is thought a disgrace in every rank of
society, from top to bottom of social scale, to bring into the world more children than you are
able to provide for, the poor man’s home, at least, must often be a purgatory—his children
dinnerless, his wife a beggar—himself too often drunk—here, then, are the real
remedies: first, control the family growth according to the family means of support.”

13.
Montague Cookson.—”The limitation of the n of the family—is as much the
duty of married persons as the observance of chastity is the duty of those that are
unmarried.”

14. John Stuart Mill.—”Every one has aright to live. We will suppose this
granted. But no one has a right to bring children into life to be supported by other people.
Whoever means to stand upon the first of these rights must renounce all pretension to the last.
Little improvement can be expected in morality until the production of a large family is regarded
in the same light as drunkenness or any other physical excess.”

15. Dr. T.D.
Nicholls.—”In the present social state, men and women should refrain from having
children unless they see a reasonable prospect of giving them suitable nurture and education.”

16. Rev. M.J. Savage.—”Some means ought to be provided for checking the
birth of sickly children.”

17. Dr. Stockham.—”Thoughtful minds must acknowledge the great wrong
done when children are begotten under adverse conditions. Women must learn the laws of life so
as to protect themselves, and not be the means of bringing sin-cursed, diseased children into the
world. The remedy is in the prevention of pregnancy, not in producing abortion.”

Small Families and the Improvement of the Race.

1. Married People
Must Decide for Themselves.—It is the fashion of those who marry nowadays to have
few children, often none. Of course this is a matter which married people must decide for
themselves. As is stated in an earlier chapter, sometimes this policy is the wisest that can be
pursued.

2. Diseased people who are likely to beget only a sickly offspring, may follow this course, and
so may thieves, rascals, vagabonds, insane and drunken persons, and all those who are likely to
bring into the world beings that ought not to be here. But why so many well-to-do folks should
pursue a policy adapted only to paupers and criminals, is not easy to explain. Why marry at all if
not to found a family that shall live to bless and make glad the earth after father and mother are
gone? It is not wise to rear too many children, nor is it wise to have too few. Properly brought up,
they will make home a delight, and parents happy.

3. Population Limited.—Galton, in his great work on hereditary genius,
observes that “the time may hereafter arrive in far distant years, when the population of this earth
shall be kept as strictly within bounds of number and suitability of race, as the sheep of a
well-ordered moor, or the plants in an orchard-house; in the meantime let us do what we can to
encourage the multiplication of the races best fitted to invent and conform to a high and generous
civilization.”

4. Shall Sickly People Raise Children?—The question whether sickly people
should marry and propagate their kind, is briefly alluded to in an early chapter of this work.
Where father and mother are both consumptive the chances are that the children will inherit
physical weakness, which will result in the same disease, unless great pains are taken to give them
a good physical education, and even then the probabilities are that they will find life a burden
hardly worth living.

5. No Real Blessing.—Where one parent is consumptive and the other
vigorous, the chances are just half as great. If there is a scrofulous or consumptive taint in the
blood, beware! Sickly children are no comfort to their parents, no real blessing. If such people
marry, they had better, in most cases, avoid parentage.

6. Welfare of
Mankind.—The advancement of the welfare of mankind is a most intricate problem: all
ought to refrain from marriage who cannot avoid abject poverty for their children; for poverty is
not only a great evil, but tends to its own increase by leading to recklessness in marriage. On the
other hand, as Mr. Galton has remarked, if the prudent avoid marriage, while the reckless marry,
the inferior members will tend to supplant the better members of society.

7.
Preventives.—Remember that the thousands of preventives which are advertised in
papers, private circulars, etc., are not only inefficient, unreliable and worthless, but positively
dangerous, and the annual mortality of females in this country from this cause alone is truly
horrifying. Study nature, and nature’s laws alone will guide you safely in the path of health and
happiness.

8. Nature’s Remedy.—Nature in her wise economy has prepared for
overproduction, for during the period of pregnancy and nursing, and also most of the last half of
each menstrual month, woman is naturally sterile; but this condition may become irregular and
uncertain on account of stimulating drinks or immoral excesses.